Breathe In
by piratewench78
Summary: This is a different look at where we started at the beginning of S1. AU story about how "Nashville" began.
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: A reviewer on my last story mentioned an alternate backstory that was supposedly considered for the beginning of the show regarding Deacon and Rayna. Deacon knew about Maddie, but had left Nashville when she was born. At the beginning of the show, he was returning and both his and Rayna's careers were on a downward track. I don't know if that's true, but I thought it was intriguing. So I used that germ of an idea to come up with an AU story that begins at the beginning of the show, and uses some of that premise (but not all) and the storylines from S1, but takes a little different path.**_

_**I'll be (loosely) following S1 storylines, but because the initial premise is different, characters may act and evolve a little differently. But it is still a Deacon and Rayna story. Hope you like it.**_

He stopped at the Tennessee Welcome Center after he'd crossed over the Mississippi River into Memphis on I-40. He was tired, even though he'd stopped and spent the night in Little Rock the night before. He still wasn't sure why he was doing this. It was a long drive from Austin and the closer he got to Nashville, the heavier all that history felt, weighing on his shoulders.

He pulled his phone out and looked at his text messages again. _Please come home. We need you._ He sat back against the seat and closed his eyes. He put the phone back in his pocket and rubbed his face. He was three hours from Nashville. A place he hadn't been to in thirteen years.

When he'd left that day, thirteen years ago, he'd left behind everything he'd ever loved. He remembered having probably the worst hangover of his life. The drive had been torture, but for more reasons than the fact that his head felt like it might explode, his mouth tasted of puke and stale whiskey, and his stomach was roiling. His heart hurt. Because he was leaving behind the love of his life and their daughter.

He wondered why he let that cryptic text lure him back after all this time. He hadn't heard from her in all those years. The last time he'd seen her, he'd sobered up before he'd gone to her house, when her husband was at work, and she'd let him in.

"I shouldn't be doing this," she'd said. "She's not your daughter anymore."

"She's my blood. If I'm gonna let you do this, I have a right to see her."

She'd sighed and then walked him back to the nursery. It was all pink and white, with a white cradle and rocking chair. They had stood together by the crib, looking at the tiny baby with her dark hair. He sat in the rocking chair and she'd let him hold their daughter and he couldn't help crying. Then she told him to leave and to leave them alone so their daughter could have the life she deserved. He'd never seen his daughter again and never heard from her in all these years.

After he'd left, he went straight to a bar and drank until he passed out. He woke up out in an alley behind the bar. That was the day he got in his truck and just started driving. He didn't know where he was going but when he stopped at a budget motel off the highway south of Little Rock on I-30, he watched "Austin City Limits" on TV and decided to go there.

He'd spent the last thirteen years in Austin. He'd played around town, making enough money to buy a bottle of whiskey every day and pay for a bed in a boarding house. He finally stopped thinking about what he'd left behind. Later he turned his life around, got sober, and was the front man for _The Deacon Claybourne Band_, one of the most successful country acts of the last decade. But his personal life had gone to hell over the last couple years and that was one of the reasons he'd decided to make the drive to Nashville. But the real reason was because she'd said she needed him. And that had reawakened all those feelings that had always been just below the surface.

He'd had lots of other women in the past thirteen years. Hell, he'd been married to one for five years, a marriage that had ended badly. But none of them had compared to her and he knew it, deep down inside, even though he'd tried to bury those feelings.

He pulled out his phone again and scrolled down his contact list and hit call. He put the phone to his ear and waited.

"This is a surprise," came the voice on the other end. "How long's it been?"

He smiled sadly. "More than ten years, I guess." He paused. "I'm on my way to Nashville, Watty."

Watty was silent for a moment on the other end. "Did she call you?"

"Sent me a text. Said she needed me. Or more correctly, that _they_ needed me. What's going on?"

"She and Teddy have separated. There are rumors of infidelity. His."

He worked his lip. "How's Maddie? Have you seen her?"

"She's a pretty thing, Deacon. Looks just like you. Has her mama's voice and can play a guitar like you wouldn't believe. She's most definitely the daughter of Rayna Jaymes and Deacon Claybourne."

Deacon swallowed hard. "I'm in Memphis, Watty. I'll be there in about three hours."

"See you then."

* * *

Deacon leaned against the mixing board at Watty's studio. He hadn't seen Watty since that day ten years ago when he'd walked into the bar in Austin where he was playing and Watty had been waiting for him. He'd tracked him down and then sent him to rehab one last time. That was when things turned around for Deacon in a big way. Watty had hooked him up with some of the top music people in Austin and his career had taken off. He owed everything he had to Watty. Twice now.

Watty sat back in his chair, his fingers steepled and his elbows resting on the chair arms. "You should come to the Opry tonight. For some reason, they're doing a tribute to me. You'd be a nice surprise for the crowd."

Deacon crossed his arms over his chest and grinned. "You, you old hound dog? That's kind of crazy."

Watty laughed. "Yeah." Then he looked up at Deacon. "How you been, Deacon?"

He shrugged. "Okay. Can't hardly complain when you can still sell out a stadium tour. But, I don't know, I'm feeling too old for this grind these days. It's a hard life."

Watty nodded. "I was sorry to hear about your son."

Deacon looked down at his feet. "Yeah, that sucked bad." He worked his lip. "At least I could go out on the road and get away from it. It was harder for Blair. Probably no surprise she left."

"Are you okay?"

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "How would you feel if your son died less than twenty four hours after being born? And your wife couldn't stop crying and couldn't be in the same room with you?" He shook his head. "It was a fucking party, ya know?"

Watty sighed. "I'm sorry."

Deacon shook his head again. "No, _I'm_ sorry. I had to listen to Blair blame everyone but the person she saw in the mirror for the fact that her drug habit, the one I didn't know about, had killed our son."

"I'm really sorry, Deacon. I didn't know that."

"No one did. What would have been the point of telling people that? She let me get excited about that baby and then…" He shook his head. "Water under the bridge."

Neither one said anything for several minutes. "Rayna's gonna be there tonight," Watty said, finally.

Deacon looked at him. "Yeah?"

Watty nodded. "Yeah. I bet she'd love to see you there."

"I don't know. I haven't seen her in thirteen years. Haven't even talked to her. Not sure that's where I want to have that reunion."

"Well, think about it. And I'm sure they could fit you in the program."

* * *

He wasn't sure why he'd come here after all. The last time he'd been at the Grand Ole Opry, he was still in Rayna's band, just her lead guitar player. He was still a drunk, in between rehab visits. He might have even been drunk on stage. This time, he walked down the hall with his head bent, trying not to look at anyone and hoping no one would recognize him. Then he heard someone beside him say his name.

"Deacon Claybourne?" He turned and saw a petite blonde he recognized as the newest country pop artist, Juliette Barnes. She grabbed his arm, looking star struck. "Is it really you?"

He smiled and shook his head. "No, it really ain't."

She gave him a coy look. "You don't fool me. What are you doin' here? I didn't think you did Nashville."

He shrugged. "I don't. But, you know, it's Watty."

She stuck her hand out and shook his. "I'm Juliette Barnes. And I'm a really big fan of yours."

He slid his hand away from her, although not in a way as to appear rude. "Nice to meet you, Juliette."

She grinned. "I'd love to do a co-headline tour with you," she said.

_Damn, she's ballsy._ "I'm sorry, but I don't co-headline." He turned and continued down the hall.

"I'm gonna have my people call your people!" Juliette shouted behind him.

He shook his head and grinned. He wasn't co-headlining with anyone, least of all a country pop tart. As he kept walking, he caught a flash of red hair in his peripheral vision. He stopped and took a step back.

Rayna was standing in one of the dressing rooms, a bottle of water in her hand, looking lost in thought. She looked good, he thought, in her tight jeans and her billowy top and her sky high heels. She turned and put the bottle on the counter and leaned forward to look in the mirror, picking at her hair. Then her eyes caught him. He stood in the doorway and gave her a tight smile.

She felt white hot lightning race through her. His effect on her had not changed in thirteen years. She felt a catch in her breath. She straightened up and ran her hands down her thighs, running her tongue over her lips. She turned. "You came," she said.

He walked in the door and stood in the middle of the room. "I came," he said quietly.

The next thing she knew, she was in his arms, feeling his comforting presence in the warm arms he wrapped around her back. She felt tears come to her eyes. "Oh, Deacon, I've missed you," she whispered.

He didn't respond, just held her for a moment, then moved his hands to her arms and stepped back from the embrace. He looked down at her. She looked older, of course, but she still took his breath away.

She smiled up at him. "I can't believe you're really here. And how did you know I'd be at the Opry?"

''Watty told me. He told me about this tribute thing. I wasn't gonna come, but turns out Scarlett and her boyfriend are here, so I figured, why not?"

She gave him a coy look. "You could come out and be my lead guitar," she said.

He gave her a small smile and shook his head. "No, I can't." He breathed out. "Besides, I told Watty I'd do a song at the end. As a surprise guest."

"Oh, Deacon, that's awesome! Your first time back in Nashville and it's for Watty. Very fitting."

He nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

"Can we talk afterwards?" she asked.

He shook his head. "No. I'm beat. I've been driving for two days. I'm gonna sack out at Scarlett's tonight. I'll come see you tomorrow."

Rayna's eyes turned sad and she fidgeted with her hands. "Come late morning, okay? After the girls are in school."

He smirked. "Oh, right, you have another daughter."

She looked away. "I just want to talk privately," she said, ignoring his comment.

He frowned and then he put his hands in his pockets. "So where do you live these days?" he asked.

She looked back at him. "1358 Page Road. Just buzz at the gate and I'll let you in. Then come to the back door."

He nodded and stepped back. "So Steve got a dressing room for me so I can hide out." He rolled his eyes. "Although Juliette Barnes spotted me, so it might not be a behind the scenes surprise anymore."

She smiled. "You sure I can't talk you into coming out with me?"

He gave her a tight smile. "'Fraid not. I'll see you tomorrow though, okay?"

Rayna sighed. "Okay."

He turned and walked out, heading briskly to the dressing room he was assigned, his head down. When he got in the room, he shut the door and took a deep breath. It had taken all his strength to keep from really taking Rayna in his arms and kissing her the way he used to. Everything he'd ever felt for her had come flooding back when he saw her again.

* * *

He reclined on the couch, watching Rayna on the monitor. She did "Already Gone", one of the first songs they'd written together. It had always been one of his favorites. _She looks damn good. Still the hottest female singer out there._ He smiled almost proudly.

He dozed for only a minute when a knock came at the door. He bolted up and was shaking away the cobwebs when Steve Buchanan walked in. "Deacon, we're ready for you. Juliette Barnes is finishing up, then Vince goes out. We've given him a little intro to do then you'll go out."

Deacon smiled. "Thanks, Steve. And I'm sorry to be such a late entry. I'm just gonna do one number, if that's okay, that I can do alone."

"Whatever you want. We're just glad to have you here tonight." Steve clasped his hands together and did a semi-bow and left.

Deacon took a deep breath and then got his guitar out of the case. He looked in the mirror wondering again what the hell he was doing in Nashville. He walked out the door and towards the stage. Vince Gill was finishing his second song to loud applause. Deacon stood and watched from the side stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have a really special surprise for you tonight. As you know, we're here to honor Watty White, a man that's responsible for many of us getting our start in this town. We have one more person to pay tribute to Watty, someone that Watty discovered over two decades ago. And not only is this special for Watty, but it's special for all of us here at the Opry. I could not be more pleased to introduce a special guest, Deacon Claybourne!"

Deacon took a deep breath as he heard the crowd roar its approval. He walked out on the stage, his right hand in the air, a smile on his face, as the crowd rose to their feet, cheering loudly. He met Vince at the circle and they hugged, then Vince stepped away. Deacon slipped his guitar strap over his back and chest and waited while the crowd continued to roar. Finally he spoke into the mike. "Thank y'all for that great welcome!" he said. "Thank you!" The crowd finally settled down and he leaned towards the mike, clearing his throat. "Thank you very much." He took a deep breath. "It's been a really long time since I've been in Nashville and I'm glad to be back." There was more cheering. "I'd like to do something for you that's kind of become an anthem for my band. Hope y'all are ready to breathe in."

As the crowd roared its approval for one of his biggest hits, he started the guitar intro and then began to sing the words to the song he wrote after he got out of rehab the last time and started on the path that ultimately brought him back to Nashville that night, full circle. _Ain't gonna wait / Ain't gonna pray / Got what it takes to keep me on the run / Not gonna stop / For anything / I'm gonna roll, roll into the sun…._

_**So, as you see, since in this story Deacon has spent the previous thirteen years out of Rayna's influence, he will be different in many ways. More self-assured and confident in himself. But then, he's coming home to Nashville, finally, and everything could change….**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**These next two chapters set up the rest of the story with all the backstory, from both Rayna's and Deacon's points of view.**_

**Rayna's POV**

After she'd thrown everyone out of her dressing room, Rayna sat down on the couch. _Fuck this._ No way was she opening for anybody, especially Juliette 'Sparkly Pants' Barnes. _No fucking way. _She looked up at the monitor and saw Juliette there, bigger than life, and she felt herself throw up in her mouth a little. She muted her and then threw the remote on the floor. The memory of what had just happened loomed large in her mind.

_When I walked in here, there were two of the suits from the label, along with my producer Randy, Bucky, and Watty. Something felt off. This was an odd mix of people to be in my dressing room. "Evening, gents." Everyone looked like they'd just been caught with their pants down. "What's goin' on? Somebody die?"_

"_No, nothing we have to talk about now," Bucky said, as I reached for Watty's hand. "We can, uh, wait til Monday."_

_I didn't like how that sounded. "What do we have to talk about?"_

_Bucky ignored me and turned to Watty. "What a night!" he said and I agreed._

_Just then my door opened and an older man walked in with that pop tart princess the girls were so in love with. "Rayna, I want you to meet Juliette Barnes. She's a big fan of yours."_

_Juliette didn't seem the least bit interested in meeting me and she sure didn't seem like a big fan. But I was, as always, the ultimate professional and so she reached her hand out. "Hey," she started, but Juliette wasn't even looking at me. She was looking at Watty and she babbled on about what an honor it was to sing for him and all that crap. Bless Watty for turning her back to the business at hand._

_But then, what was it she'd said? "My mama was one of your biggest fans. Said she listened to you when I was still in her belly." What a bitch! How dare she suggest I'm old!_

_After Juliette left, I had to force the issue to find out what was going on. Because something was definitely going on. Bucky explained that sales for my tour were down. Way down. Like, almost nobody was buying a ticket. Randy explained that I'd vetoed the songs that could have been hits, even though none of them had felt quite like me. "So what are we gonna do?" I asked. "We're not just going to sit here and go up in flames."_

_And then those words I couldn't believe came out of Bucky's mouth. "One idea is for you to combine tours with Juliette Barnes. You could co-headline." How long had he practiced that line?_

"_Co-headline? Nooo…. You're kidding." I looked around the room. The suits wouldn't even look at me. "Is that why y'all brought her in here? Was there a turnip truck just drove through here y'all think I fell off of?"_

_Then there was a bunch of blah, blah, blah about introducing me to a whole new generation of fans. As though I were a legacy artist. A legacy artist?! And then the unspoken and unwelcome news that they actually expected me to open for Juliette. After listening to their bullshit about how this would be such a big deal and such a great solution for me, I sent them all out. This was not going to happen._

She knew her album hadn't been selling well and she knew ticket sales were slow. But it couldn't mean she was done. She wouldn't accept that. The applause she'd gotten that night should be proof she still had what it took to be successful. Hell, hadn't they called her 'The Queen of Country Music' when she was out there on stage? She needed a bonus single. That was it. And Deacon was in town. Maybe he'd write with her. Magic always happened when they wrote together and she could sure use some magic right now.

Her attention turned to the monitor again. She could see that Vince Gill was talking and she got up to pick up the remote she'd thrown on the floor and unmuted it. _…someone that Watty discovered over two decades ago. And not only is this special for Watty, but it's special for all of us here at the Opry. I could not be more pleased to introduce a special guest, Deacon Claybourne!_ And then he was singing 'Breathe In', the song that had launched his band ten years ago. She hadn't known back then where he'd gone until Watty found him. She had worried herself sick about him, afraid he was in jail, or worse. It had been such a relief when Watty had called her and told her he was in Austin. Not in good shape, but alive.

Maddie had been two and a half then. A lot had changed in those two and a half years. Teddy had been a caring husband, loving and attentive to her, even though he knew her heart wasn't in it as much as his. But she tried. And she'd found that she _could_ love him, for the good man that he was. As well as the amazing father he'd been to Maddie. Even though he'd agreed to be Maddie's legal father, she hadn't been sure that he could fully accept another man's child. But the moment Maddie was born, he'd fallen head over heels in love with her and had doted on her night and day. As Rayna had watched him with her daughter – _their_ daughter – she couldn't deny him all that he'd asked of her, when he'd taken on that responsibility.

She had been grateful, then, that Deacon was among the living, only because she would not have to, someday, tell their daughter the truth about him. She'd paid for Deacon's rehab, without telling Teddy, with the condition that it be a long-term program and that he make a sincere effort to make this one stick. She'd never told him not to come back to Nashville, but he never had. She wasn't sure why, but she suspected he didn't want to face his past. But now he was back. Because she'd asked him.

Watching him now, she could still scarcely breathe. Her whole body felt electrified. It had always been this way between the two of them. He sounded amazing and the thrill he'd given the crowd when he'd walked out was palpable. The enthusiastic standing ovation had to have been so satisfying for him. She'd been mesmerized. She had to see if she could find him before he left. She jumped off the couch and headed for the hallway. She looked around, not sure where Deacon's dressing room would have been. She headed one way and ran into Steve Buchanan. "Hey, Steve," she said, with a big smile.

Steve reached out and gave her a warm hug. "Rayna, so good to see you. Thanks for being here tonight. You were, as always, amazing out there," he said. "The crowd always loves you."

"Thanks, Steve. I was just so glad to do this for Watty." She looked off past his shoulder and then back at him. "So is Deacon still here?"

He shook his head. "His niece was waiting for him when he finished and they left."

She knew he'd told her he didn't want to talk tonight, but she had hoped she could catch him anyway. She put her hand on Steve's arm. "Thanks, Steve," she said and turned away. She walked slowly back to her dressing room and picked up her things. Then she made her way out of the Opry, smiling and greeting people as she walked out, not feeling any of that but doing it anyway. She got to her car and sat for a moment, thinking about the next day. Her stomach turned over. She was pretty sure Deacon wasn't going to like what she had to tell him.

* * *

When Rayna walked in the house, Tandy was sitting on the couch with a glass of wine, flipping through a magazine. She glanced up when her sister walked in. "Hey, babe," she called out. "The girls are in bed. Wine's in the fridge."

Rayna got a glass and poured liberally. She walked over to the couch and, after slipping off her shoes, sat down and curled her legs up underneath her. She put her elbow on the back of the couch and propped her head with her hand, then took a long swallow of wine.

Tandy looked at her and frowned. "Wow, babe. I thought you were excited about this tonight."

Rayna looked at her. "Deacon's back."

Tandy's eyes widened. "In Nashville?" Rayna nodded. "Why?"

Rayna took another swallow of wine. "Because I asked him to come."

"What? Why?"

Rayna shrugged. "All this stuff with Maddie."

Tandy bit her lip. "You're going to have to get into all that with him, then, you know. Maybe you should have let it be."

Rayna frowned. "I couldn't, Tandy. She's asked about him. I can't let it be."

Tandy sighed and then reached out to put her hand on her sister's arm. "Where is he, exactly?"

"Staying at his niece's, I guess. But he was at the Opry tonight. I saw him. Watty told him about it and that I would be there."

"How was it seeing him?"

Rayna smiled sadly. "He looks really good. Different, in a way, but the same. Success looks good on him, I have to say."

Tandy peered at her closely. "How did it _feel_?"

Rayna bit her lip and looked away. "You know."

Tandy breathed out. "Oh, Rayna. I had hoped that after all this time you were past that."

Rayna looked down at her lap. "I don't think I'll ever be past it, Tandy. That's the thing. But after tomorrow, I don't know what will happen."

"You're going to see him tomorrow?"

Rayna looked back at her and nodded. "Yeah. He's going to come over. And I'll tell him everything and we'll see where we are." Tandy squeezed her arm. Rayna took another swallow of wine.

* * *

After Tandy left, Rayna picked up her shoes and walked up the stairs. She headed for the girls' rooms. She first looked in on her nine year old, Daphne. Daphne had come along when Teddy pressed for some proof that he mattered to her. She hadn't wanted to have another baby and the pregnancy had been difficult. But after Daphne arrived, all her reservations had vanished. Daphne was a happy baby, a joy to have. Where Maddie had been a difficult baby and a difficult child, Daphne had been easy and it had been so easy to love her.

Daphne was tiny and blonde and full of sunshine. The complete opposite of Maddie, who was tall, dark, and sulky. _Like Deacon._ Rayna smiled as she looked at Daphne, asleep in her princess bed. She pulled the covers up a little more around her and Daphne shifted a little, but didn't wake up. Rayna crept out of the room and quietly closed the door.

She walked to Maddie's door and stood for a moment, breathing in. She felt anxious, which was silly, but everything was so strained right now and she never knew who she would see these days when Maddie appeared. She opened the door carefully and looked in. She could hear Maddie's even breathing and she closed her eyes and silently said thanks. There had more than a few times in recent weeks when she'd opened Maddie's door to find her gone.

She cautiously took a few steps in. Maddie rolled over, but didn't wake up. Rayna walked over to the side of her bed and looked down at her oldest daughter. There had been so much upheaval in her life over the last few months. Both her girls' lives, actually, but for Maddie there had been more complications. Rayna felt such regret when she thought about it. Maddie was so angry with her, with all of them truthfully. She wondered if they would ever heal the wounds. Even with things as they were now, Rayna never forgot she was Deacon's. The one small victory she had taken from all the pain.

As she stood there, she thought about Deacon. _Please be there for her. Please understand._

* * *

She walked back downstairs to her bedroom. She took off her clothes and pulled on a Loveless Café t-shirt and shorts, then washed her face and brushed her teeth. She looked at herself in the mirror and could see the sadness in her eyes. Yes, she was sad about the end of her marriage, although not as sad as she guessed she should have been. She was more sad about the decisions she'd made, decisions that had led her to make the hasty decision to text Deacon. She didn't know what she expected would happen when she did that, but, regardless of the outcome, she was glad he'd come home.

She crossed over to the bed and crawled under the covers. She leaned over and turned out the bedside lamp, but her mind was racing. She lay there in the dark and thought back over everything that had brought her, and Deacon, here, to this place.

* * *

She'd met him when she had just turned sixteen. She was trying to start a music career, with the help of Watty White. Inexplicably, he'd been at the Bluebird the night she'd made her open mic debut. He'd approached her and recommended that she take on a guitar player who could do some backing vocals. And that was how she'd met Deacon.

He was nineteen then. He was dark and intense, a hard drinker but he had a deft touch with the guitar. He was tall and slender, with shaggy dark hair and a scruffy face. He had the most beautiful crystal blue eyes she'd ever seen, eyes that spoke to having lived a lot of life for one so young, both wise and sad at the same time. She'd fallen in love with him the first time she laid eyes on him, although she didn't tell him that right away. But it hadn't taken long, after Watty paired them up, for Deacon to start stealing kisses from her and for her to start feeling that quiver of need that never went away.

The night that her father threw her out of the house, Deacon had taken her in and that had sealed their fate. She had gone home with him and willingly lost her virginity to him that night. The next day she decided to call herself Rayna Jaymes and her career was born.

They were a perfect match. For her, Deacon and the music were the same. He taught her how to write songs and the music they made together was gold. But even more than that, their souls seemed connected somehow. The sexual part of their relationship was intense and huge, taking her breath away at times. That translated into their music and then onto the stage. As long as they were together, it was magic. When they were on stage, singing to each other, it was as though the world around them fell away and they were in their own love-fueled bubble. It was hard to separate the music and the love, and she really didn't want to do that anyway.

But as much as she loved him, and her love for him seemed to grow every day, he was a tortured soul. In the beginning, his drinking was merely a nuisance. It didn't interfere with their work, in those early days, but she could see that he drank too much and too often. He could be surly and destructive on occasion. It wasn't until it started to interfere with their gigs, however, that she started to become concerned.

When she started having to search for him, when he missed a show, or even just missed a riff or backing vocal, she was first concerned, trying to cover for him and encourage him to stay sober. When he got arrested for drunk driving or disorderly conduct, or he ended up in the hospital, she got angry, and they fought. Those fights often led to him breaking lamps or plates or glasses and then storming out of the apartment. And after that there would be words of contrition, letters full of sorries, and, inevitably, making up in bed.

She loved him. She believed in him. She wanted to support him. She was afraid if she wasn't there, he'd end up dead. Her life had become a nightmare of worry and fear and anger. She'd put him in rehab once, twice, three times. Each time he'd come out sober and better than ever, only to fall back into the dark abyss, usually a harder fall than the time before. It was a rollercoaster ride and she felt increasingly dragged down.

After the third failure at rehab, she'd tried throwing him out. But he'd come back, contrite and promising to be better. She truthfully didn't want to lose him and so she'd taken him back. But then Vince died. Deacon's best friend and one of her guitar players. Deacon blamed himself and his descent into drunkenness took a terrifying turn then. He'd go missing for days, only to turn up in a jail cell or far from home. He couldn't remember what he'd done when he was drunk, more often than not. He got into fights and, when one of those fights ended with an injured hand, he'd been given a painkiller and got hooked on those.

Rayna knew he'd never intentionally hurt her, but when he was drunk he'd lose control of himself and sometimes knock her over or inadvertently hit her if he was passed out and she tried to rouse him. She started to be afraid of him. She moved to her own apartment. She tried sending him to rehab one more time, but he checked himself out after three weeks. And she started dating Teddy Conrad.

* * *

Teddy Conrad was a nice man. He was smart and accomplished. He worked in a bank, in a good, steady, well-paying job. He was good looking in a buttoned down kind of way. He didn't know anything about the music business. He tried to be interested, but he didn't understand her life any more than she understood financial statements and business deals. But he was polite and courteous, his eyes were clear, he smelled clean, and he never disappointed her by not showing up or being attentive. He never got drunk. He was dependable and reliable. If he wasn't exciting or someone who really turned her on, he at least was charming and fun. She could relax with him.

Rayna and Teddy would go out usually two to three times a week. He stayed over at her apartment usually on Saturday nights. Sex was pleasant, if not exciting. She rarely felt satisfied, but she certainly felt cared for. Teddy always used a condom. They were very, very careful.

* * *

The one night she wasn't careful, she'd been charmed by Deacon into going to the cabin. She hadn't seen him much since she'd moved out. Her tour was over, so there was no reason for rehearsing. Their paths had not crossed. He'd come to see her one afternoon and he'd looked good. And she'd missed him. As nice as Teddy was, he wasn't Deacon. All it took was for her to see him and she'd melted. He asked her to come to the cabin and she'd agreed. When she got there he'd surprised her by asking her to marry him. He'd promised that he was better, that she could depend on him, that he wanted to do this for her. And because she loved him, she let herself believe him.

But the next morning he was on the couch, passed out, a nearly empty bottle of whiskey on the table, and he didn't remember anything about the night before. She'd felt like a fool.

* * *

_When she realized she was pregnant, her intent was to tell Deacon. Tandy took her to the cabin, but they left without her talking to him. He was drunk and being destructive. Tandy thought it was a done deal, but Rayna was determined. She went back the next day, alone. Deacon was hungover and in a foul mood._

_When he saw her at the door, he scowled at her. "What the hell do you want?" he snarled._

"_I need to talk to you, Deacon."_

"_Go back to Teddy fucking Conrad, Rayna." He turned away._

_She reached out and grabbed his arm. "Deacon, I need to talk to you," she said firmly._

_He pulled his arm away. "I don't wanna hear anything you have to say, Rayna. Just leave me alone!" He moved to close the door, but she pushed her body against it._

"_Deacon, I'm pregnant," she said. He stopped and looked at her, the color draining from his face. "I just needed to tell you that."_

"_I don't understand," he said._

_She frowned. "I'm pregnant. It's yours. But I need to tell you that I'm going to marry Teddy. I can't have you being a father to this baby. Not like you are right now."_

_He grabbed her arm. "I'm not going to give him my kid."_

_She pulled away. "Yes, you are. You can't even get sober and stay sober, Deacon. How could you be a father? I could never let you take care of this baby. What if you got drunk and something happened to the baby? What if you were in a car and were drunk and got into an accident? What if something happened to you? I can't live like that and I can't raise a baby like that."_

_All of a sudden, it was like all the fight went out of him. He looked devastated and his eyes, as he stared at her, were full of pain and sadness. "But it's my kid. Right? Isn't that what you're saying?"_

_She nodded, her heart hurting and a lump in her throat. "Yes, that's what I'm saying. But you're not in any shape to be a father, Deacon. Teddy can be a good father. And when the baby is older we can talk about you seeing it. But you can't raise up a baby."_

_Tears formed in his eyes. "I'll get better, Ray. I promise. I'll do it. I'll get better."_

_She shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I can't trust you, Deacon. You've been to rehab four times and you can't do it." She took a deep breath. "You told me that your daddy was a drunk and that your life was hell. Do you really want to do this to your child?"_

_He fought the tears and looked away from her. "No," he whispered, brokenly._

_She stepped towards him and took his hand. "Then please let me do this, Deacon. Let me raise this baby with Teddy. I know you don't like him, but he's a good man and he'll be a good father. And this baby will have the life it deserves. And I promise I'll tell our child about you and you can be a part of its life. I promise."_

_He had wept then. He had begged her some more, but his heart wasn't really in it. She'd promised him he wouldn't be shut out and that seemed to satisfy him. He seemed to understand that he wasn't in any shape to be a father._

* * *

Deacon had stayed around Nashville until Maddie was born and then he had left. It had been a horrible time. She'd felt like she had to go into hiding to avoid him. He'd track her down and alternately beg and plead, making promises to get better, or he'd threaten and spew vile insults at her. He was a mess and she was too. He'd struggled with seeing her pregnant, knowing it was his baby, but unable to do anything about it. She and Teddy were married and were preparing for the baby to be born. Teddy didn't want Deacon anywhere around Rayna and so she wouldn't tell him she'd seen him.

It had been a confusing time. She had truly thought then that the right thing to do was to tell Deacon about the baby. She cried every day, though. She missed him, but she knew he couldn't be the husband and father she would have wanted him to be. She had to think of her baby. She told herself that over and over. Then there the days when she thought she'd been wrong to tell him. She'd let him feel the baby move one day when he'd come to beg her to change her mind. All that had done was make a mess of their situation, so she had pushed him away.

When Maddie was born, she'd cried because the man standing beside her, holding her hand, blotting away the perspiration from her face, encouraging her through the pain, was not Deacon but was Teddy. She felt awful because Teddy had been so strong in the face of her betrayal. She didn't deserve him. Then when he held Maddie in his arms for the first time, and she'd seen the pure love on his face, she knew she'd made the right choice. As much as she'd wanted Deacon to be Maddie's father, she could see that Teddy would give her daughter a better life.

When Maddie was four weeks old, she'd let Deacon come to see her. Teddy had told her he didn't think it was a good idea, so she'd waited until he was at work and then let Deacon come. He was still drinking then, but he'd stayed sober that day, per Rayna's mandate. When he came to the house, although she could see he wasn't drinking, he had that pasty look to his skin and his hands were shaking. She let him hold Maddie, against her better judgment. But she had breathed a sigh of relief that he hadn't made a stink. She'd had him sign the agreement that she and Teddy had drafted, that said he wouldn't contact Maddie, that he'd let her be the one to reach out. She told him to go and not come back. And then he was gone.

* * *

Teddy was gone now. The marriage that had started as a way to preserve Rayna's reputation and give her baby a stable home and family life, had turned into a marriage of, if not true love, at least mutual respect and a comfortable, and comforting, love for each other. She had always known Teddy loved her more than she loved him. He was 'in love' with her, had been almost since they'd met. She always imagined it was because of who she was – her celebrity and success. Over time, she'd come to realize that it was more than that.

He'd always felt less than, though, because he'd known she didn't reciprocate his feelings. He'd pushed her to have Daphne, wanted a child that was his own flesh and blood, even though he never made that distinction between the two girls. But that had solidified the marriage, made it difficult to leave, even if she'd wanted to. He benefited from the fact that Deacon had left Nashville and had not returned. It helped that that temptation wasn't there, staring him in the face every day.

But Teddy got tired of being second best. He didn't want to be the afterthought in his wife's life. So, even though he'd told her how much he loved her, he had strayed. He'd reconnected with his college sweetheart, Peggy Kenter, and eventually entered into an affair with her. Rayna might never have known, except that Maddie had overheard him talking to Peggy on the phone and telling her he loved her. Not only had that ultimately led to the end of their marriage, but it had sent Maddie on a journey that had turned all their lives upside down.

Rayna sighed as she remembered the night that Teddy had shown up at her hotel room in Chicago. She'd been there for a benefit concert, and Teddy knocked on her door at midnight. She'd been shocked to see him. They'd been fighting and she thought perhaps he was there to make amends. So it had been doubly surprising when he'd told her he wanted a divorce. She remembered that later that night, actually in the wee hours of the morning, after they'd talked it out and he had left her room, she had gone to bed and felt nothing but relief.

* * *

Her girls were her life. She'd wanted to be a mama, had wanted to be one for as long as she could remember. She'd wanted to have children with Deacon. But she'd been careful, because his life was a mess and hers was too, as a consequence. She knew she couldn't bring a child into that, as much as she loved him and as much as she wanted that with him. That was why, when she'd found out she was pregnant, she'd known that Deacon couldn't be part of her life anymore. He couldn't be a father to her child or a husband to her, because it just wasn't something he could do for them. It had made her sad and she'd cried about it for a year, knowing that what she'd always wanted was impossible.

The moment she'd held Maddie in her arms, she'd felt complete. This was what her life was meant to be. Even though she had her career, and she loved it, being a mama was the most important thing she would ever do. She took her role seriously and she vowed to take care of Maddie and raise her up to be the best person she could be. She protected her from the spotlight, wanting her life to be as normal as possible. When Daphne came along, nothing changed.

She knew they both had dreams and, when they both were old enough to realize who she was and what she did, they wanted to be just like her. But she didn't want them growing up too fast and so she kept them close and protected them fiercely. She was glad, then, that she had Teddy. He supported that and he was their anchor, the 'normal' one who could help to keep their girls grounded when the glitz and glamour of Rayna's world came too close.

Now that Maddie was thirteen, she had started pushing boundaries. When she'd started the usual teenage angst, Rayna had given her the guitar that her own mama had given her, and given her daughter the same advice she'd been given as a young girl. _I know you're gonna need an outlet for all you're going through and I thought maybe you could channel that through your music._ It had pacified Maddie in the beginning. But there had been other issues too, and when things blew up with Teddy, everything exploded. Rayna had worked so hard to protect her daughter, but now she was questioning everything she'd done. She felt the cold chill of anxiousness run through her as she thought about how Deacon would react to that.

* * *

_Deacon._ It was like she'd told Tandy – _I don't think I'll ever be past it_. And that was true. She had just never not loved him. She had finally admitted that to herself a little over a year ago, when she'd seen the story about the death of his newborn son and the subsequent implosion of his marriage. She'd thought about him often. At first it was every day. Until Watty told her he'd finally located him, she'd thought about him every day. She'd been so afraid, when he'd left Nashville without a word, that he was dead somewhere, and that she'd never know.

When he'd gotten sober, finally, and started his band, she'd kept tabs on him. She'd watched his meteoric rise to stardom. She'd seen him win award after award – CMA's, ACM's, Grammy's. But he'd steadfastly never come back to Nashville. The band never played in Nashville, he'd never come to the awards shows in Nashville, never played at CMA Fest. It had irked the country music hierarchy, she knew that. There was good-natured ribbing on awards shows when he wasn't there, although it was always tinged with a little irritation.

When Watty found him, and after he'd completed his fifth attempt at rehab, he was going nowhere fast. But Watty put him in touch with music people he knew in Austin and almost overnight, it seemed, Deacon's trajectory had skyrocketed. He'd put together a solid band, laid down tracks for music he'd written after he and Rayna had split up, and recorded an album. His band had hit at just the right time, with just the right sound, and he'd hit double platinum with his very first album with the _Deacon Claybourne Band_. He hadn't looked back.

She had been amazed at Deacon's success. He'd talked about being a front man, back when they were together, but his instability and his inability to stay sober held him back. His solo album had gone nowhere and he'd just accepted that his fate was to be Rayna Jaymes' bandleader. She knew he could do it, but he hadn't tried again. And then she'd gotten pregnant and made the decisions she had about their baby and marrying Teddy. He'd left Nashville and built a different life for himself.

She'd been so proud of him, though, although she'd had little to do with what he'd become. She'd gone to see him in concert once, in Atlanta, the closest place he played these days to Nashville. She'd put her hair up under a cap and worn the glasses she never allowed anyone to see her wear. She'd dressed down and then she'd sat in the nosebleed seats. She felt like she couldn't breathe, as she watched him on the Jumbotron screen. He was as handsome as ever, even now that he was older. When she saw pictures of him, she was always struck by the sadness around his eyes, even when he smiled. She wasn't sure anyone else would see that, but she knew him better than anyone, even after all these years of being apart.

Teddy rarely brought him up, but she remembered that he'd said to her, back when Deacon married that blonde former college cheerleader, that it was a good thing he hadn't been a part of Maddie's life. That someone like that probably wouldn't have been a good role model. And that they'd dodged a bullet with keeping things private. Rayna hadn't said anything, but when she looked at the pictures of the two of them together, she'd died a little inside.

He deserved all of this though. It had changed him, she could see that. He was more confident, more sure of himself. He seemingly knew who he was now and he seemed comfortable in his skin. He wasn't the haunted teenager she'd met twenty-four years ago. Watching him on the monitor at the Opry, seeing how much the fans had loved him, had been amazing. It was his time and he'd made the most of it.

And now he was back. Because everything had gone to hell and she hadn't known what else to do but to reach out to him. It wasn't going to be easy, she knew that, but she hoped he'd hear her out and not judge her too harshly.

* * *

She turned on her side in her bed and finally fell into a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Deacon's POV**

For most of his life, Deacon Claybourne had known two things – that he was a drunk and that he loved Rayna Jaymes. These days, only the last one was still true. Although he technically was still an alcoholic, he'd been sober for just over ten years. When Watty had found him in that seedy Austin bar and arranged for the rehab assignment in Colorado, he'd made a pledge, once and for all, to make this work. He only had himself then. There was no Rayna to prop him up, to take care of him if he stumbled. He didn't remember much of the two and a half years that had passed since he'd left Nashville, but he was pretty sure he'd been alone. She hadn't tried to find him, she hadn't called to tell him how Maddie was doing, so she'd apparently written him off. He knew he had to do this for himself.

* * *

He left the Opry House with Scarlett and her boyfriend. He wasn't sure what it was about that kid, but he didn't really like the way he was around his niece. He was almost smarmily nice to him, probably because he was hoping to make it in the music industry and thought that sucking up to Scarlett's Uncle Deacon was the way to do that. Deacon smiled to himself. It wasn't really like he had influence. He wasn't the one picking new artists. He should be out sucking up to Watty White, if that's what his interest was.

When he'd gone to Scarlett's house that afternoon, she'd offered to let him stay with them. "If you give me a pillow and a blanket, I'm good on the couch," he'd told her.

She'd smiled and waved him off. "Oh no, we have a perfectly good guest bedroom you can sleep in."

"What bedroom?" Beverly had told him Scarlett had come to Nashville with her boyfriend and that they were renting a two bedroom house. He wondered whether Beverly's meds had made her lose her ability to read between the lines, when she told him they were sleeping in separate rooms.

"The one Mama thinks I'm sleeping in," Scarlett responded.

Deacon grinned and then frowned. "I better not hear a damn thing all night."

Scarlett winked at him. "Not a peep."

He was exhausted. He hoped he could sleep well. He'd slept poorly in Little Rock the night before, when all he'd done was think about that text that Rayna had sent. He'd slept poorly the night before that in Austin when he'd gotten it. He was pretty sure it had to do with Maddie and he couldn't imagine what it could be. Was she sick? Was she in trouble? He didn't know anything about her and his stomach was in knots worrying about it.

Seeing Rayna at the Opry had been a mix of apprehension and elation. He'd felt that old attraction the minute he'd laid eyes on her. She'd looked happy to see him. Even after all the pain he'd caused her, she'd looked at him like she always had. When she'd told him she missed him, he believed she truly had. He'd stayed away because he thought that was what she wanted, what she'd needed. Now that he was back, it was time to see what was left for them.

He knew he could have talked to her tonight, but he thought they both needed some time to adjust to the fact that he was here at all.

* * *

He was laying on the bed in the guest bedroom. It was surprisingly comfortable and far enough away from the other bedroom that he couldn't hear Scarlett and…what was that guy's name? Allen? Aaron? Something. It started with an A, he knew that. He was gonna have to figure that out. He didn't want to seem like a complete jerk, although normally that didn't really bother him. He wasn't a bad kid, actually. Just a little overeager. Maybe a little bit like he himself had been back in the beginning.

He'd left Natchez when he was sixteen. It had been a hard life, growing up with a daddy who was a mean drunk and a mama who was mentally ill. He'd spent most of his life trying to keep out of the path of J.D. Claybourne, but that hadn't been easy to do. And he'd been an easy target when he was young, scared of everything. One thing he would say for J.D. was that the man had taught him to be tough, to not be afraid to speak his mind and to defend himself. He wasn't sure it was all good, but, even now, he wasn't afraid of a fight. His mama had tried to protect her kids, but she was usually either too afraid to stand up to her husband or she was in the midst of some kind of breakdown and was emotionally unavailable. He and Beverly had had to fend for themselves most of their lives.

When he left for Nashville, he had felt an immense sense of relief. He had the chance to start over. He shook his head, thinking he'd done pretty much the same thing when he'd gone to Austin. Those first couple years in Nashville were a lot like the first couple years in Austin, filled with rejection and scrounging for a gig, finding a place to sleep where he could. And drinking. The unfortunate legacy that J.D. had left him. The thing that had held him back for so long.

Rayna had loved him in spite of the drinking. She'd stayed as long as she could, taking care of him. He'd wanted to be better. For her. But the call of the bottle had been so strong. And he knew she'd always be there, even when he'd sunk to his lowest levels. Rayna, that shining angel, was always there.

He sighed deeply. He'd fallen in love with her the moment he'd laid eyes on her. She was so pretty, he remembered, with her red-gold hair and her pretty blue eyes, and that dazzling smile. She looked a little shy, but he'd found out soon enough that she was anything but. He'd been a little intimidated when he'd found out she was Nashville high society, but there was something about her that said she wasn't really of them.

He remembered the first time he kissed her. It was after some open mic night at a place that didn't even exist anymore. They had gone out behind the bar and stood in the alley, just talking about their set, when the moonlight hit her hair and face just right and she looked all soft and angelic and he couldn't help it. He'd leaned down and kissed her. She'd seemed a little surprised at first, but that only lasted a second or two and then she'd leaned into him, pressing her sweet body against his and returning his kisses like she knew what she was doing. They'd gotten interrupted by the bar owner or somebody, coming to tell them it was their turn, and they'd pulled away from each other reluctantly. After that, he kissed her every chance he got.

The night they played her first paying gig was the night she went home and found Lamar waiting in the front hall with her bags packed up. He was glad that night that he'd hung out at the end of the driveway. She'd told him that her father had threatened to kick her out if she didn't stop what he called nonsense. He had put her suitcases in the back of his truck and taken her in his arms and let her cry. Then he helped her into his truck and drove her to his place. And in that tiny twin bed, with the lumpy mattress and the worn out sheets, he'd made love to her for the first time. He had felt like he was home.

* * *

There were some things he remembered, but a lot he didn't, from the time Rayna had told him she was pregnant until the day Watty found him at the Yellow Rose in Austin. He did remember that he was surprised she thought he was the father. What he couldn't remember was being with her then. He still really didn't remember it, which made him feel like crap. He remembered what she'd said to him that day, that he couldn't be a father. She was probably right, especially back then. He was a mess and he knew it. But it had hurt, bad, that she had pushed him away. She'd married Teddy right away and he had to watch her as she talked to the press about her baby and all the things she and Teddy were doing to prepare for that.

He remembered how hard it was to see her pregnant, knowing he couldn't take care of her or of their baby. He'd pleaded with her so many times. He'd argued with her about it, but she stood firm. She was doing this for their child. Protecting that child. From him. It had hurt so bad to think that his own child needed to be kept safe from him. It still hurt.

After Maddie was born, she let him come see her once. That was the only time he'd ever seen his daughter. She was so tiny and perfect. As he'd held her in his arms, he'd felt such love for her it made his heart hurt. She was part of him, part of him and Rayna. He couldn't stop the tears. He wanted to be her daddy.

But Rayna hovered, kept her hand close as though she thought he would drop her. It pissed him off that she thought he would hurt his own flesh and blood. Maddie watched him with those solemn eyes. She yawned and he felt his breath catch. She squirmed a little in his arms and that's when Rayna swooped in to take her back.

"She needs a nap," Rayna said, hurrying over to the crib with her. "And you should go."

He got up and walked over behind her. "Please, Ray, let me stay. Let me be a daddy to her."

Rayna took his arm and led him out. "No, Deacon. We've already agreed to all this. This is best for Maddie." When they got to the kitchen, she slid a document towards him. "I need you to sign this."

He looked at her, devastation in his eyes. "What is it?"

"We talked about this. It says Teddy can put his name on her birth certificate and that you will let him raise her."

He could scarcely breathe. "But you'll tell her I'm her daddy. When she's old enough?"

She nodded. "Yeah. And it's up to her if she wants to reach out to you." He reached out and touched the document, sliding it just a bit towards him. "Deacon, you can't come around anymore," she said softly. He looked up at her. "Please, Deacon, it's for Maddie. Think about what's best for her."

He rubbed his face and then leaned down to sign the document. He straightened up and looked at her again. _This hurts so bad._ "Tell her I love her. Please. Tell her I did this for her."

Rayna nodded, tears in her eyes. "I will."

Rayna had promised him that day that she'd tell Maddie about him. But his heart broke a little more every day he didn't hear from her. He had hoped Maddie would understand, but it seemed that wasn't the case. Now that he was back, though, he hoped he'd get to make amends.

* * *

When he'd gotten to Austin, he'd drowned his sorrows in as much whiskey as he could afford. He didn't remember much about those early days, until he woke up one day in a drunk tank. Someone told him it was miracle he hadn't died when they brought him in. He'd been unconscious, they told him, for three days. He went through detox and thought he was going to lose his mind. He wanted to kill himself at one point. When the alcohol finally cleared his system, he was left with the most soul-crushing pain he'd ever felt in his life. The pain of his loss was a physical pain, as well as an emotional pain, and as soon as they released him, he found the nearest liquor store and bought a bottle of whiskey. It was the only thing that kept him from dying of the hurt he felt.

Austin was a lot like Nashville in many ways, Deacon found. First and foremost was the music. It was everywhere. In the beginning he was able to stay afloat by playing one of dozens of hole in the wall venues, places that didn't care if he showed up drunk, as long as he wasn't so drunk he couldn't play. More nights than not, there would be some little college cutie that didn't mind doing a quick and dirty in the restroom or a closet. There was always someone that bought him drinks and then he could stumble back to the boarding house with a bottle of cheap whiskey and his sexual urges satisfied.

He'd spend afternoons writing, before the whiskey took him down. It was the one thing he thought he was good at, songwriting, and he still got good reviews when he played. A lot of what he wrote had to do with his pain over losing Rayna and Maddie, but eventually he began voicing the anger and frustration as well.

He'd felt adrift in those early days. He'd told no one where he was. On nights when he wasn't playing somewhere, he'd hang out at bars near the boarding house and chew the fat with the other regulars. It wasn't uncommon for a scuffle to break out at some point and he had suffered through many a black eye or busted lip or cuts and bruises. The pretty college girls with their short skirts or tight jeans and cutaway tops thought he looked rugged or intense and sometimes even competed to see who could lure him into a corner. That was another thing he thought he was pretty good at.

But mostly he thought about Rayna. He knew, deep down inside, that she still loved him, even if she had married Teddy. He still loved her. He knew that deep in his soul. It was the thing that kept him going.

* * *

Everything changed that day Watty showed up.

"Hey, man," the bartender called out when he walked in. "There's someone here looking for you."

Deacon frowned. He really didn't know anyone here. Who in the hell would be looking for him? He was about ready to turn and run when he saw a familiar face come around the corner. He squinted his eyes. "Watty? What the hell?" he said, his voice thick.

Watty walked over and put his hand on Deacon's shoulder. "Deacon, it's been a long damn time," he said. "And you weren't easy to find."

When Watty found him, he couldn't remember what day it was or even what year it was. He was surprised when Watty told him it had been two and a half years since he'd left Nashville. Two and a half years lost. "How you doing, Deacon?" Watty asked.

Deacon sighed. "Not great, Watty." He worked his lip. "How's Rayna?"

Watty gave him a sad smile. "She's good. She's still top of the charts."

Deacon breathed in and looked away. "That's not what I meant."

"I know." Watty paused, as though he were thinking about what he should say. "Listen, she's got a good life. Maddie's got a good life. She's happy. You did the right thing."

Deacon's eyes teared up. "I miss them," he whispered. "I wanna see them."

Watty shook his head. "You can't, Deacon. Especially not like this." He put his hand on Deacon's shoulder. "Let's sit." He directed Deacon over to a table near the window. "You can't keep doing this to yourself, Deacon. You've got to pick yourself up and move on. Austin's a good place, a good music city. You should try to make this work."

Deacon put his head in his hands. "I can't do it without her, Watty. My life is nothing without her."

"That's not true. But you can't go back. You need to cut those ties."

Deacon looked up. "But Maddie…."

"Maddie'll still be there. You'll still have that. But you can't make this work if you're there." He looked at Deacon. "I need you to go to rehab, Deacon. Get straight once and for all. Put Rayna behind you and move on."

"I can't…."

"You have to. Rayna's not going to let you see Maddie if you're like this, even if she wants it. Rayna's been really worried about you, Deacon, but if I tell her you're still drinking, she's not going to let you be around Maddie. Do you understand?"

Deacon nodded. "But I can't do rehab again." He didn't think it was worth it. He'd gone four times before and it had never worked. And now, with everything that had ever meant anything to him lost, he didn't think he had the strength to try again.

"You have to." Watty folded his hands in front of him. "Here's the deal. You go to rehab, a six month program. Commit to it. You come back to Austin and I'll hook you up with the best music people in town."

"And then I can see Maddie?"

"I'll tell Rayna you've done all this. But you have to do it for you, Deacon. You need to get your life right or you can never be the man you need to be. Will you do it?"

Deacon sat for a long time and then finally nodded. "Yeah."

"Good. Let's go then."

Deacon's eyes widened. "Now?"

"No time like the present."

* * *

Watty took Deacon to the rehab facility and checked him in. He wasn't sure he could do it, but he kept thinking about Maddie and Rayna. The days went by slowly as he worked through his issues, fought with his demons. He filled multiple notebooks with lyrics and music, the one thing that got him through it all. He knew he needed to learn to take care of himself, instead of relying on someone else to take care of him, like Rayna had. He needed to find a way to stand on his own, make his own way, get past the dark and sordid past he'd let be his story.

He couldn't remember anymore who it was that asked him whether his real addiction was to Rayna Jaymes, rather than booze or pills. He'd rejected that at first. _She's the love of my life, not my addiction._ But as he tore down the walls and considered how she'd shored him up every time he'd fail, he began to wonder.

Maybe this separation, him not being faced with her every day, was what he needed to stand on his own. He'd come to realize that he'd stood in her shadow, willingly, but he hadn't believed in himself. If he was ever going to be that better man, he needed to face all that. And when he did, that's when he finally came to the place where he could get sober and stay sober. He could beat this, he knew that now.

* * *

Watty had promised him he'd make some contacts for him in the Austin music industry if he'd do this and be committed to it. At that point, he'd felt like he had nothing left to lose, so he agreed. And they had both ended up holding up their end of the bargain. Deacon stayed sober and worked his program and got better and Watty helped him connect to the man that ultimately put him on the musical map. Deacon had a suitcase full of songs and Paul Oldham found him a group of like-minded musicians to back him. When they stepped into the studio to record their first demo, even Deacon could feel the magic.

Although he never shortchanged the talent of the guys in the band, Deacon knew they also benefited from hitting at just the right time. There weren't any other bands that were hot right then and they had the right mix of country with a touch of rock 'n roll. He'd brought the song "Breathe In" to the band and it was on their first demo. He'd found a notebook page with bits and pieces of the song, back when he'd gone to rehab, and he'd worked on it while he was there.

The chemistry they had was amazing. The music they played fit them perfectly. Their first big break came just after they'd recorded the demo. They were booked into Gruene Hall, outside of Austin, one of the largest dance halls and concert venues in Texas. It was one of those places where a singer or a group could get noticed and the band definitely got noticed. The buzz on the band, as well as "Breathe In", raced across the state like wildfire. The song turned out to be their signature song and got so much play on the radio that, after just two touring seasons as openers, and two double platinum albums, they were offered their own headlining tour.

One firm rule Deacon had, though, was that they would never play Nashville. He knew the other guys in the band didn't understand that, but eventually they gave up trying to convince him to change his mind. They shrugged it off, playing places like Memphis and Lexington and Knoxville and Atlanta instead. Whenever a reporter or DJ would ask about the "no Nashville" rule, Deacon would just laugh and talk about where else they would play. He couldn't go back there, but no one needed to know why.

At night, after a show, when he was lying in bed, usually with a girl he'd picked up at the after party, he would think about Nashville and all he'd left behind there. He thought about Maddie every day, what she looked like, what she was doing, all the firsts in her life that he was missing. At first he'd stayed away because he was afraid he couldn't be the father she deserved. He waited for the day that Rayna would call him to say he could come visit or even for Maddie to call and say she wanted to see him. But those calls never came.

After a while he stayed away from Nashville because it seemed they didn't want him and it hurt too much to think about walking those streets, knowing they were so close and yet so far from him. Eventually he told his manager to tell anyone that wanted an interview that the subject of Nashville was off limits.

* * *

He kept up with Rayna's career from afar. She was the number one female country artist and everything she touched seemed to turn to gold. He heard she'd had another baby, with Teddy, and it had kicked him in the gut. It was times like those when he'd wished he was still drinking. Instead, he found the prettiest young girl he could find at the after party and took her up to his room. He developed a reputation as a player, with a different girl every night. He had no interest in relationships and screwing nameless girls suited him just fine.

But on the nights when he finally managed to get some sleep, it was Rayna who was in his dreams. As angry as he was at her for pushing him out of her life and Maddie's life, he still loved her. He knew that. And he knew there would never be another woman he'd love quite the way he loved her.

* * *

It was just another after party, this time in Dallas. The band had been touring for most of the last four years. It had been six and a half years since Deacon had left Nashville. He hated after parties, always had. He would go with Rayna, to help her with the names of the radio people and press and DJ's. But he didn't enjoy all the glad handing and small talk. After a while he started to scan the room, looking for someone young and attractive. Then he saw her – pretty, blonde and petite, dressed a little less flashy than the other women in the room.

As he walked over towards her, he kept getting stopped. He tried to keep the chatter brief, keeping an eye on the pretty blonde. When he finally got to her, he leaned against the table where she was standing.

"Hey," he said, with a smile.

Her eyes widened. "Well, hey," she said.

"I'm Deacon."

She gave him a faint smile. "Yeah, you are." She kept looking at him. Then she finally seemed to snap out of it. "Oh, my, my manners." She held out a hand. "I'm Blair."

He took her hand and lifted it to his mouth, lightly running his lips across her skin, then letting go. "That's an interesting name."

She smiled more fully. "It's a family name. I'm actually Annabelle Blair Hensley, but I started going by Blair in middle school."

"So what brings you here? Are you in radio or something?"

She shook her head. "Oh, no. But a friend of mine is." She gestured towards another woman talking to his bass player.

"Hope you're having a good time."

"Oh, I am."

He leaned in. "Want to get away and have a little fun?" he asked, his voice low.

She looked at him, then frowned. "I'm not looking to get laid," she said. "I don't care _who_ you are."

Deacon was taken aback. "I didn't mean…."

"Yes, you did. I'm not an idiot. And I'm not a bimbo either." She turned to walk away.

Deacon grabbed her arm. "Hey, wait, I'm sorry." He worked his lip. "I'm just being a jerk."

"Yeah, that's a good way to describe it." She turned back towards him. "Look, I wouldn't mind talking to you. But I know you're just passing through and I'm not interested in being your bedtime companion for this tour stop." He frowned at her. "You have quite a reputation, Mr. Claybourne. Just not one I'm interested in adding to." And then she turned and walked off.

Deacon turned and watched her walk off. He was intrigued. For the first time since he'd left Nashville, he was intrigued about a woman who was not Rayna Jaymes.

* * *

He sat on the edge of the bed and put his head in his hands. Thinking about Blair was painful. Not like the pain he'd felt at the loss of Rayna. But it was pain nonetheless. It hurt to have been so wrong about someone. He didn't think it started that way, but it sure as hell had ended that way.

When he thought back on those five years with Blair, he figured they both made mistakes. The age difference was too great. She was just a couple years out of college and he was in his mid-thirties. And he'd never been able to share with her about his life before Austin, so there was a huge gap in their mutual trust.

She loved the lifestyle that came with being married to a country music star, but she didn't like the touring. Their interests didn't mesh. When she was injured in that riding accident, he hadn't known where she was or who she was with. He began to feel disconnected from her, which was when he'd pressed her about having a baby.

He'd felt abandoned by Rayna and Maddie. Watty knew where he was so he knew Rayna did as well. As time went on and Maddie didn't contact him, he felt more and more hurt. He knew now he shouldn't have expected Blair to fill that gap, but he did.

When she finally gave in, she made his life miserable. She constantly complained and hated everything about being pregnant. He wanted to be involved, but she pushed him away. And then there had been the disaster around her giving birth and their son dying.

He remembered that she wouldn't see the baby or even hold him. She checked herself out of the hospital and was gone. Deacon was there by himself, in shock over what was happening and devastated over the condition of his son. He named the baby Jackson Cash Claybourne and he'd held him in his arms until he took his last breath. His heart was torn into pieces. He didn't have Maddie and now he didn't have Jackson.

He had retreated to a little place he'd bought on Lake Travis for two weeks, a place that had given him solace for his soul. Blair wouldn't see him and wouldn't talk to him and so finally he'd gone back out on the road. But he had missed her, needed to grieve with her, and had gone home to surprise her. But the surprise was on him. He'd found out her secret, that she'd been addicted to pills since her accident. He had raged at her, destroying everything in his path. He had very nearly fallen off the wagon. He wasn't sure what had stopped him, but the night he walked away from that whiskey shot was the night he started to pull himself out of his dark spiral and move on.

He divorced Blair, wrote a lot, and lost himself in touring and the music. He wasn't the same man he'd been back in the days when he was just Rayna's guitar player. He'd found strength in himself that had allowed him to build the life he had now, to have the success he had now, that let him move past the pain of losing his son. And now he was back in Nashville. Back where he'd started. He'd come full circle. But this time he was ready.

* * *

As he thought back over the last ten years, he realized that probably the best gift he'd given himself was staying away from Nashville. He never stopped thinking about Rayna and Maddie, but he was able to build a life for himself that was good.

He had learned to accept that Maddie had a good life and that she probably was happy with what she had, didn't need the complication of an absentee dad. It was hard to give her up in his heart, but he wanted only the best for her and he thought this stable, secure life she had was probably that.

He'd come a long way over the past ten years. He'd succeeded in turning his life around. He had a career he never thought he'd get to have and it was even better than he'd imagined. He'd never believed before that he could be a front man, but getting out from under the suffocating blanket of booze and cutting his ties with Rayna had led him to the place where he could. And he knew he was good at it. He had a sense of pride in what he and his band had accomplished. They sold out stadiums, they won numerous awards, their albums still sold in an increasingly digital music landscape. He'd figured out the keys to success and it made him proud.

He'd finally gotten sober and learned how to stay the course even in the darkest of times. Even a year and a half later, the images in his head of his dying son put him close to the brink. But he'd worked hard for this, for all of this, to be a better man, a man worthy of everything he had, and he'd pulled himself past the pain. And now he'd have the chance, it seemed, to show that to Rayna and to his daughter. They needed him now and he was grateful that he could be here for them.

He laid back down on the bed and smiled. He was gonna see Rayna tomorrow and hopefully that meant he could start to build something with his daughter. They needed him. And he needed them. As he lay there, waiting for sleep, he said a prayer asking for the strength to stay the course, to be strong for his family. He'd come such a long way, both literally and figuratively, and he wanted it all to be worth it.

* * *

_**Now that we have all the backstory laid out, we'll see what happens when Deacon goes to see Rayna. Thanks for reading and thanks for the reviews. I love knowing what you think.**_


	4. Chapter 4

Truthfully, when she thought about it, Rayna really hated this arrangement she and Teddy had with respect to the girls. She couldn't come up with a better solution, really, but she didn't like it. The deal was that the girls stayed at the house all the time and she and Teddy alternated weeks. But the week she was not "in residence", she wasn't really supposed to see them. And that bugged her. She supposed it bugged Teddy too when it was her turn to have the girls. It just felt like too much could go wrong when she wasn't around and, of course, she was right. It had. Everything had fallen apart during Teddy's week. Maybe it still would have, but she'd felt powerless to do anything about it.

This was a terrible time for her not to be there for Maddie. Not just because of all her teenage drama, but because everything surrounding Deacon had gotten blown out of proportion. Although that really wasn't accurate either. Lots of decisions were made about that little piece of information that no one had really thought through. Only now were they all having to deal with the fallout and soon Deacon would as well. And that was the wild card. Rayna knew that having kept her distance from Deacon all these years was probably not going to help her. She felt a shiver run down her spine as she considered how this conversation was going to go. She was hopeful that Deacon would understand, but she thought she was probably deluding herself.

The subject of Deacon had been a sore spot for the last several weeks between Teddy, Maddie and herself. There had been arguments, angry tears, recriminations, accusations, nothing good. Teddy was stubbornly loyal to decisions he had made and that he believed he and Rayna had made together. Rayna felt sick over how she'd handled everything, from the moment she'd had Deacon sign that agreement. And Maddie was mad at them all. Rayna understood her hurt and feelings of betrayal, and she'd hoped her daughter would come around without her having to drag up all the ugliness. But it hadn't happened yet and she didn't know what would happen after she talked to Deacon later. The one thing she was grateful for was that Maddie didn't know she'd asked Deacon to come home and that she didn't know he was actually in Nashville. It bought her some time.

She got up and threw on some sweats and a t-shirt and then padded out to the kitchen. She put the coffee on to brew and then checked some email while she waited. An email from Bucky with the latest on ticket sales for her tour was depressing. She was at a loss to understand what had happened over the space of a year. Her last tour had been successful. Fifty arena shows, over fifty percent sellouts and, of the rest, those were ninety percent sold. Her last album had gone platinum and she'd had three number ones. But she wasn't getting as much radio play these days. The album that had just dropped three months ago hadn't even sold a hundred thousand, digital downloads were abysmal and the only single that charted debuted at thirty-four and had fallen fast.

She poured a mug of coffee and added sugar to it, then sat at the counter and leaned on her elbows, rubbing her temples. Juliette Barnes had three singles charting now. Her most recent number one had just been bumped after four weeks by Kenny Chesney's latest. _She_ was selling out arenas. _She_ had all the buzz. Rayna felt sick to her stomach. She didn't know what she was going to do. She raised her eyes to the ceiling as she heard Maddie and Daphne arguing with each other upstairs.

She got up and pulled yogurt out of the refrigerator, dishing it into bowls and setting them on the counter, along with fruit and granola. "Maddie! Daphne! Breakfast!" she called up the steps. Daphne came running down and threw her arms around her mother. Rayna smiled, hugging her back. "Where's your sister?" she asked.

"She's coming," Daphne said as she danced her way over to the counter and jumped up on a stool. She dumped strawberries and granola on top of her yogurt and dug in.

Rayna started putting lunches together. She smiled at her daughter. "What's going on at school today?" she asked.

"Not much. No tests, thankfully. I have music class today though." She smiled at her mom.

Rayna grinned. "Yay!" Just then Maddie came down, looking sullen. She sat at the counter and dragged her spoon through her yogurt. "What about you, Maddie? Big day at school?"

Maddie dropped her spoon and looked up. "So are you going to make me see Deacon Claybourne?"

Rayna made a face, feeling like the breath had been knocked out of her. "What?"

At the same time, Daphne turned to look at her sister. "Deacon Claybourne? The singer? Why would _you_ be seeing him?"

Maddie looked at Daphne with a sneer. "Because, stupid."

Rayna frowned. "Hey, don't call your sister stupid," she said.

"Yeah," Daphne said, throwing her head back and flipping her hair.

Maddie rolled her eyes. "Whatever." Then she looked pointedly at Rayna. "So, is that your plan?"

"How did you know he was here?"

"Oh, good grief, Mom. Twitter, Facebook. It's all over. His first time in Nashville in thirteen years? It's kind of a big deal. So, did you call him?"

"I wanna know why Deacon Claybourne would want to see _you_," Daphne said, pouting.

Rayna gave Maddie a warning look. Then she looked back at Daphne. "He's an old friend of mine. I'm sure he'll want to see you too," she said.

"Old _boyfriend_," Maddie said.

Rayna shrugged. "Okay, yes, old boyfriend." She looked at Daphne. "Before I married your dad."

"Ooh, that's so cool, Mom. He's very handsome. And I bet he's rich." Daphne grinned.

Rayna smiled but didn't respond to that. "Daphne, go get your book bag."

"Oh, right," she cried and, jumping down off the stool, raced off for the stairs.

Rayna watched her and then turned back to look at Maddie. "I asked him to come so you could meet him," she said.

Maddie scowled. "Why? He didn't want to meet me before. Why now?"

"Maddie, it's not what you think."

"Then tell me what it is. Otherwise, no thank you." She got off the stool and huffed off towards the stairs.

"We're leaving in five minutes!" Rayna called out at Maddie's back. Then she put her elbows on the counter and buried her face in her hands. This was going to be a disaster.

* * *

Deacon walked out of the bedroom and into the small kitchen at Scarlett's house. "Hey, sleepyhead," she said with a grin.

He smiled at her and stretched. "That's a pretty damn comfortable bed," he said. He looked around. "Where's…the boy?"

Scarlett gave him a look. "Avery?"

Deacon nodded. "Yeah, Avery."

"He's out." She narrowed her eyes. "He thinks you don't like him."

Deacon rolled his eyes. "What am I supposed to do, hand him a balloon every time I see him? I like him fine." He glared at Scarlett. "Boy's too sensitive."

Scarlett waved her spatula at him. "He looks up to you, Deacon. You should remember what it was like to be on the bottom."

Deacon smirked. "So, you gonna fix me some breakfast or what?"

Scarlett tossed her head. "Not a short order cook," she said.

He snatched the spatula away from her. "Don't matter. I can make my own eggs."

She laughed. "Seriously? Don't you have someone to do that for you?"

He looked at her incredulously. "No, I don't. I'm not some fancy diva that can't take care of myself."

She shrugged and winked at him. "Alright then. Go ahead. I'll watch." She went and fixed herself a mug of coffee and sat at the little two-seater table, while Deacon started rooting in the refrigerator for bacon and eggs. "So, you never said why you were here. You been avoiding Nashville like the plague for all this time. Why now?"

He glanced over his shoulder. "Not every day Watty gets a tribute," he said.

"Oh, no, I don't believe for a minute that's why you came back." She pulled her feet up onto the chair and hugged her legs to her chest. "Is it because Rayna Jaymes is getting a divorce?"

Deacon didn't look at her, putting bacon on a plate and dropping eggs into the skillet. "Not exactly," he said.

"But it's because of her, right?"

He didn't say anything until he'd finished fixing his eggs and sat at the table. He took a deep breath and looked at her. "Maddie Conrad is my daughter," he said. Scarlett gasped. "I've known it since before she was born. But I was a drunk back then and I let Rayna raise her with Teddy Conrad."

Scarlett still looked stunned. "And that's why you went to Austin?"

Deacon took a bite of food and chewed slowly. He swallowed. "I didn't set out to go to Austin. It's just where I ended up. But it is why I left here."

"Is that why you won't come here?"

Deacon sighed deeply. "Partly. It just hurt too much to be here. It seemed like it would be easier if I just…stayed away. I wanted to do the right thing by Maddie."

Scarlett thought for a moment. "So are you back for Maddie?"

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "I think so. I'm not sure. Rayna just texted me a couple days ago and said they needed me." He took another bite of food. Then he pushed the rest of the food around on his plate. "I don't know what's going on. I ain't seen Maddie since she was a baby. Or heard anything about her since then. So I don't know."

Scarlett looked confused. "Why didn't I know this?"

Deacon frowned at her. "I didn't want to talk about it. It seemed best to let it lie, until she was ready."

"Does she know you're her daddy?"

"S'posed to. That was the deal. I let Rayna raise her with Teddy and she'd tell Maddie when she was old enough. And if Maddie wanted to see me, she'd call."

Scarlett frowned. "But you hadn't heard from her." Deacon shook his head. "Deacon, I can't believe she wouldn't want to meet you." She was a little surprised Deacon didn't wonder more about that. It seemed odd, but she didn't want to pry too much. Her uncle was an intensely private person.

Deacon looked at her sadly. "I guess she has this good life. Until now, maybe. I guess a divorce can mess things up. I don't know the story on that."

"So did you see Rayna last night?"

He nodded. "I did, for a minute. But I'm going over there today. To talk and find out what's going on, I guess."

She took a deep breath. "Wow. I just wouldn't have guessed any of this. I mean, I knew you and Rayna were together back before you left Nashville, but I didn't suspect this." She frowned a little. "So no one knows you're Maddie's daddy?"

He shook his head. "I signed this paper that said Teddy could raise her. I guess his name's on the birth certificate. We just thought, well, Rayna thought it would be best for Maddie…."

Scarlett reached for his hand. "I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how it must feel to not be able to be with your daughter. Especially after all the stuff with…."

Deacon scowled. "Drop it," he said sternly. He didn't want to get into a conversation about Jackson and how that compared to Maddie.

Scarlett looked down. "Sorry," she whispered.

Deacon worked his lip. "No, I'm sorry." He sighed. "I just wanna concentrate on Maddie while I'm here, okay?"

"How long will you be here?"

"I don't know. Long as it takes, I guess."

* * *

When he was dressed, he picked up his phone. He scrolled down to Rayna's number and his thumb hovered over her name. He didn't know what to expect. He'd wondered, all these years, why he'd never heard from Maddie. Even though he'd brushed off Scarlett's questions, he had to admit that had nagged at him over the years. He hadn't wanted to think too hard about it though, so he'd always pushed it aside. But now he was wondering again. Maybe he'd find out more today. Finally he pressed the call button and put the phone to his ear.

"Hey," came her voice from the other end.

He breathed in. He felt his heart beat a little faster. "This a good time?"

"Yeah." She paused. "So I'll text you the gate code. Just come on through."

"Okay."

After a moment she said, "Thanks for coming, Deacon. I'll see you soon."

"Yeah. Bye, Ray." But she was gone. He stood, looking at his phone for a minute, then stuck it in his pocket, picked up his keys, and headed out the door.

* * *

When he drove up to her house, Deacon was surprised. But maybe that was just because when they were together, material things didn't matter. He had bought the cabin, of course, but they had rented a small bungalow in East Nashville. And now she was living in this gated mansion on the outskirts of Belle Meade.

He guessed it was the kind of place a star like Rayna Jaymes would have. He certainly had lived in a place like this with Blair, but now he just lived in his small lake house on Lake Travis outside Austin. He walked around to the back door and knocked.

When she opened the door, he swallowed hard. _God, she was gorgeous._ He hadn't told her the night before that he'd missed her too, but he had. He had thought about her every day. Being this close to her now, it was hard not to just sweep her up in his arms and kiss her.

"Hey," she said, a little breathlessly, a smile on her face.

He grinned at her. "Hey." She stepped aside and he walked in. When she closed the door, he reached out and pulled her in for a hug.

The hug lasted just a little too long and Rayna pulled back. She'd had butterflies waiting for him to get to her house. She was both looking forward to seeing him and anxious about what she had to tell him.

They walked into the kitchen. "I was making some tea," she said. "Would you like some?"

He wasn't really a tea person, but he guessed it was okay. "Yeah, okay," he said and watched her prepare two mugs. He took the one she offered him and leaned on the counter. "You sounded great last night."

She smiled and took a sip of her tea. "Thanks. You did too. The crowd loved you. It was so great that you came the night of Watty's tribute."

He shrugged and smiled. "I had no idea that was happening until Watty told me. He was the one that talked me into going." He breathed in and straightened up. "So when do you go out on tour again?"

She rolled her eyes. "Who knows? The label is trying to make me open for Juliette Barnes."

Deacon frowned. "What?"

She nodded. "Co-headline, they tried to spin it. But the reality is opening."

He shook his head. "No wonder she asked me to co-headline. That's just crazy, Ray. She ain't fit to walk in your shadow."

She gave him a tiny smile. "Thanks." She sighed. "An option is to do a small venue tour. The arena dates I have aren't selling, my album's a stiff. I just wasn't expecting this, Deacon. I'm not ready to hang up my rhinestones just yet. Plus the timing totally sucks."

"But if you're going through all this divorce stuff, maybe it's not a bad thing. Gives you more time with your girls."

She looked away. "I need the money, quite honestly. Teddy had some bad business deals a few years back and we're in bad shape. And now the divorce. I might not be able to keep this house."

Deacon took a moment. "Sorry to hear about the divorce, by the way."

Rayna smirked. "No, you're not."

He chuckled. "No, I'm not." He smiled. "You deserve better, Ray."

Rayna gave him a tiny smile. "Well, it's been hard on the girls especially."

Deacon nodded. "So, is this why you wanted me to come to Nashville?"

She felt sick to her stomach. _How could I have let this happen?_ "Yeah, kind of. It's been really hard on Maddie. I mean, she's been going through all the stuff teenagers go through. Acting out, bad grades, sneaking out of the house. But now it's worse."

Deacon leaned on the counter. "What's going on, Ray? What do you need me to do?"

"I think she's gonna need you, Deacon. She may not act like it right now, but I think she is." She bit down on her lip. "Teddy and I have been alternating weeks in the house so that the girls can stay here all the time. He's not supposed to have that…her over here. But he calls her and she calls him. And the girls didn't know anything about that." She sighed. "Maddie overheard him talking to her. And telling her he loved her. So she got mad."

He raised his eyebrows. "I get that."

Rayna took a deep breath. "But there's more. She went snooping. I don't know why or what she was looking for, but she found a storage box in my closet and went through it. And she found a paternity test. And the agreement you signed."

Deacon stood up straight and frowned. "I don't understand. She knew all that. Why would that upset her?" He watched Rayna's face and the look of anguish that crossed it and he started to feel his blood boil. He took a deep breath and then blew it out. "Wait. You never told her." Rayna shook her head, tears filling her eyes. He scowled. "That was our deal, Rayna. You were supposed to tell her she was mine."

His voice was deceptively calm, but hard-edged. It scared her a little. "I know," she said. "I'm so sorry."

Deacon turned away from her, one hand on the back of his neck and the other at his waist. He breathed in and out. "So she thinks I gave her away. Didn't want her."

Rayna walked over and put her hand on his arm. "No, Deacon…."

He shook her off and turned around, his eyes flashing angrily, his hands on his hips. "Goddammit, Rayna, how could you have done that?" His voice was louder, but he wasn't yelling. "You didn't give me a choice about being her daddy in the beginning and then you let her believe Teddy is? How could you do that?"

"I'm sorry, Deacon," she pleaded, her voice distraught. "But you left Nashville and I didn't know where you were. I thought maybe you were dead, or something. It was two and a half _years_ before I knew you were even still alive."

Deacon wheeled around to look at her. Now he was yelling, anger coursing through him. "That wasn't our deal, Rayna! I let you take away my little girl, but she was supposed to know about me! I thought the reason I never heard from her was because she didn't want to know me. That she had this good life that she was happy with. Not that she never knew I existed!"

"Deacon, please listen…."

"Listen to what? Listen to you explain why you lied to our daughter? How you cut me out of her life?" He started to pace, throwing his hands in the air. "She's _mine_, Rayna! She's always been _mine_! I let Teddy raise her. I didn't give her to him for keeps!" He glared at her. "Whose decision was it to do this?"

Rayna looked devastated. "Teddy and I talked about it together," she said quietly, trying to sound calm when she felt anything but.

Deacon had an incredulous look on his face. "You decided together to just erase me from her life." He shook his head. "Damn, Rayna. I might have expected that from Teddy, but not from you."

Rayna was crying. "I was wrong…."

Deacon was furious. "You're damn right you were wrong." He put his hands on his hips and breathed out. "And so now what? She thinks I abandoned her, didn't want her, and she doesn't want to see me. Is that it?"

"She felt hurt at first, Deacon. But I explained."

"She didn't believe you, though, did she?" He slammed his hand on the counter. "Damn it, Rayna. What am I supposed to do now?" He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, she could see the heartbreak there. He looked at her for a long moment and then headed for the door.

Rayna went after him. "Deacon!" she called out. "Deacon! Please come back. We need to talk about this."

He waved her off, getting in his truck and speeding down the drive, scattering gravel as he went. She stood with her hands over her mouth, tears spilling down her cheeks.

* * *

He could feel the blood roaring in his ears as he drove. He hadn't thought he could feel as betrayed as he had felt when he'd found Blair's pill stash and realized she'd caused the death of their son. He hadn't thought he'd ever have to deal with pain like that again in his life. Until now. And this, somehow, felt worse. Maybe because Rayna was the one person he'd trusted all his life. Even though she'd convinced him that giving up Maddie was the right thing to do, he'd trusted her. He'd trusted her to follow the terms of their agreement. He'd expected that she'd live up to her end of the deal.

He felt tears pricking at his eyes and he used one hand to swipe at his eyes. _No wonder I never heard from her. No wonder I never heard from Rayna. How could I have been so stupid?_ He was staggered by the pain of the lie. Through all the trials he'd gone through the last thirteen years, the one thing he'd hung on to was his daughter. The daughter he'd shared with the woman he'd loved more than anyone. And now that was gone too.

Without realizing it, he suddenly was in front of Scarlett's house. He sat in his truck, banging his hand against the steering wheel. He rubbed his face with his hands and realized he was crying. _She thought I left her. That I didn't want her._ He should have known better. That damn Teddy Conrad took everything that had been his.

He finally got out of the truck and headed up the steps. He let himself in the house and headed for the bedroom. He pulled his bag out of the closet and started to throw his clothes in it.

"Deacon? Is that you?" Scarlett called out, as she hurried out of the kitchen. She walked up to the door to the guest bedroom to see her uncle frantically throwing his things into his overnight bag. "What's going on?"

He glanced at her quickly and then went back to what he was doing. "I'm going back to Austin," he growled.

She looked surprised. "What? Wait a minute, I thought you were here to see Maddie."

"Maddie doesn't want to see me." He stopped and put his hands on his hips.

She ran around to look at him and the look of despair on his face broke her heart. "I don't understand. I thought that was the reason Rayna asked you to come."

He worked his lip and then ran a hand over his mouth before finally speaking. "That's what I thought, too, but I was wrong." He couldn't look at Scarlett. "She never told Maddie I was her daddy." His voice was practically a whisper.

She grabbed his arm. "Oh, Deacon. Why?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. What difference does it make why she did it? All that matters is that Maddie never knew. That was our agreement, but Rayna never told her. She and that damn Teddy Conrad decided not to tell her." He looked at Scarlett, his face dark with anger and hurt. "So there's no need for me to stay after all. I came here for nothing." He turned back to packing his bag.

Scarlett grabbed his arm again. "Deacon, stop." He turned to look at her. "I think she still needs you. This is your chance to build a relationship with your daughter and you should take it."

Deacon scowled. "She doesn't need me."

"You don't know that. And isn't that why Rayna wanted you to come? I think she needs to know her daddy. Maybe she just needs some time."

Deacon put his head down and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Maybe I just expected too much," he said quietly.

Scarlett sat down on the bed and pulled her uncle down next to her. "Deacon, don't give up," she pleaded. "You came all the way here to be there for her. She still needs you, maybe she just doesn't know it yet. But you have a right to know her. She has a right to know you. Just 'cause other people messed that up don't mean you can't have it."

Deacon breathed in, closing his eyes. He rubbed his face and then he opened his eyes, looking back at Scarlett. "I do want to know her," he said. "I hadn't thought about much else all these years."

Scarlett gave him an encouraging smile. "Then do it."

Deacon gave her a tight smile. "I'll think about it."

* * *

He ended up heading over to Watty's studio that afternoon. He'd been gone from Nashville long enough that he didn't really know anyone else and he needed someone to talk to that he could trust. Watty knew Rayna and him better than most anyone anyway, so he seemed like a good bet.

"Hey, Deacon," Watty said with a smile, as he shook Deacon's hand. "It was good to see you out on the Opry stage last night."

Deacon grinned. "I have to say it felt damn good. You don't have that kind of place anywhere else. So how'd you get them to do a tribute for you?"

Watty chuckled. "Believe it or not, they came to me. I told them not to do it, but you know, they kind of insisted."

"Must've been nice having all those people saying nice things about you."

"The music was better." He looked at Deacon carefully. "Have you seen Rayna?"

The smile left Deacon's face and Watty noticed a sadness appear. "Yeah. It didn't go so good though."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Watty had been one of the few people that had known about Maddie back when Rayna found out she was pregnant. He'd been a mentor to both of them and as close to a father figure as either had ever had. He had avoided giving advice, just letting himself be available when either had needed to talk. He didn't want to take sides. He'd been saddened by how it had all played out.

After Deacon had left town, he'd made it his mission to find him. Rayna had been frantic with worry and, as time went on, she had been afraid he was dead. Watty knew that when she'd given up hope, she'd made the decision to focus on her marriage. When Watty finally found Deacon and told her, she had sat in his studio and broken down in huge, gasping sobs. He'd sat with her until she was able to pull herself together and then he'd promised her he'd get Deacon to go back to rehab.

When he'd returned from Colorado, he'd let her know Deacon was okay and then they'd never spoken of it again. He'd always wondered about that whole arrangement, but it hadn't been his decision and no one had asked his opinion, so he hadn't given it. He'd been encouraged when Deacon had told him Rayna had reached out to him, but now it didn't seem as though it had been the warm reunion maybe it should have been.

Deacon leaned back against a mixing board and put his hands in his pockets. He worked his lip and then looked up at Watty. "She never told Maddie the truth," he said.

Watty breathed out. "I didn't know that. But she and I really didn't talk much about it after I found you. I told her where you were and that you were okay. I know she was relieved. She'd been really worried about you, after all. But that was it."

"So she never told you she and Teddy planned to keep that from Maddie?"

Watty shook his head. "I'm sorry about that, Deacon."

"Yeah." He looked away for a moment. "I was gonna go back to Austin. Just forget it and go on back."

"But now you're not?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. A part of me wants to. I don't want to make waves." He looked at Watty, his gaze intense. "But she's my daughter. I always thought one day I'd get to be her daddy. In some way. And she's going through all this stuff right now and, I don't know, maybe she does need me."

Watty put a hand on Deacon's shoulder. "It's your decision, Deacon, but if it were me, I'd stay. This could be your only chance. If you walk away now, then what does she think?"

Deacon nodded. "Yeah." He sighed. "You're right. I guess the part that bugs me is that Rayna made this decision. And I don't know how to get past that part."

Watty made a face. "That one's tougher, I'll admit. But I do think she was always trying to give Maddie a good life. A life that was normal. And she did that. For a lot of years, Teddy was a normal kind of balance in their lives. It's really just been in the last few years that things have gone haywire. Rayna's been able to keep those girls out of the spotlight though and you should be glad for that." He smiled. "Maddie's a good kid. She's smart and she's talented. Give it a chance."

Deacon breathed out. "I guess you're right."

* * *

As he headed out to his truck, he called his manager and left a message. "Hey, Steve. So, I'm in Nashville. Looks like I'm going to be here a little while. Got some family stuff to take care of. We're not due in studio for another couple months, so I'm good. I'll let you know when I'm back in Austin. If something comes up, you can call me." He clicked off and then looked at the screen, debating his next move.

He got in the truck and started it up, then sat back. He'd been thrown for a loop, but Watty was right. The reason he came was for Maddie and he wanted to know her, wanted to be there for her if he could. He pulled his phone back out and called Rayna's number.

"Hey, Deacon," her voice came over the line, sounding relieved. "I'm so glad you called."

He took a deep breath. "I ain't calling for you, Rayna. But I want to see Maddie. Can we set up something?"

* * *

_**So it wouldn't be a good Deacon/Rayna story without some angst, so here it is. Now we get to see how they work through all this, including Rayna not living up to her end of their agreement. Stay tuned!**_


	5. Chapter 5

As luck would have it, Daphne was going to a friend's house after school and staying through dinner. Maddie got in the car and slammed the door, turning to look out the passenger side window. Rayna looked at her. "And good afternoon to you, too, Maddie," she said. Maddie's sullenness was getting old. Maddie just shrugged. "How was your day?"

Maddie turned to look at her. "I would rather not talk, if that's okay with you," she said, a sneer on her face.

"Well, it's not okay with me, young lady. So, how was your day?"

Maddie crossed her arms over her chest and frowned. "It was okay."

Rayna headed down the drive and out onto the street. "Anything exciting happen today?" she asked. Maddie turned to look out the side window and was silent. Rayna sighed and just decided to let it go. When they got to their house, Rayna reached out the window and entered the gate code. After the gates opened, she drove through. She quickly glanced over at Maddie as they pulled up to the house.

Maddie caught sight of the truck sitting out front. She looked over at Rayna. "Who's here?"

Rayna didn't answer until she pulled up to the side of the house and turned off the car. Then she turned to look at Maddie. "Deacon," she said.

Maddie looked at her incredulously. "I can't believe you," she said, shaking her head. "I told you I wasn't interested."

Rayna eyed her daughter carefully. "I heard you and I don't really care. He drove all the way here from Austin to see you." She sighed. "Maddie, this is on me. Don't turn your anger on him. Give him a chance. He really wants to get to know you."

"Well, he should have come to Nashville before now then, shouldn't he? It's a little late for a father-daughter reunion." She huffed. "Or whatever it is. Because I sure don't think of him as a father."

"But, Maddie, he is. Your father. And he's here now."

Maddie's look turned pleading. "I don't want to do this, Mom," she said.

"Please, Maddie. Just meet him, anyway."

Maddie rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I don't have a choice, do I?"

Rayna gave her a tight smile. "No, you don't." She looked out the windshield. "He's out by the pool. Just give it a chance. Please."

Maddie sat still for a moment, then opened the door and got out. "Fine!" she cried and slammed the door, stomping around the back of the house. Rayna sighed and grabbed Maddie's backpack. She got out and headed for the back door. She really hoped Maddie would give Deacon a chance, but she was afraid that wouldn't happen, at least not this first time. Which was why she'd asked Deacon to do this here.

* * *

Deacon hoped that Maddie would see him. He wasn't sure what to say to her at this point. He wasn't thrilled with Rayna's suggestion that he meet with Maddie at her house, but he supposed she was right, that if Maddie bailed, at least she was at home. He thought back to their conversation when he'd called her.

"_I'm glad you want to see her," Rayna said, her voice hopeful. "Why don't you come over here?"_

"_Why don't I just pick her up and we can go somewhere to talk? I don't want you hovering around." He wasn't sure he could look her in the face right now._

"_Well, what if she gets upset? She's developed this habit of just walking off and I don't want her to be someplace where she can't get back home easily."_

"_Damn it, Rayna, I'm not going to hurt her!"_

"_I didn't say you would, Deacon, but she's angry. She asked me this morning if I was going to make her see you, so I don't know that she's going to be welcoming."_

_He slumped. Somehow he'd hoped that maybe she was curious, that maybe she didn't completely blame him. But it sounded like that wasn't the case. He worked his lip and then finally sighed. "Okay. But just Maddie and me. I don't need you to referee."_

"_That's fine. I'll leave the two of you alone, if that's what you want. I'll be picking her up from school at 3:15. Why don't you come then?"_

"_Fine. I'll be there then."_

And so now he was here, waiting. Rayna had suggested the pool area. It was far enough from the house that they would have some privacy, yet close enough that, if Maddie had a meltdown, she wouldn't have far to go. Rayna had wanted to talk when he got there, but he'd rebuffed her. For a brief moment, he'd felt bad when he saw how hurt she was, but then he remembered that she'd put them in this position, and the walls went up. Maybe one day they'd be able to talk about it, but it wasn't going to be today.

Deacon tried to think about what he could say to Maddie. He remembered what Watty had said about her being talented and a really good guitar player. Maybe that would be a starting point. He smiled a little to himself, thinking that his daughter could sing and play guitar. It made him feel like they had a connection, even though they'd been apart all these years.

He thought again about that day he'd seen her. The only time he'd seen his daughter. Rayna hadn't wanted him to come over, just wanted to cut ties and make it a clean break. But he couldn't do that. Maddie was part of him. Even if he wasn't going to be the one raising her, he wanted to see her, at least once. He hadn't known then that he would leave town. That had been a spur of the moment decision, so on that warm spring day, when he'd found himself standing on the front stoop of the little house that Rayna and Teddy lived in, he still hoped that maybe he could have a place in his daughter's life.

Rayna hadn't let him hold her for long. She had seemed nervous the whole time Maddie was in his arms. But he'd insisted. He wanted to feel her, touch her. He knew it might be a while before he did that again. He'd just had no idea it would be her whole life. But that late spring morning, with the sun shining through the window into the nursery, Rayna had settled Maddie in his arms, after showing him how to hold her. She had looked at him so intently, with her big blue eyes. He had run his hand over her head, covered with wispy dark hair, so like his. He had touched her cheek with his finger. Her skin was so soft and velvety. He could still remember how soft she felt, how pretty she was. He remembered how she'd felt, cuddled in his arms. He hadn't been able to stop the tears that day and he had hoped that Rayna would change her mind about letting him see her again. But she hadn't. When she'd whisked Maddie away from him and put her back in her crib and then hustled him out of the room, she'd also made him sign that damn agreement. The one that said Teddy could be her father and that he had to wait to see if Maddie wanted to see him.

He just hoped she'd be willing to see him now.

While he waited, he paced in front of the pool. He stood at one end and looked out over the expanse of it. A pool was something Blair had insisted on. He had preferred the lake and the lake house he owned on Lake Travis. That place had reminded him a lot of the cabin he'd bought for Rayna. He still owned that place, although he wasn't sure why, since he hadn't been there since he'd left Nashville. He'd hired someone to maintain the place for him, but he'd never sold it. Maybe he should check it out as long as he was here.

The Lake Travis place was smaller, but just as private, on its own little cove. No one really bothered him there. His favorite thing to do was to sit on the back porch, writing music. It had been the place he'd retreated to after Jackson died and where he now lived, since the divorce. He looked back at the pool. Blair had hated Austin, which he thought was odd, since she'd gone to the University of Texas. But she was a big city girl and Austin just wasn't quite big enough for her. So he'd had to buy a house in Dallas for her, worthy of his position in the musical power elite of Texas. In the beginning, when all he'd wanted to do was please her, he'd been happy to do it. But when it became obvious that she was going to spend most of her time in Dallas when he wasn't touring, it had pissed him off. He wasn't a fan and preferred the off-beat eccentricity of Austin. He realized now that Austin was merely a southwestern version of Nashville, probably the reason it had appealed to him. But the Dallas house was no longer, sold after the divorce. It hadn't suited him and he wondered if this place really and truly suited Rayna, or if it had been something Teddy wanted.

_Teddy._ He sneered at the thought of him. He had thought Teddy was a pretentious prick, back in the days when Rayna started dating him, after she'd told him she couldn't live with a drunk anymore. Teddy, with his banking job and his three piece suits and clean cut look. Boring Teddy Conrad. He never understood what Rayna saw in him. Still didn't. He was surprised the marriage had lasted as long as it had, considering the way in which it had come about.

Just then he heard a car door slam and he turned towards the back of the house. He felt nervous then, wondering if she'd come to see him after all. Shortly a young dark haired girl appeared. She stopped as she saw him and he had the chance to look at her. Her hair was down around her shoulders, tucked behind her ears, and she wore glasses that made her look bookish. She was wearing a school uniform, it looked like, a white blouse and a short plaid skirt. Too short, he thought. She was tall and slender and she had a frown on her face. He smiled at her. Maddie. His girl.

"Hey," he said. She just looked at him. "I'm Deacon. Deacon Claybourne." Ah, he didn't need to do that, he was sure. She knew who he was.

She didn't move, just crossed her arms over her chest. "I know who you are," she said, her voice flat.

He put his hands on his hips, not knowing what to do with them. He knew it was stupid to hope for it, but somehow he'd hoped maybe she'd want a hug. "I'm glad to meet you," he said. "Well, not meet you, 'cause I've met you before, but you were just a baby…." He sounded stupid, he knew that.

She still didn't move towards him. "Why are you here?"

He rubbed a hand over his mouth. "Your mama sent me a message, so I came. She thought you were going through some stuff…."

"You never came before. Why should I care that you're here now?"

That was a good question. One he wasn't sure he had a good answer for. He wanted to tell her the truth, that Rayna and Teddy had kept him from her, but he wasn't ready yet to be that blunt. He worked his lip, then took a deep breath. "I'm your dad, Maddie. I wanted to get to know you." That was as close to the truth as he thought he should go right now.

She made a face. "You're not my dad. Maybe biologically you are, but you just left me. You never came to see me or even asked about me all these years. Why should I care now?"

He looked down at his feet, then back at her. "That wasn't how I wanted it," he said.

Her face got all screwed up, like she felt hurt. "Then why did you do it?" she cried. "Obviously Mom didn't tell me about this, but you never came. You stayed away. In fact, I know that you have this 'no Nashville' thing in all your contracts. So you purposely stayed away from me." He thought he saw tears in her eyes. "So why now? Why is now different?"

He took a couple steps towards her and she backed away, which broke his heart. "Maddie, I'm sorry, I never meant to do that."

She slung her arms down by her hips, her fists clenched. "But you did. Why would I want to know you now when you never cared about me before?" She swiped at her eyes and pushed up her glasses on her nose. "You made a mistake coming here. You should just go back to Texas. I am not interested in getting to know you." And then she whirled around and ran towards the house.

Deacon watched her until she disappeared. He wasn't sure what to do next. He felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. He wasn't sure what he'd expected, but he hadn't really thought she'd just shut him out completely. He needed to regroup. He took a deep breath and headed back for the front of his house and his truck.

When he got to the truck, Rayna came running out the front door. "Deacon!" she called out. "Wait!"

He hesitated as he opened the door, but finally turned to face her. "You can tell her I'll go back to Austin, like she wanted," he said, his voice cold.

She reached out and grabbed his arm. "Don't," she pleaded. "Don't give up on her. Please, Deacon."

He widened his eyes and smiled sarcastically. "Really, Rayna? How am I supposed to fix this? What am I supposed to tell her? She said I didn't reach out to her. Ever. She's right about that. I was waiting for _her_, because that's what you told me to do, but she's right. It's on me. I could've made the effort. And I didn't. And now I gotta live with that. But you're the one that started this, by taking her away."

Rayna suddenly looked angry, her eyes steely. "You know, I get that I messed up. I didn't tell her you were her father and I know you're angry with me about that. But you put us in that position to start with, Deacon. You couldn't stay sober and you couldn't be the man that could provide for us. You couldn't be my husband and her father then, so that we could be a family. I resented you for a long time for that. So I protected my daughter, _our_ daughter. And if I gave her a happy life, where she was loved and cared for, I'm not going to feel bad about that.

"You say you want to reach out to her, but you're so quick to just give up. One meeting, where she isn't ready, and you're gonna bail. Go back to Austin. Just what she thinks you'll do, because she's afraid to let you in. Damn it, Deacon, she's been hurt, by all this. Don't disappoint her again."

Deacon stood looking at her, working his lip, breathing hard. He wasn't sure what to say, so, in the end, he said nothing. He got in his truck and drove off.

* * *

Rayna felt despair as she watched Deacon drive away. She'd asked him here because she thought it would help and she still thought he could reach Maddie, if he tried hard enough. But she also knew that she'd hurt him really badly. She'd hurt him when she'd taken Maddie from him and raised her with Teddy and then she'd hurt him again by not telling Maddie Deacon was her father. She wanted them to be able to fix this, but she was afraid she had made it worse.

She turned and walked back in the house and up to Maddie's room. Maddie's door was open, so she walked in. Maddie was propped up on her bed, listening to music. When she saw her mother enter the room, she took out the ear buds and put the iPod on her bedside table. Rayna took it as an invitation to sit and climbed up on Maddie's bed to sit next to her. She put her arm around her daughter.

"I'm sorry I blindsided you like that, sweet girl," she said. "But I didn't want you to say no."

Tears sprung up in Maddie's eyes. "Everything's so mixed up," she said. "I mean, I grew up one way, and now I find out Dad's not my dad, and Deacon is. And I don't know him. And I don't understand why he didn't want to see me before."

Rayna sighed. "I don't think it was that he didn't want to see you, Maddie. I think he was waiting to be invited. And that was my fault." She looked at her daughter. "I'd really like for you to give him a chance." She smiled. "You got your guitar playing from him."

Maddie looked surprised. "I did?"

Rayna laughed softly. "You sure didn't get that from me." She took Maddie's hand. "At least give him another chance. Please?"

Maddie shrugged. "I guess."

* * *

Deacon knew Scarlett was working that night, so he drove by the Bluebird after leaving Rayna's. As she let him in, she asked, "How did it go?"

Deacon shook his head, his eyes sad. "It didn't."

Scarlett looked crestfallen. "She wouldn't see you?"

"No, she saw me. But she told me she didn't want to know me. That, in her mind, I'd given up on her."

Scarlett hated how despondent he looked. "Oh, no. But you're gonna try again, right?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I feel bad because she's right, I could've called Rayna. And I didn't."

"But you were trying to honor the agreement."

"Yeah. But look what that cost me."

Scarlett put her hand on his arm. "Don't give up, Deacon. Keep trying. You can't fix thirteen years in one visit."

"Yeah, I guess you're right."

Just then, Deacon heard his name. "Deacon Claybourne? Is that you?" He turned in the direction of the voice. The woman looked vaguely familiar, but he'd been gone so long he couldn't quite place her. She walked up to him, grinning broadly, her hand out. "Erika Nichols. Or maybe I was still Wollam then. From Tin Pan South?"

He recognized her then and smiled back. "Oh, yeah. Hey, Erika," he said, giving her a hug, instead of taking her hand. "What are you doing at the Bluebird?"

"I run it now. Amy sold it to the Nashville Songwriters and I'm running it. Dream come true for me."

Deacon nodded at Scarlett. "Did you know Scarlett's my niece?"

Erika smiled at Scarlett and squeezed her arm. "I did. We always like to hire legacies here, you know. It's good for business. But this is kind of a surprise, isn't it? I didn't think you ever came to Nashville."

Deacon looked embarrassed. He'd never been able to come up with a decent reason he felt comfortable using as to why he never played Nashville, so he typically avoided it. And now he felt worse, since Maddie had called him out on it. He had never thought about how it might make her feel. "Well, you know, they were doing that thing for Watty at the Opry and Watty kind of saved my life, so I owed him."

"Well, if you're in town long enough, I'd love to get you for a spotlight one night. One of the late shows."

Deacon smiled. "I'll think about it."

"Good. And it was great to see you. Just let Scarlett know when you want to do it and we'll fit you in." And then she hurried off.

Deacon looked back at Scarlett. "I hadn't seen her since maybe fourteen, fifteen years ago."

"Would you really do a spotlight?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe." He looked thoughtful.

"Well, what are you going to do about Maddie?" she asked.

He sighed. "I don't know. I guess I need to think about that."

"Don't let too much time go by." She took a deep breath. "Stay, Deacon. Be there for your daughter. Make it up to her. Make it up to both of you." She gave him a quick smile. "I gotta get to work. See you tonight if you're still up." And then she was off.

He sat at the bar for a few more minutes, thinking about how his visit with Maddie had gone and what he should do next. Scarlett had made a lot of sense. He didn't want Maddie to think he was giving up on her. Or giving up too easy. He got up and headed back for East Nashville.

* * *

After dinner, Maddie went up to her room and shut the door. She'd told Rayna she had homework, and she did, but she wasn't that interested in homework right then. She sat on her bed and closed her eyes. Life had really sucked the last couple months. When her mom and dad had sat Daphne and her down and told them they were splitting up, she'd been devastated. They had been good at hiding things, because she'd never even suspected.

It wasn't like she didn't know anyone whose parents were divorced, because it seemed like they all were, but her family had seemed so perfect. Her mom was famous, the Queen of Country Rayna Jaymes, but she was down-to-earth and loved doing silly, fun, girl things with her and her sister. She and Daphne sometimes got to go on tour with her and to the after-parties and she could pretend she was a famous star too. And her dad was funny and smart and always there for them. When the four of them were together, it was like they were a normal family, eating dinner together and having movie nights and all those things. So finding out that her parents didn't want to be together anymore was a shock.

But it turned out that wasn't the biggest shock of all. First, she'd overheard her dad talking to another woman and had figured out he was having an affair. She'd felt so hurt and confused. She wanted to say something to her mom, but she wanted to have some kind of proof. So she'd gone snooping in the closet, not sure what she thought she'd find. Of course, what she did find had turned her world upside down.

She'd waited until the day her mom came back to the house, during that short time window when both her parents were there together. She thought about that whole conversation.

_They were talking in the kitchen, when she walked in. "Mom? Dad?" she said and they turned to look at her. She walked over to the table where they were sitting and sat down as well. She put down two pieces of paper on the table and smoothed them out, sliding them partway over to them._

_She remembered the look of horror on her mom's face. Her dad had looked sick to his stomach. She was surprised at how calm she sounded, when she certainly hadn't felt that way inside. "I found these. A paternity test that says Dad isn't my dad. And this agreement that's signed by Deacon Claybourne, saying that he gave up the right to be my father. Please tell me what this means, because I don't understand." She could feel the tears well up in her eyes._

"_Maddie, where did you find these?" her mom asked._

_She frowned. "What difference does it make? Are you going to tell me what this means? Is Deacon Claybourne my father?" She knew she sounded shrill, but she was on the edge of breaking down._

_Her mom couldn't seem to speak. Her dad said, "Maddie, this is not how we would have wanted you to find out about this."_

_She couldn't help crying. "So it's true? When were you going to tell me?"_

_Her mom reached for her hand, but she snatched it away. "Maddie, please…."_

"_What does this mean?" she cried._

_Her dad sighed. "It means that Deacon Claybourne is your biological father, but I'm still your dad. Your mom wanted to give you a good life…."_

"_And so she made my dad go away?"_

"_Maddie, he's not your dad. He's just your biological father."_

"_But why didn't you tell me? This says you would tell me. And you didn't."_

"_Maddie, you had a good life," her mom said, pleadingly. "We didn't want to make it confusing. It seemed easier. And your dad, well, your dad loves you very much."_

_She stood up then. "I can't believe either one of you. How could you do this to me? And what about Deacon?"_

"_Honey, he has his own life now," her dad said. "I think he decided it was best for everyone to just leave things like this."_

_She felt sick to her stomach. "My whole life is a lie. I will never trust any of you ever again!" And she had run to her room._

Her parents had tried to talk to her after that, but she didn't want to talk about it. She found that her dad was happy to drop the subject. It was her mom that kept bringing it up. But it was so confusing. She didn't know how to feel about it all. About Deacon Claybourne. She knew who he was, of course, and she'd spent a lot of time searching for information about him. She thought she looked like him and she knew he was a great guitar player, so she wondered if her love of the guitar had come from him. But he'd given her up. Walked away and never come back. Until now.

She reached over and pulled out her iPod from the drawer in her bedside table. She inserted the ear buds and then turned it on and scrolled through her playlists and found the special one she had created, then hit shuffle. She'd been listening to this almost non-stop the last few weeks. She smiled at the first song that came up.

_Ain't gonna wait, ain't gonna pray / Got what it takes to keep me on the run / Not gonna stop for anything / I'm gonna roll, roll into the sun / Roll, roll, roll into the sun / Breathe in, breathe in / I got another day to breathe in  
_

* * *

After the girls were in bed, Rayna picked up her phone and called Tandy. "Hey, babe," Tandy said, when she answered. "How'd things go today?"

Rayna made a face. "Not great. Deacon's pissed at me, Maddie's pissed at me. The only person who's happy with me is Daphne, because I let her go to a friends' house."

"Oh, sweetheart, I'm sorry. So, tell me what happened with Deacon."

"Well, you know, he came over, and things started fine, but then I had to tell him why I wanted him to come to Nashville and he really got angry with me. I thought he was gonna just leave town without even trying with Maddie, but he did call and say he wanted to see her."

"And I guess that didn't go well either, based on your comment."

Rayna sighed. "No. I guess she didn't even give him a chance. She couldn't have been out there more than five minutes and she came running in the house, telling me that I was the worst. And that I could forget her doing that again."

"Ouch. And what about Deacon? Or did you talk to him?"

"I tried to. He was talking about leaving and going back to Austin. So just bailing on the whole thing, like he did when he left to start with." She paused. "You know, I think if he had stayed in Nashville back then, we'd have figured out a way to make all that work. But it just seemed like he couldn't do that, he couldn't face it all. And so he ran. You know?"

Tandy took a deep breath. She wanted to be honest with her sister, but she also knew that sometimes, if she went too far, Rayna would defend Deacon. "I think you could be right. He's an alcoholic, Rayna, and you know he didn't always make the best choices then. So he probably still doesn't. It's probably a lot to deal with and he hasn't had to deal with it for all these years."

"Well, that's true. I guess I'd hoped he had grown up some. I mean, I know he lost a child not so long ago, and I guess I thought that would make him more interested in the one he has."

"Do you think he heard you, sweetheart? Do you think he'll stay?"

Rayna picked at her top as she thought about that. "I don't know, Tandy. I hate it, but I really, truly don't know. I don't know Deacon anymore. He's not the same man I knew. A lot's happened to him and for him over the past thirteen years that I've had no part in. But, you know. I guess I thought I saw a little spark of something when I saw him at the Opry. And I felt it again when he came over yesterday. At least until I told him about Maddie." She sighed. "Now it feels like all those years ago, all over again. He has to deal with stuff and he can't, so he escapes, in this case to Austin. He just won't deal with things."

"What do you think Maddie wants?"

"She didn't say much after he left. But I think she'll give him another chance. If he sticks around." She paused. "Which I hope he does. I let Teddy talk me into not telling Maddie and I shouldn't have done that. I just want to give the two of them the chance to have the relationship they should have had."

* * *

The next day, while the girls were at school, Rayna went into their rooms to pick up dirty clothes and towels. While she was in Maddie's room, she saw her iPod on the desk. She wondered what Maddie was listening to these days. She turned it on and scrolled through her playlists. She was shocked to find one labeled "Deacon". When she looked at the song list, it seemed to include every album he'd released. She couldn't help but smile.

* * *

Deacon was in the kitchen making eggs and bacon when Scarlett walked in. "Morning," he said, with a smile.

"Someone's all perky this morning," Scarlett replied with a wink.

"Got a good night's sleep is all," he responded. "Eggs?"

She shrugged and smiled. "Sure, if you're making 'em." She sat at the kitchen table, drawing one leg up underneath her. "So, you staying?"

Deacon didn't respond while he finished the eggs and then divided them onto two plates. He brought them over to the table, putting one in front of her and then sitting down across from her with the other. He took a bite, swallowed and then looked at her. "Yep."

She grinned. "Good! When are you gonna see her again then?"

"I gotta check with Rayna. Soon, I hope."

"I'm really glad you're doing this, Deacon," she said. "And selfishly that means you'll stay around a little longer, so I'm all for that."

He just smiled at her and finished eating his breakfast.

* * *

After a meeting with the Nashville office of his record label, Deacon walked out to get in his truck. It was a sunny day and he slipped on his sunglasses. When he got to his truck, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. He scrolled down and hit call, then held the phone to his ear.

"Hey," came Rayna's voice on the other end.

"Hey. Listen, I'd like to see Maddie again, if she's okay with that. Maybe schedule something so it doesn't come as a surprise." He paused. "I was thinking maybe she might be interested in a guitar lesson or something."

Rayna smiled on the other end, her eyes shining with tears. "I think that's a great idea. Oh, and Deacon?"

"Yeah?"

"I think she'll be glad to see you."


	6. Chapter 6

Deacon had just gotten out of the shower when he heard his phone buzz with a text. He picked it up and saw the text from Rayna. _I'm at Soundcheck today at 11. Can you meet me?_ He bit his lip as he considered that. It had been a few days since they'd talked about him getting together with Maddie for a guitar session, but he hadn't heard back from her. He wasn't sure they needed to see each other to set that up, but then he decided he was falling back into some old patterns with her. A lot had happened in the past thirteen years and he wasn't going to let her call all the shots anymore.

_Sure. I'll see you there._ He looked at the clock and saw that it was 9:30. Soundcheck was less than fifteen minutes away. He could do some more work on the song he'd been playing around with before he went. He headed for the back door. Scarlett and Avery were out of town at a gig for Avery's band, so he had the house to himself.

The house had a nice backyard, with a deck and a fire pit. There was an upstairs apartment, so the area was shared, but he hadn't seen the upstairs neighbor the entire time he'd been back in Nashville, so he wasn't sure if it was vacant or if it was someone who was a traveling musician. He sat down and started working some chords on his guitar. He'd had a darker melody running through his head for a while, but he hadn't been able to get past the first few notes. They'd talked, amongst the band, about something that crossed the lines a bit with a rock 'n roll vibe, and he'd been trying to lay down a musical outline with limited success. Again, he was struggling to get beyond a few chords.

Finally he set his guitar down, then sat back and tried to visualize how it might look on the stage, hoping that would spark something. He closed his eyes and pictured the band on stage, everyone in their normal places. He visualized a spare guitar intro and fog enveloping the stage. He wanted the lyrics to be kind of in your face, like a rock song, but still with a country feel. Kind of like a bunch of outsiders. As he sank into the visual and let it take over, he got his inspiration. He opened his eyes and sat up, picking up the guitar, started to pick through the melody and let the words flow. He smiled to himself as he started to feel out the lyrics.

_They're the in crowd, we're the other ones / It's a different kind of cloth that we're cut from / We let our colors show, where the numbers ain't / With the paint where there ain't supposed to be paint_

_That's who we are / That's how we roll / The outsiders, the outsiders_

He stopped to jot down the words and chords, smiling to himself. There was nothing better than a great song idea coming to fruition. Even better was when it came in a rush, like it was meant to be.

By the time he finished, he'd lost track of time. When he pulled his phone out it was almost 11. He also noticed there was a missed call and a voice mail. He didn't recognize the number and he frowned. He didn't like the idea that someone he didn't know had his number. He quickly deleted it without listening and fired off a quick text to Rayna to let her know he was on his way and hurried into the house to drop off his guitar.

* * *

He pulled into the parking lot. The place was busy. He got out of his truck and started for the front door. "Deacon Claybourne?" He turned toward the voice. It took a minute, but then he smiled as he recognized Colin Linden.

"Colin Linden. How the hell are you?" he said and they hugged briefly.

"Damn, Claybourne, I thought I was looking at a hologram or something. What the hell are _you_ doing in Nashville, buddy? I thought this place was scorched earth for you."

Deacon thought it had been at least five years since he'd seen Colin and that had been out on the road somewhere, no telling where. He shook his head. "Just felt like coming back," he said, with a grin. "And, you know, the Watty thing." Colin didn't have to know he hadn't known about that until he arrived. "But what the hell are you doing here? This isn't your normal stomping ground either."

"I'm doing some work with Eric Paslay, so I've been here about a month or so. How long are you in town for?"

"Not sure. No real timeframe, although we go back in the studio in a couple months, so I'll have to get back to Austin then."

"You should think about recording here. There's some great studios around town and I know they'd love to have you."

Deacon shrugged and grinned. "You never know," he said.

Colin gestured over his shoulder. "I saw Rayna inside. Is that who you're coming to see?"

Deacon frowned slightly. "Yeah." He didn't really want to say more than that. "And I'm late, so gotta run."

"Hope to see you around town, Deke. I'm sure the Bluebird would love to have you."

Deacon grinned and then headed for the front door. He took off his sunglasses and looked around. He hadn't been here in years. He sometimes used the Soundcheck facility in Austin, but this was the original. He remembered rehearsing here with Rayna back in the days when he was still working for her. A lot had changed. He started for the rehearsal hall where Rayna had told him she'd be when he practically ran down Juliette Barnes.

She gave him a seductive smile that somehow just looked vixenish, rather than enticing. "I left you a message," she said. "The reason I was calling was to see about doing a little collaborating."

He smiled at her. He realized she must have been the missed call and voicemail. _She doesn't give up, this one._ He might not like her musical identity, but there was something intriguing about her, he had to admit. "Yeah, sure. When?"

She grinned. "How about now?"

He shook his head ruefully. "Can't right now. I'm meeting Rayna."

Just then Rayna walked up, frowning when she saw Deacon talking to Juliette Barnes. When she got to the two of them, though, she'd smoothed her face into the performance face. "Hey," she said, using her fake sweet voice, to Juliette. She turned to smile more genuinely at Deacon. "Hey, I was wondering where you were."

He turned to look at her. "Sorry, I got caught up with something. Didn't you get my text?"

She looked at her phone. "Oh, yeah, I did."

Juliette's eyes narrowed just a bit, but she kept up her smile. "So, I heard about your little tour," she said to Rayna.

Rayna nodded at her. "Yeah, it's just gonna be old school. You know, guitars and great songs, just a show for people who love actual music."

Juliette's smile turned brittle. She turned to look at Deacon. "Well, Deacon, if you change your mind about touring with me, the offer still stands." She pointed at him coquettishly. "Oh, and we need to work on writing that song."

He smiled and nodded at her. "Oh, yeah, we will." As Juliette walked off, he felt a little like he'd been caught in the crossfire between a fierce, but determined little fighter and the master of the ring, something he found amusing. He was pretty sure Rayna would win a cat fight, but then he didn't know Juliette well enough yet to know how she might stack up.

When he turned back to Rayna, she was frowning. "Writing a song, huh? We know where that leads. You and I used to write songs together, remember?"

He knew exactly what she meant by that. Some things hadn't changed, he thought. He gave her a sly smile. "Oh, I remember, all right. So, you wanted to talk?"

She took a breath. "Um, yeah." She opened the door to the rehearsal room and walked in, Deacon following behind. They sat across from each other at a table just below the stage. She made a great show of putting her phone in her purse, pulling out a bottle of water, and arranging her purse on the chair next to her, buying a little time to calm her nerves. Not only did being with Deacon give her butterflies, but the little exchange with Juliette bothered her. She clearly had her sights set on Deacon and Rayna didn't like it one bit. She looked up and Deacon was watching her, his face unreadable. "So, I don't have the girls this week, so I thought maybe you and Maddie could get together Monday after school. Would that work for you?"

He nodded. "We could have done this over the phone, Rayna."

She looked down. She folded her hands together on the table and fidgeted a little. Then she looked up at him. He had that little crease between his eyebrows that she remembered. "I felt like we didn't really get to talk about…things the other day, Deacon. I don't want us to be at odds with each other. Or angry. That won't help Maddie. And this is really about her."

He took a deep breath and tried to relax. "Yeah, you're right. I guess we both did things we regret."

She gave him a small smile. "I did talk to her about the guitar thing and she seems excited. She _is_ actually pretty good, much better than me."

He smiled more kindly. "Well, that doesn't take much, as I recall."

She blushed a little. "I wanted to be good." She looked away and then back at him. "I know I took you by surprise the other day, Deacon. And I really am sorry about that. But, you know, time just started going by and there never seemed to be a good time to do that."

He frowned. "What about when she was school age? Wouldn't that have been a time when she could have understood?"

"When is a good time to blow up your kid's life? I mean, she thought of Teddy as her dad and, whether you want to believe it or not, Teddy has been a really good dad to her. You know, he accepted her as his own from the moment she was born. He never treated her different than he did Daphne. He's been as good a father as you could want for a child."

Deacon rubbed his hands over his face and then sighed. "I guess I should appreciate that, but I can't."

"Why not?" Rayna looked disappointed.

He sat back in his chair, his hands on his thighs, his eyebrows raised. "Rayna, I thought I was going to have a relationship with my daughter. I kept waiting to hear from you, or her, and I never did. I get that I could have called you, and I should have. But I got sober. And I've been sober for over ten years. And I know you knew that."

She looked sad. "I did know that. And I'm proud of you. Truly I am."

He clasped his hands behind his neck, then rubbed the back of his head and threw his hands up in the air, his face incredulous. "I've had a successful career that I'm proud of. That Maddie could have been proud of. I would love to have had her visit me in Austin, go on tour with me. So much time wasted, so many memories we didn't get to have." He put his hands on the table and looked at her, his eyes full of sadness. "I didn't get to be part of anything in her life, the good or the bad. And now she thinks I just abandoned her. Signed an agreement to give her away. That was never what I wanted."

She could feel the tears pricking her eyes and willed them back. "You were trying to give her a better life," she said softly.

He frowned. "No, I wasn't. I was trying to do what _you_ wanted me to do. Damn it, Rayna, I loved you. I didn't want to do that. I wanted _you_, I wanted our daughter. You took that away!" He stood up and swiped at the chair, knocking it over.

She winced, startled. "Deacon, please."

He looked at her. She would have sworn there were tears in his eyes. His voice was very quiet. "You know, I get that I was in bad shape back then. I probably couldn't have been a good dad then. So I get that you did what you felt like was the right thing." He took a deep breath. "Maybe it would have been better if you'd never told me she was mine."

She raised her eyebrows. "No," she whispered. "I could never have done that. I could never have lied to you like that."

"But you lied to _Maddie_. By not telling her I was her daddy."

She looked down at her hands. "I did. You're right." She looked up. "And now I want to make that up to both of you. I want you to have a relationship with her, Deacon. You're her father and I've kept the two of you apart long enough." She sighed deeply. "I know you may never forgive me for that, but can you at least work with me, can we be civil to each other? For Maddie's sake?"

He sighed. He went and grabbed the chair he'd turned over, righted it, and sat down. He breathed in and out slowly. "I need to be able to tell her my story," he said. "I need her to know that I never meant for her not to know me."

She breathed in sharply. "Deacon…."

He frowned. "It's not my plan to make you look bad, Rayna, but I'm not okay with her thinking I just gave her away. And that's what she thinks. She knows about my not coming to Nashville and thinks it's about her and I have no good explanation I can give her."

"Am I the reason you did that?" she asked, tentatively.

_Yeah. It was always about you. I couldn't watch you with another man. I couldn't live here without you. _"It just seemed like it would be easier. For both of us." He sighed. "In the beginning. But the longer it went, well, it just hurt too much to think about being here."

She felt anguish that he'd sacrificed that for her. "I'm sorry you felt like you had to do that," she said softly.

He sat back in the chair, his arms folded over his chest. After a moment, he said, "I left Nashville feeling about as low as I've ever felt in my life. If I coulda done things different, I would have. I would never have hurt you the way I did, I would never have disappointed you the way I did. I guess I knew that I had screwed up the best thing I ever had and I had lost everyone I loved. It took me a long time to figure out I needed to change things. I was grateful to Watty for helping me." He sighed. "I have a good life now. I have the career I wanted and I'm successful, which is just gravy." He laughed and shook his head. "I remember how we used to talk about what you needed to do to get that next gig, to get a record deal, to win over that radio exec, get on the right tour. I never thought I'd get to do the same thing. But I did." He stopped and the smile faded from his face. "I want to be able to make up to Maddie what I couldn't give to her in the beginning. Be a dad she can be proud of."

She nodded and gave him a small smile. "I want that too, Deacon. I truly do." She took a swallow of her water. "I don't want us to fight, Deacon. You've been gone such a long time and I just don't want to fight."

He sighed and nodded. "I don't want to fight either."

She gave him a serious look. "I need to know that you'll go the distance though, Deacon. I mean, she's a teenager now and by itself that's enough, but she's gone through a lot these last few months. I have to know you'll be there for her."

He frowned. "She's my daughter, Rayna. Course I'll be there for her."

"But you were ready to go back to Austin, just because she pushed back." He just looked away and didn't say anything. "Deacon, she's the most important person in my life."

He looked back at her, his eyes filled with sadness. "Mine too."

She smiled hopefully. "We have a daughter together. And she needs her father. We need to be able to help her with this. Together."

He felt the fight draining out of him as he breathed out. "I know. You're right."

* * *

As he drove back to Scarlett's, Deacon thought about the conversation with Rayna and about how he'd thought things were going to go when he was driving to Nashville. Nothing had gone the way he'd expected. He was going to have to develop a relationship from scratch with a daughter that hadn't known she was his and had a chip on her shoulder the size of a boulder because of it. And he felt like, once again, he'd lost the woman he loved. But instead of losing her to his demons, this time he had lost her because of her lies.

He was sure he could eventually build a bridge with Maddie, if he was patient and just started with trying to win her trust. But he wasn't certain at all that the bridge could be rebuilt with Rayna. Trust had become important to him since he'd left Nashville and learned to stand on his own. After he'd rebuilt his sobriety, he'd tried to always be authentic in his dealings with others. Honor was important to him and keeping his promises and those were things he'd thought he had in Rayna. But he'd been blindsided by the fact that she would keep something so important from their daughter and, by extension, him. He wasn't sure he could rebuild that trust. At least not right now.

He was looking forward to the time with Maddie though and he was encouraged that she was open to it. He really did think that music could be the language they connected through. Music was all he'd had for a long time and music was what got him through the darkest times of his life. It also celebrated the things that were good and those were things he hoped he could share with his daughter.

He smiled to himself as he thought about starting that journey.

* * *

Rayna sat at the table for a long time after Deacon left, thinking about the conversation. When she'd sent that text to him, not quite two weeks ago, it was only after she'd thought about it long and hard. She had been afraid of his reaction and had wondered what the right thing was to do. She knew she could have just gone on pretending Maddie was Teddy's daughter, but she'd always wondered if someday Deacon would call or come by and she wanted to be in control of that conversation. Only she hadn't felt very in control at all. Once Maddie knew the truth, it had forced her hand.

When she'd married Teddy Conrad, back nearly fourteen years ago, she had felt like it was the right thing to do. He'd been good and kind and willing to be there for her. He loved her, she knew that, and it had seemed like the safest choice. She had known that if she hadn't taken him up on the offer of marriage, that it would have been public knowledge that Deacon was her baby's father. It wasn't that she was afraid of being a single mother, but she had wanted to avoid, at all costs, the embarrassment of having her baby grow up with an alcoholic for a father. She hated herself for feeling that way, for making the choices that she had, because she still loved Deacon. She just didn't think he'd ever get better and she just couldn't live that way anymore.

She had cried every day for a year over Deacon. She had hidden away the ring he'd given her the night he'd proposed to her at the cabin. The night Maddie was conceived. When she'd realized, after the day she'd let him visit Maddie, that he'd left Nashville, she worried. As the days and weeks went on, she had felt frantic. _If he's dead, it's my fault._ That was what she'd always been afraid of, even when they were together. Every time she'd struggled to rouse him when he was passed out, every time she got a phone call from a hospital, she was afraid she would find him dead.

When a year had passed and there had been no word from him, she'd finally started to give up. She had asked Watty to see if he could find out what had happened to him, certain her mentor would bring word of his demise. That was when she let Teddy talk her into reneging on the agreement. _Don't tell Maddie about him. What would be the benefit to her? He's probably dead by now. I love her and will always take care of her. She's my daughter._ And so she did.

When Watty called her that day, after she'd finally stopped wondering, and told her he'd found Deacon in Texas, she had cried with relief. He was still drinking, but he was alive. She told Watty if he could convince Deacon to go to rehab one last time, she'd pay for it. And that was when she started to regret her decision. But Teddy was firm and then he'd started talking about having another baby. Before she knew it, she was pregnant with Daphne and she had felt like she had chosen the path she'd have to stay on. Although there were still times she'd thought they needed to tell Maddie, it just had felt like it had gone too long. She'd moved on and built this different life, that Deacon was no longer a part of.

But now Deacon was back. And so were all the feelings she'd had for him all those years ago. He still left her weak at the knees. He still made her heart beat faster. He still stirred up that maddening little swirl of desire deep down inside her. He was thirteen years older, but he was still the most handsome man she'd ever laid eyes on. He still had that smoldering sexiness about him. His eyes were still the same warm blue, even though he now had little smile lines around them. His smile still turned her stomach upside down.

She'd probably messed things up, not telling him about Maddie. But she'd never thought she and Teddy would be where they were now, and she never thought she'd willingly invite Deacon back into her life. She leaned on her elbows and put her head in her hands. She hoped they'd be able to rebuild their relationship. She didn't want to lose him again.

"Hey, Rayna." Bucky's voice interrupted her thoughts. "You're here early."

She smiled sadly. "Hey, Buck. Just wanted to think through my set list."

* * *

Deacon looked around as he waited in the foyer for Maddie. He didn't feel like he could bring her over to Scarlett and Avery's. It wasn't his house. But he didn't like coming here. Not just because of Rayna, but because this house was just too much. It didn't feel like Rayna or a place where she'd live. It seemed over the top and he didn't feel comfortable here. But there really was nowhere else to go. He hoped that he and Maddie would be able to develop a good relationship and that maybe one day she'd be willing to come to Austin. Then he'd feel more at home.

Just then Rayna came down the stairs with Maddie. Today she was wearing jeans and a _Rayna Jaymes: Woman On Fire_ t-shirt, instead of that too short skirt. He smiled and she gave him a tiny smile back, not looking so unhappy to see him this time.

"I thought y'all might like to go into my music room," Rayna said. "It'll give you some privacy."

Deacon nodded. "That sounds good." _A music room?_ Rayna turned and he followed behind her and Maddie, down a hallway and around a corner.

It was a nice sized room, with comfortable furniture and guitars on stands placed around the room. Deacon smiled to himself, wondering who played those guitars. He looked around at the album covers and tour posters she had on the walls, along with her CMA's and Grammy's. She looked at both of them. "There are drinks in the little fridge, if you get thirsty." She looked a little wistful. "I hope y'all enjoy the afternoon."

When she left, and closed the door, Deacon and Maddie looked at each other cautiously. Deacon wasn't sure what to do, so he was grateful when Maddie spoke first. "We can sit here," she said, gesturing towards the couch.

"Okay." He felt strangely awkward, something he usually never felt. He'd learned over the years to get comfortable in any situation. But this was different. He knew he had something to prove to his daughter and he didn't want to get it wrong. He sat on the couch, setting his guitar case next to him. He took a deep breath. "So, I hear you like playing the guitar."

She smiled. "I do. Mom gave me one not too long ago and I've been playing around with it, watching some of those guitar lesson things on the internet."

He frowned. "Your mama didn't set you up with lessons?"

She nodded. "I do take lessons. But I like to do the online lessons too."

"What kind of guitar you got?"

She got up and grabbed a guitar that was laying against the piano. "This one," she said.

He smiled. "That looks kind of familiar."

"It was Mom's. She gave it to me."

He grinned as he remembered Rayna's struggle to play that guitar. "She tried real hard to play that thing. She tells me you're a lot better than her though."

She smiled again and he felt his heart nearly burst. Seeing her smile was going to be one of his favorite things, he thought. "It's been fun," she said. "But my regular teacher is not very advanced. And he won't let me really move ahead and do stuff I like."

"Is that why you go on the internet?" She nodded. "Well, as long as I'm here, I'd be glad to work with you on that advanced stuff." She smiled a little at that, but didn't say anything. He cleared his throat. "So, what kind of music do you listen to?"

"Well, Taylor Swift, of course. And Miranda Lambert. Carrie Underwood. Eli Young Band. Juliette Barnes."

He raised his eyebrows. "Juliette Barnes, huh?"

She shrugged. "She writes such fun stuff." She gave him a sly smile. "Plus Mom hates her, so…."

He smiled. "She does, huh?"

Maddie rolled her eyes. "She said she sounds like feral cats. I think she's just jealous that Juliette's so popular."

He couldn't help chuckling. "Really. Well, I'm actually gonna be doing some writing with her."

That really captured Maddie's interest. "Really? I'd love to meet her."

"Maybe I can arrange that."

She grinned. "That would be so awesome!" She looked down at her lap, then back up at him. "I've been listening to your band."

He breathed in. "Really?"

She nodded. "You're actually pretty good."

He smiled. "Pretty good, huh?" She nodded a little bashfully. "I know I'm not like Taylor Swift or Juliette Barnes, but I appreciate you giving us a listen." He leaned over then and opened his guitar case, pulling out his Martin. "How 'bout we play a little something? And I'll give you that first lesson."

Maddie smiled and reached for her guitar.

* * *

He thought later that she really was talented for a thirteen year old that hadn't played guitar for long. He showed her some basic chords and then they moved on to some that were more complicated and she was a quick study. He could feel her begin to relax with him and he started to feel the same.

When they finished, she looked up at him and smiled. "I'd like to do this again," she said.

He grinned. "Me too." He put his guitar back in the case and she put hers back against the wall. "So are you hoping to perform like your mama one day?"

She nodded, a little shyly. "I really want to write songs and play. I would love to play at the Bluebird someday."

He nodded. "The Bluebird is the place to do that, for sure."

"I guess you and Mom played there."

"We did. Actually that's where we met."

"Really? Cool." She suddenly looked serious. "Why did you never come back to Nashville?"

He took a deep breath. "You know, that wasn't my plan at first. I didn't even really want to leave at first."

"Why did you then?" She frowned.

He worked his lip, feeling a lump in his throat. "I don't really know, Maddie. I was sad, I guess. It was hard to be here and, you know, not get to be with you."

Maddie sat silently for a minute, looking a little bit like she might cry. "Why didn't Mom want you to be my dad?"

Deacon wasn't expecting that. He swallowed hard. "Maddie, I was an alcoholic, I _am_ an alcoholic. I've been sober for over ten years, but I was drinking back then. And it just wasn't a good situation. And I think your mama just wanted to protect you from all that." He breathed out. "But I loved you. I want you to know that."

Maddie teared up a little. She put her hands between her knees and rolled her shoulders forward. "Why didn't you fight for me?" she asked, her voice small and trembling.

Deacon ran his hands over his face, feeling tears in his own eyes. "I don't think I could have been a good dad then, Maddie. But I did think we'd get to be together. It just didn't work out that way."

"Was that because of Mom?"

"You'd have to ask her that, Maddie." He reached out tentatively and put a hand on her knee. "I'm sorry I didn't call or come see you. I should have. I think there was just some misunderstanding there." He breathed in. "But I'm here now. And I want to get to know you."

Maddie looked at him, her face all screwed up trying not to cry, and then she nodded. "I do too."

* * *

As he drove away from Rayna's, Deacon felt more encouraged about things with Maddie. Everything was still kind of tentative, but she wanted to see him again and they had set up another guitar lesson for Thursday. He could tell that Rayna was relieved that things seemed to have gone well, but he didn't stay to talk with her. He wanted to focus on Maddie. Just then, his phone rang. He saw that it was Steve, his manager, so he hit the Bluetooth.

"Hey, Steve, what's up?"

"Deke, you old codger. What the hell made you go to Nashville?"

Deacon smiled to himself. "Personal stuff."

"I hope this means Nashville's on the table now as a tour stop."

"Maybe. So that's not why you called."

"No, it's Eric." Eric was one of his guitar players. "He was in a bike accident over the weekend."

Deacon frowned. "What? How bad?"

"Actually, he was lucky. He laid it down in a grassy area. But he does have a broken arm and wrist."

"Ouch. What's that mean?"

"We're gonna have to push out getting back in the studio, maybe a month to six weeks. Unless you want to start without him."

The band typically went in studio and laid down tracks as though it were a performance. They never laid in overdubs or anything else, which contributed to their albums and tour performances sounding so much alike. It was their signature. "Nah. Actually it works out okay. Gives me a little more time here to get some things settled."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. And I'm working on some stuff too, so gives me more time on that. It's all good, Steve."

"Okay, then. I'll let the studio know we're backing things up. If anything changes, I'll holler."

"Great. Thanks." And he disconnected. He smiled, thinking he'd have more time with Maddie. _And maybe Maddie's mama,_ whispered unbidden through his head. But he frowned and pushed it back. _Not ready for that yet._

* * *

He was back at Scarlett's when his phone buzzed. When he looked it was that strange local number. At least he thought it was the same one. _Juliette._ So he answered. "Yeah?"

"Hey there, Deacon. It's Juliette."

He smiled. "Hey, Juliette."

"So, you up for some songwriting?"

"When?"

"Tomorrow?

"Sure. Where?"

"I've got a place along the river. Kinda quiet and peaceful. We could go there."

"How would I get there?"

Her voice got seductive then. "I could pick you up," she purred. "Just tell me where you're staying."

He chuckled. "How 'bout I meet you at Soundcheck and we go from there?"

"Sure, that works. Round noon okay?"

"Works for me."

"I'm looking forward to it."

As he disconnected, he shook his head and smiled to himself. She was not subtle, that one. He also thought that it had been awhile since he'd been with anyone and maybe she would be a nice casual fling. She certainly seemed interested and he got the feeling she wasn't the clingy type. He shrugged and walked out to the kitchen, where Avery and Scarlett were.

"Hey, Deacon," Scarlett said, with a smile, as Avery jumped up, almost nervously. "How'd the lesson go?"

"Good. Better than I thought it would." _God, that Avery boy was jumpy. He really needed to chill out a little._ "So, Scarlett, I was thinking about that spotlight thing Erika mentioned."

Scarlett grinned. "You wanna do it?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it might be a good way to try out some new material. Stuff that's not for the band."

"Cool. So when you wanna do it?"

"Maybe in a few weeks. Give me some time to get a set together. Can you work it out?"

"I sure can. I'll get it set up with Erika and I'll let you know." Deacon smiled at her and she did a little dance, clapping her hands. "This is gonna be so great!" she cried.

Deacon shook his head and laughed. She was certainly a ball of energy. Just the way he remembered her, in spite of the fact that she'd grown up with his crazy sister Beverly. He knew she'd been around his parents too, before they'd both died, and thought she'd turned out a lot better than he had for having been exposed to that, for which he was grateful.

So this being back in Nashville thing was feeling not so bad after all. He was making some progress with Maddie, despite a rough start. And it seemed to be good for his creative muscle. Maybe this would turn out to be a good trip after all.

* * *

_**The song is "The Outsiders" by Eric Church.**_


	7. Chapter 7

Deacon pulled into the Soundcheck parking lot right at noon. He parked over on the side and waited. He was pretty sure what Juliette Barnes really wanted wasn't just writing songs. But he'd decided he needed something a little uncomplicated and that maybe she'd be the one to fit the bill. He hadn't been with a woman since Blair, hadn't even wanted one after how that had ended, but now he was thinking he needed something easy. And Juliette Barnes struck him as nothing if not easy. He smiled to himself.

Just then, a blue vintage Chevrolet pickup pulled up in front of his truck. She smiled coquettishly and waved at him. He thought for just one moment about what he was getting into and then he got out of his truck and pulled out his guitar case. He locked up and then got in the passenger side.

She looked over at him. "Ready?"

He grinned. "Yeah, I guess."

Juliette headed out of the Soundcheck parking lot. Neither one of them saw Rayna get out of her SUV and watch as they disappeared. She felt her heart sink.

* * *

"Just so you know, I can't write any of that candy ass stuff you sing," Deacon said, his arm resting on the window ledge, looking over at her through his sunglasses, as they headed out from the city. It was a beautiful late spring day and he was actually looking forward to this.

Juliette rolled her eyes. "I don't wanna write any of that stuff either. I want to be taken seriously as an artist, so I'm looking to write something that means something."

"What makes you think I'm the guy to help you with that?"

"I have your very first album, Deacon. The one where you wrote and sang all those great soulful ballads. And that's the kind of stuff you wrote with Rayna. So I know you can do it." She glanced over at him. "What made you go to Austin?"

He shrugged. "Nothing, really. Just ended up there. It's a lot like Nashville, from a music perspective. So it turned out to be a good place for me."

"And what was the deal with the 'no Nashville' thing?"

"That was personal."

"Hm." She wondered if it had something to do with Rayna Jaymes. She guessed it probably did. "What finally brought you back?"

He smiled at her. "That's personal too."

She pouted at him. "You don't talk much about yourself, do you?"

He laughed. "No, I don't. I'll be glad to talk about my band though."

She gave him a coy smile. "I just want to talk about your band touring with me."

He shook his head. "Like I told you, I don't do that. I don't have to. And when the time comes I do, then I'll probably retire."

"But we could have fun out on the road."

"We probably could, but it won't be because I'm co-headlining with you."

She shrugged. "Alright. If you say so." She made a turn off the main road onto a side road. They drove a short distance past a lush, green wooded area edged with a white wood fence. They turned down a gravel drive, just past a 'No Trespassing' sign. Deacon frowned a little when he saw that. Then Juliette steered her pickup through a grassy lawn area bordering the river.

When she parked, Deacon looked over at her. "You know this is private property."

Juliette smiled. "Yeah." She paused. "It's mine." She opened the door and got out. "Tammy Wynette owned this land once. I'm gonna build a house here one day, have a place where I can come and be myself."

Deacon got out and pulled out his guitar case and another that Juliette pointed to. "Oh yeah?" he asked. "Who you trying to be the rest of the time?"

Juliette tilted her head to the side. "Whoever my manager says will sell the most records."

They walked around to the back of the truck and Juliette let the tailgate down and Deacon laid both guitar cases in the bed of the truck. He looked at her. "Nothing wrong with that," he said, with a smirk.

She shrugged. "Nothing wrong with wanting more than that either." She opened up her guitar case and looked at him.

Deacon's eyes widened as he slid off his sunglasses. He looked at her. "Are you kidding me?"

Juliette laughed. "1938 Martin Double O 42," she said proudly.

Deacon reached his hand towards it and then looked back at her. "Can I?"

"Yeah." She smiled.

He picked it up and ran his fingers over the guitar strings. "Oh my God." He played a few more chords. "Oh, that is beautiful. Even puts my Martin to shame." He looked at her with a smile. "Tammy Wynette's land, this guitar, I don't know who you're trying to impress, but if it's me, it's working."

She laughed. "Nah, it's for myself." She gave him a coy smile. "Don't be fooled by this shiny exterior, Deacon Claybourne. I'm more than meets the eye."

He gave her a long look. "Oh, I'm sure you are," he said. "So, you ready to get to it?" He sat on the tailgate, still gently stroking the Martin.

She grinned. "Yep, that's what I was thinking." She leaned in and kissed him, and he responded to the kiss.

After a moment, he pulled back. "This ain't how songs get written," he said, knowing that was not at all true.

She smiled. "No, this is what songs get written about." And she kissed him again. He set the guitar down and pulled her against him and kissed her back. Somewhere, deep in his subconscious, he knew this wasn't the same as kissing, and being kissed by, Rayna, but it had been a long time since he'd been kissed by someone who wanted to kiss him, and so he gave in to it.

"I think we gotta get to work here," he said finally, his lips still against hers.

She pulled back and gave him another coy smile. "Okay, let's write then." And she jumped up into the truck bed and they sat on the edge of the bed with their guitars and started writing.

* * *

Two hours later, they had something put together. Incomplete, but the bones were there. Deacon sang a verse that he'd written the night before, which Juliette had loved immediately. She'd insisted he use the Martin, which hadn't taken much convincing. He was still wondering how she got her hands on it before he did.

_Sometimes good intentions / Don't come across so well / Got me analyzing everything that ain't worth thinking 'bout / Just 'cause I ain't lived through / The same hand that was dealt to you / Doesn't make me any less or make any more of you_

She joined in on the next verse, which they'd worked on together.

_I wouldn't trade my best day / So you could validate / All your fears / And if I've only got one shot / Won't waste it on a shadow box / I'll stand right here_

She held up her hand and said, "Follow me here." She'd made a few minor changes on the fly.

_'Cause it's all talk talk talk / Talking in the wind / It only slows you down when you start listening  
And it's a whole lot harder to shine / Than undermine / Yeah, undermine_

_First mile is always harder / When you're leaving what you know / Won't blame you if you stay here waving to me as I go / I always wish the best for you / Hoped that you would see me through / My wildest dreams / Yeah, the ones you thought I'd never make  
_

_Sometimes good intentions / Don't come across so well_

She had an anxious look on her face as she ended it. Deacon looked at her. "You're really good at this," he said. She was, too. He'd been really surprised she had this kind of depth to her, since she came across as very shallow and superficial. He hadn't expected her to be able to play off what he'd brought, but she had. It needed another verse or two, but it was a very good start.

Juliette pouted a little. "It's not much of a compliment if you're that surprised."

He shook his head, smiling. "You're right. I'm sorry. But you gotta admit, with your track record, it is kind of a surprise."

She smiled. "I told you though, there's more to me than meets the eye. And I wasn't just talking about the kissing."

He laughed. "You could add a verse, maybe two to this, run the chorus again, and you'll have something really special, you know that?" He could have sworn she almost blushed.

"This is the kind of songwriting I want to do. I don't want to keep doing all that tweeny bopper crap." She rolled her eyes. "But that's what my manager tells me sells. And it does. But I've been doing it for too long now and I want to do more grown up stuff. My fans are growing up too and I think they deserve that."

Deacon nodded. "It's important to do what feels right. Not just what you think's gonna sell. I always say that songwriting is three chords and the truth. I try to follow that, no matter what I'm writing."

Juliette breathed in. "Even now? I mean, your band is super hot right now. Are you telling me you don't write for your audience?"

"Oh, I do. But luckily, our audience buys what we're selling. Like you said, I used to write different stuff, more like what we just did. Still do sometimes, just for me. But what I write for the band? That's me too. It's who I was after Nashville. A lot changed for me when I left here and I changed too. My music today reflects that."

Juliette eyed him closely. "So, did you leave Nashville because of Rayna?"

He shook his head with a short laugh. "I told you. It was personal."

"Did you come back because of her?"

He gave her a warning look. "Look, I came back for my own reasons. It had been long enough, I guess, and it was time. That's all I gotta say about it." He leaned towards her. "So end of discussion."

She smiled. "Alright, I'll back off. But you know, you and I could do a lot more writing together if you'd just come out on tour with me."

He threw his head back and laughed. "You don't give up, do you, girl?" He grinned at her. "We can sure do more songwriting, but I'm not touring with you. End of discussion on that too." He stood up and walked across the truck bed, gently laying the Martin back in the case. Then he jumped down off the tailgate onto the ground. "Now, I need to get back. Maybe we can do this again another day."

She jumped down as well and ran her hand over his chest. "Maybe we can do a lot more," she said, with that coquettish smile.

He shook his head, with a grin, and picked up both guitar cases. He opened the passenger door and stuck them behind the seats and got in. Juliette started up the truck and they headed back to Nashville.

* * *

Rayna nearly got back in her car and left after she watched Deacon ride off with Juliette. She knew she'd had no right to think there was a chance for them, not after she'd told him that she'd reneged on their agreement. She thought back to seeing him in her dressing room at the Opry. She knew she'd seen the old feelings in his eyes that night, but he was careful. That was new. In the past, he would never have been careful, he'd have been all in. If that had happened thirteen years ago, he'd have swept her up in his arms and kissed her until she'd lost all control. But a lot had happened, to both of them, in the past thirteen years and he was careful now.

She wondered how much of that had to do with his marriage. And how much had to do with the fact that she'd never contacted him again after he left Nashville. He was right, she'd known he was sober, she'd known where he was. It was impossible not to have known those things. And yet she'd stayed away. For Teddy's sake. She grimaced. _That sure hadn't been worth it._ She sighed. _No, that wasn't completely true. Teddy had been a good father and, for a lot of years, a good, stable provider._ And he'd given her Daphne.

She walked into Soundcheck, where Bucky was waiting for her. Watty was with him, which was a surprise. "Hey, y'all," she said, with a smile, hugging Bucky and then giving Watty a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "What are y'all both doing here?"

After they sat, Bucky leaned on the table across from her. "So, I heard from Marshall. About our tour plans."

Rayna rolled her eyes. This Marshall guy was getting on her nerves. Yes, he was the new label head at Edgehill Republic, but he didn't seem to know a damn thing about country music. "What now? We've already cut it down to small venues. What more does he want? For me to play at elementary schools around town?" Watty gave her a wry smile.

Bucky grimaced. "No. But it turns out he's still really set on combining your tour with Juliette Barnes'."

Rayna frowned. After what she'd just seen in the parking lot, she was even less interested in opening for Juliette Barnes. Not that she planned to open for anybody. "He can't be serious," she said. "I'm not opening for her. Period. I'll change labels first."

Bucky shook his head. "Actually, that's not what he has in mind. He actually _is_ thinking a true co-headline tour. Alternate opening between you and Juliette. But it's arenas. And great exposure."

"I don't want to tour with her, Buck." Rayna threw her hands up in the air. "I can't even pretend to like that music." She looked at Watty. "What do you think? Isn't this a crazy idea?"

Watty raised his eyebrows. "Actually, if I were you, I think I'd take the long view on this. She does have a large fan base that could benefit you. It's a chance for you to mix it up a little. I even have a producer that I'd like to introduce you to that I think could really energize your sound."

Rayna looked puzzled. "A new producer? But I've been working with Randy for ages."

"You know he's also been working with Juliette. I think that's where his interest lies, not with you. I can line you up with this other guy and I think it would be just the ticket. Plus you get to do it in front of a much bigger audience."

"So just who is this awesome producer that's gonna kick my sound up?"

Watty sat back and steepled his fingers. "Liam McGuinness."

Rayna scrunched up her face. "What? He's a rock producer, not a country producer."

"That's just it. He can look at your sound a new way. Think about it. That's what Deacon did and he and his band exploded."

She felt a little quiver run through her when he mentioned Deacon's name. "Deacon worked with Liam McGuinness?"

Watty chuckled and shook his head. "No. But he worked with a producer outside of the country genre. His band has always had a little bit of a rock 'n roll edge to it, with the extra guitars and the tempo of the music. I'm not saying you need to mimic Deacon's sound, but do what he did. Turn it upside down."

She sat back and thought about that. Watty was right about Deacon. When he'd tried to go solo in their early days, it hadn't worked. His music was similar to theirs, only with a little more country twang to it. Now that he'd changed his sound, he was one of the top acts in music, not just country music. She bit her lip. "I'd be interested in talking to him," she conceded.

"What about the tour?" Bucky asked.

She rolled her eyes. "Do I have a choice?"

He shook his head with a rueful smile. "Not really."

* * *

Rayna picked up Maddie and Daphne at school after her meeting with Bucky and Watty and spending some time retooling, yet again, her tour. When they got home, Daphne ran upstairs to her room, but Maddie hung around in the den. She had left her guitar there the night before and she picked it up and set it on her lap, working on some chords. Rayna stopped to listen to her and was impressed when she heard her play a fairly complicated chord, one she'd never been able to master. She walked around the kitchen island and sat on the couch across from her daughter.

"You really are getting to be very good, Maddie," she said, with a smile.

Maddie stopped and looked up, smiling back. "Thanks."

"That was a pretty complicated chord arrangement. Did your teacher show you that?"

Maddie shook her head. "Deacon did. When he was here the other day." She hugged her guitar. "He's a really good teacher."

Rayna thought about that. He'd tried to help her, back in their early days, and he'd been very patient. He finally had told her, very gently, that she wasn't very good and that she should stick with the piano. She'd been devastated, she recalled, but he'd been so sweet about it. She felt a lump in her throat and swallowed hard. "You're lucky to have him teaching you," she said, finally. "He's probably one of the best guitar players out there." She smiled, a little sadly. "I think you might have gotten your talent from him."

Maddie put the guitar down and folded her hands in her lap. "When did you meet him? Deacon, I mean?"

Rayna got kind of a dreamy look on her face. "I met him when I did my first open mic at the Bluebird. He was there and we were introduced afterwards by your Uncle Watty." She smiled. "You know I wasn't a very good guitar player and he thought Deacon would be a good one. And he was right."

"Did you start dating right then?"

Rayna made a face. "Kind of. We started to play together and, you know, it just sort of happened. I think I fell in love with him inside of five minutes."

Maddie smiled. "So you were together for a long time."

Rayna nodded. "Yeah, we were."

Maddie sighed. "He told me he was an alcoholic. And that's why you married Dad and why he didn't get to be my dad then."

Rayna was a little surprised he'd told her that much. She moved over to sit next to Maddie and took her daughter's hands in her own. "Well, kind of. Deacon had a lot of personal issues back then and it was a really hard time for both of us. Things just weren't simple then, it was complicated. We both loved you and only wanted the best for you."

Maddie frowned a little. "Did you make him leave?"

Rayna shook her head. "I never told him to do that. I think that was his choice."

"What about that agreement? Why didn't you tell me about him, like you promised?"

Rayna looked away and then turned back to her daughter, with sorrow in her eyes. "I didn't know where he was for a long time. Or if he was okay." She stopped and took a deep breath. "And then when I did know, you were a little older and you were happy. And I didn't want to hurt that. It's just hard sometimes, Maddie, to know what's the right thing to do in those situations. I always tried to protect you though."

Maddie sat for a long time, not saying anything. Then finally she looked at Rayna. "I still think you were wrong not to tell me or tell him. He wanted to know me and I should have gotten to choose too. But now he's here and I want to be able to spend time with him and get to know him. I want to be able to visit him in Austin when he goes back there. And I don't want you or Dad to keep me from doing that."

Rayna reached out and hugged her. "That's what I want too, sweet girl. That's why I asked him to come here. But I don't want you to be mad at me forever. We need each other."

Maddie sighed. "I wish you'd told me."

"I wish I had too. I regret that, Maddie. But I also know that you had a great life and your dad loves you very much and I can't feel bad about that." She smiled. "But you can see Deacon as much as the two of you want. I'll promise you that."

Maddie smiled. "Thanks, Mom."

* * *

When Deacon arrived at Rayna's on Thursday, Maddie was waiting at the front door for him. He had really not expected, after their first meeting, for her to warm up to him so quickly, but he was glad she had. She hurried him back to the music room and all he got to do was nod politely at Rayna as she ran out of the kitchen.

When they sat on the couch, Maddie looked excited. "I talked to Mom and she said I can come see you in Austin any time I want. As long as it's okay with you." She beamed.

He felt his heart swell again at her smile. It completely lit up her face. He grinned at her. "Well, that's great. But we've got a lot of time we can see each other here." She looked at him quizzically. "I'll be here for a few months. One of my bandmates got in a motorcycle accident, so it'll be three or four months before we start recording. So I can stay here and we can spend time together. If you want to, that is."

"I do! Will you still give me lessons?"

"Course I will." He unpacked his guitar and settled it on his lap. "Are you ready?"

She picked up her guitar. "I am. But I wanted to play something for you first, if that's okay."

He smiled at her. "Sure."

She smiled shyly. "It's one of your songs."

That surprised him. "Really?" He wasn't sure he thought any of his band's material was quite right for her, but he was open to it. When she started the chords, however, he realized she'd chosen something he'd done years ago, for the very first album he'd put out. The one that had bombed so badly.

_Sittin' here tonight / By the fire light / It reminds me I already have more than I should / I don't need fame / No one to know my name / At the end of the day / Lord I pray, I have a life that's good_

He hadn't heard this song in years. He swallowed hard. There was no way she could know that he'd written this song for Rayna the first time he'd laid eyes on her.

_Two arms around me / Heaven to ground me / And a family that always calls me home / Four wheels to get there / Enough love to share / And a sweet, sweet, sweet song / At the end of the day / Lord I pray / I have a life that's good_

He thought that not only was her guitar work flawless, but she had a sweet voice, soft and melodic. He was blown away by her talent.

_Sometimes I'm hard on me / When dreams don't come easy / I wanna look back and say / I did all that I could / Yeah at the end of the day / Lord I pray / I have a life that's good_

_Two arms around me / Heaven to ground me / And a family that always calls me home / Four wheels to get there / Enough love to share / And a sweet, sweet, sweet song / At the end of the day / Lord I pray / I have a life that's good_

When she was done, she looked up at him, waiting for his reaction. He shook his head, smiling. "Maddie, that was awesome," he said, and was rewarded with a huge grin. "Where did you find that though?"

She waved her hand around the room. "In here. Mom had it. The vinyl album. So I had to get it into digital so I could work on it." She smiled again. "That album was so good. I can't believe it didn't really sell. Mom said you worked so hard on it."

He raised his eyebrows. "You talked to her about it?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I found it and asked her and she told me that you did that when she put out 'Cowboys and Angels'. I think it's so amazing." She smiled playfully. "It's a lot different from the stuff you do now. Which is good, but it's so loud!" She laughed.

He smiled. "Well, it's different writing for a band. Plus I was ready to do something really different."

She looked at him carefully. "Did you write this song for Mom?"

"Did she tell you that?" Maddie shook her head. He took a deep breath. "Yeah, I did write it for her. Most of the stuff I wrote then was about her, for her. And you know we wrote a lot together and it was always personal. Which would be what I would tell you, when you're ready to write. Write about what you know. Write about what you feel. Those are always the best songs." He breathed in, then lightly patted his guitar. "So, you ready for a lesson?"

"Yes!" she said, with a big smile.

* * *

As Maddie walked Deacon out after their lesson, Rayna appeared in the foyer. Deacon glanced at her, then looked back at Maddie. "I'm gonna talk to your mama for a minute," he said. "I had a good time today. Just let me know when you want to do this again."

Maddie smiled. "I will. Thanks, Deacon." And then she headed for her room.

Deacon watched her until she disappeared, then looked back at Rayna. "She's amazing," he said. "You were right that she's good. Watty told me the same thing."

Rayna smiled. "She's already talking about wanting to perform. I just want her to finish school first. I want her to have more options. You know, just in case. This business can be so tough…." She looked away, then back. "I know, I'm not telling you anything you don't know. But I want to protect her from the things we went through." She turned towards the kitchen and den and waved him in. "Let's go in here and sit down," she said. Deacon followed her.

When they got to the den, Rayna sat on the couch and Deacon sat on a chair. "Can we set up a schedule?" he asked.

She nodded. "I'll need to talk to Teddy, but yeah, we can do that." She ran her tongue over her lip. "I wanted to warn you…."

He raised his eyebrows. "About the song. Yeah, I was a little surprised by that. But it was fine."

She gave him a small smile. "She really has been excited about all this. Since your last visit. I thought it might take her longer to get comfortable with it, but I think, at least as far as you're concerned, she's enjoying this time. She was kind of angry with you too, in the beginning, but I think she understands that none of this is on you."

He shook his head. "That's not completely true."

She interrupted him. "It is." She looked down at her lap. "You didn't do anything wrong, Deacon. Teddy and I did. I'm just glad she's excited about getting to know you." She looked up and smiled. "She's downloaded most all your music, did you know that?" He shook his head. "Yeah. I looked at her iPod and she downloaded almost all your band's music. Maybe all of it, I can't tell for sure. And she took that album and got it in a format where she could download that. I think she's very proud to be your daughter."

That all took him by surprise, but it gave him a warm feeling all over. He smiled. "I'm really glad to hear that." He worked his lip a moment. "Thanks for letting me spend time with her. And for asking me to come back here."

"Do you know how long you'll be staying?"

"We were supposed to go back in the studio in a couple months, but one of my guitar players was in a bike accident, so it's pushed back another couple months. I might even look at having them come here and doing some recording here, so I can stay longer. Now that I'm back, turns out there's a lot of reasons to stay."

Rayna breathed in. She wondered if one of those reasons was Juliette. But then there was the tour, so Juliette would be gone. "So, my tour plans have changed," she said.

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"Yeah, turns out they were serious about me touring with Juliette Barnes. Co-headline, though, with us alternating who opens."

Deacon looked surprised, then he smiled and chuckled. "I'm guessing no one's told Juliette about that yet. She's still trying to talk me into touring with her."

Rayna wanted badly to ask Deacon about her, to say something about having seen them together, but she decided not to. There was a time when she wouldn't have hesitated to call him out on it, wouldn't have cared about his reaction. But that was thirteen years ago. A lot had changed. _He_ had changed. And she had no right. She'd messed things up with Deacon, maybe forever. "We start in a month. Maybe they're going to wait to tell her until we're at the first stop." She grinned.

Deacon shook his head, smiling. "Might not be a bad idea." He stood up. "I gotta get going, but I'm gonna be doing a spotlight at the Bluebird next Thursday. Do you think Maddie could come?"

Rayna shrugged. "They're with Teddy next week, so I don't know. I'm thinking probably not. But I'll ask. I know she'd love to go, but maybe don't say anything to her until I find out if Teddy will take her."

Deacon nodded. "Just let me know." Rayna walked him to the front door. He opened the door, then turned back to her. "Thanks again."

She smiled sadly. "Of course. And I'll work out a schedule with Teddy so she can do the guitar lessons."

He smiled. "Great." And then he turned and walked out the door.

* * *

Deacon arrived at the Bluebird before the open mic was over and leaned against the bar. The young man on stage was pretty decent. Deacon thought he needed to have something a little more up-tempo, but his look seemed right and he had a good voice. He hadn't been to an open mic in years. He didn't get to do that much anymore, with his touring schedule. Besides, it was hard going out to clubs these days. He felt like more of a distraction than anything. He thought back to his own days doing open mics, at first by himself and later with Rayna. And eventually graduating to regular songwriter nights. Being able to do the Bluebird was always special, and it was a safe place for all.

He had hoped Maddie would be able to come, but Teddy had refused to bring her, with it being a school night. He tried not to be annoyed, but he'd really hoped to be able to share this with her.

"Hey, Deacon," came Scarlett's perky voice from behind him.

He turned and smiled at his niece. "Hey there, Scarlett. I just thought I'd get here a little early."

She smiled. "There's already a line halfway down the sidewalk."

"Seriously?"

She made a face. "Even you know that you are Deacon Claybourne, right? Not a surprise people are interested."

He smirked. "It's just me though. Not my band. I might not be all that."

Scarlett laughed her tinkly little laugh. "Oh, I think you are. And I think you know that too." Then she scurried off.

He leaned on the bar and rubbed his face. He didn't really like to dwell on his success, although he certainly appreciated it. When Rayna was coming up, they'd talked a lot about what it would be like to headline a tour, to sell out an arena or stadium. Rayna had been very focused on being a success. He'd sometimes felt like he should have wanted it more, for himself, back then, but he had been happy being her bandleader. But now he was the bigger draw. He could fill an arena three or four-fold these days. He could sell out a stadium tour. There weren't many other artists these days that could do that consistently. Turned out it wasn't always all it was cracked up to be.

When the open mic wound down, he headed for the stage and started setting up. He'd called a couple buddies in town to come in and give him a little instrumental support, but he'd intended this to be a pretty bare bones set. Just Deacon Claybourne and his guitar. Even though he was fronting his own band, he still commanded the lead guitar position and he was known as one of the elite in all of music. He was busy tuning his guitar and looking at his set list when she walked up.

"Hey there." He looked up to see Juliette Barnes standing in front of him. She had on what she probably thought of as a disguise. Old jeans, a checked shirt and denim jacket. A pair of beat up cowboy boots and a fedora. He guessed that some people might not be sure it was her, since she wasn't wearing her sparkly thigh high dress and teetering on high heels, but it wasn't his problem.

He smiled at her. "Did you pay them to let you in?"

She flashed her most coquettish smile. "Oh, they know who I am. They let me in when I told them that I was an old friend of yours."

He shook his head, with a wry smile. "I don't know you _that_ well, Juliette. I should tell them that."

"Ah, but you won't do that. You and me, we should talk some more about writing together." She handed him a CD envelope. "I finished the song."

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, yeah?"

She scrunched her nose and nodded. "Yeah. It's just a little demo I made at my house, so don't let anybody else hear it. I added another verse and repeated the chorus. If you like it, I'd like to record it."

He smiled. "Okay, I'll take a listen." He slid the envelope into his messenger bag.

She smiled. "You listen to it and tell me what you think."

"What do _you_ think?"

"I think…something about you makes me wanna grow up." She gave him a knowing smile and then walked over to sit at the bar, his eyes trailing her.

* * *

After the show was over, he patiently visited with everyone who wanted to talk to him. He signed CD's and he had his picture taken with everyone who asked. He'd forgotten what this was like, performing in these small spaces and getting to connect with fans. He'd tried out several new songs he'd written, some things that wouldn't be appropriate for the band. That was the only thing he really missed these days. He had to be mindful that what he wrote was appropriate for a band and multiple harmonizers. Some of the songs he'd done tonight were ballads, quiet songs that wouldn't fit the up-tempo _Deacon Claybourne Band_.

Scarlett brought him a bottle of water. "Thanks, sweetheart," he said.

"That was awesome, Deacon. You should really think about doing this kind of thing more often."

He smiled at her. "It was nice doing it, that's for sure. I'd almost forgotten how special playing the Bluebird is."

She looked at him. "You have one fan left. And I use the term 'fan' loosely." She gave a slight head nod towards the bar. He looked over and saw Juliette. She wiggled the fingers of one hand at him, a seductive smile on her face. "I don't think she's gonna leave."

He shrugged and grinned. "I can handle her," he said. He put his guitar in the case and snapped it shut. "I'll see you later." As he headed for the door, Juliette followed him out. He put his case in the back seat of the truck, then turned back. She was standing at the driver's side door.

"So, I was wondering," she said, a pert smile on her face. "Why won't you co-headline with me? I'd rather go out with you than Rayna Jaymes."

He laughed and shook his head. "Juliette, I told you, I don't have to co-headline. So I don't. If I ever get to the point where I have to, I'll quit and go back to playing clubs."

She tilted her head to the side and smiled coyly. "But we could have so much fun on the road. We could write songs together."

He rested his elbow on the side of the truck. "We don't have to co-headline to do that."

"That's true." She reached out and put her hand on his arm. "So why don't we…collaborate?"

He shrugged. "Who knows? Could be fun."

She grinned. "Now you're talking." And she turned towards her sports car. She got in and started it up, then headed for Hillsboro Pike.

Deacon shook his head and grinned. Then he quickly got in his truck, backed out and followed her.

* * *

The minute they walked in the back door, Deacon had his hands on her and his mouth covered hers. She started to unbuckle his belt and work on his zipper. She was very petite and he picked her up and deposited her on the counter in the kitchen, while she wrapped her arms around his neck. He kept up his assault on her mouth while he worked the buttons of her shirt and started on her jeans. He broke free momentarily as he jerked her jeans off and then put his index fingers in the sides of her panties and pulled them off as well. He pushed his jeans down and then roughly entered her.

This was just sex, and he knew it. He was pretty sure she knew it too. She wrapped her legs around his waist and he grabbed her ass, moving in and out of her without mercy. She threw her head back and shouted out his name, as he pushed into her one final, hard time, shouting incoherently.

She wrapped her legs more tightly around his waist and smiled at him. "That was a good start," she said. She gestured towards a doorway. "Let's go that way."

He smirked at her and lifted her off the counter, setting her down on the floor. He zipped up his jeans and followed her down the hallway to her bedroom. He stood over her, looking down as she arranged herself against the pillows and smiled up at him. She raised her arms up and he knelt down on the bed.

* * *

The next morning when he rolled over, she was looking at him, propped up on her elbow and smiling a little Cheshire cat grin. He raised his eyebrows. "What?" he said.

She reached out and ran her fingers over his bare chest. "Just admiring the view," she said, languidly.

He laughed. "I need to get going," he said.

She screwed up her face. "Why? We haven't done any of that collaborating yet."

"I think we collaborated all night long." He rolled onto his side facing her. "But we could do that one more time." And he rolled her onto her back and got on top of her.

* * *

"I think you should go out on tour with me," she said from the bed, as he was putting his clothes on.

He turned to look at her. "I ain't doing that," he said.

She smiled. "Oh, I get it, you don't co-headline, Mr. Big Shot Deacon Claybourne. I mean, just come out with me. We could have some fun, write some songs. You know."

He looked at her skeptically. "I don't know about that." He wasn't sure it would be a good idea, considering she would be touring with Rayna.

"Ah, come on. It'll be fun." She grinned at him, as he buttoned up his shirt, and stretched languidly.

He watched her appreciatively, smiling to himself. He knew this wouldn't last long. No different from any of the others. _Well, except Blair._ He frowned. But why not have a little fun while he was in town. She was certainly adventurous, even if she was really just a girl. Deep down inside, he knew this was probably not his best idea, but he was just going to let it play out. It wasn't like there was anyone else in his life. Rayna's face popped up in his head and he scowled, shaking it away. Rayna Jaymes didn't make his decisions anymore.

**_The two songs are "Undermine" and "A Life That's Good", as I'm sure you recognized._**


	8. Chapter 8

Deacon pulled into the parking lot at John Tune airport. His manager had arranged a private plane for him to fly to San Diego. As he waited in the lobby with his overnight bag, his guitar, and his messenger bag, he thought about the scowl on Scarlett's face that morning before he left.

"You're a damn fool, Deacon Claybourne," she said.

He scowled back at her. "Last I checked, you don't run my life," he responded.

"I don't know why you want to go running after that snobby piece of trash." Scarlett stood with her fists on her hips.

He breathed out slowly and leaned towards her. "It's none of your damn business."

She'd turned her nose up and walked away. He'd stormed out of the house and headed for his truck. And now here he was, still a little pissed off.

A young man dressed in a pilot's uniform came through the door. "Mr. Claybourne?" he asked. Deacon nodded. "We're ready to go, sir." He turned and walked back out the door to the tarmac and Deacon got up and followed.

When he was buckled into his seat, the plane turned for the taxiway and started towards the runway. Scarlett's words echoed in his head. He wasn't exactly sure why he was doing this either. But he'd told Juliette he'd come out for the start of the tour. She was introducing the song they'd written, 'Undermine', and another one he'd helped her with, and she wanted him to hear them. It had been a fun few weeks, but he was starting to get tired of the meanness she displayed towards others. She was nothing but sweet to him, and she sure was still a hellion in the bedroom, but she was not a nice person, that was true. He felt a little sorry for Rayna, having to tour with her.

This thing, with Juliette, was just a thing. It sure wasn't love. Or anything close to it. It was fun, it was a diversion, that he knew for sure. It would run its course, sooner rather than later. More than once, he'd found himself saying to her "I don't know how this keeps happening" and she'd just laugh, that throaty little laugh that seemed to say "me either".

Juliette had invited him to fly out with her, but he'd declined, since he already knew from Rayna that she and Bucky were flying out on Juliette's plane. He'd sort of been waiting for Rayna to dress him down for his dalliance with Juliette, but she had been surprisingly mum on the subject. She hadn't even asked him about it after the little run in at Soundcheck.

He rubbed his face and then turned to look out the window as the plane taxied to the end of the runway and then started rolling down for takeoff.

* * *

He woke up about midway into the flight. He sat up and got his notebook out of his messenger bag. He'd been working on some songs over the last few weeks and he'd started to put together a tentative track list for the next album. But he'd had something rolling around in his head for a couple weeks, jotting words and phrases down as they came to him. He'd finally come up with a first verse, so he started a new sheet of paper and wrote.

_I never thought you'd pick up the phone / It's Friday night you should be out on the town / Didn't think you'd be / Sitting at home all alone like me_

_Nothing on TV, nothing to do / Nothing to keep my mind off you and me / And the way it was / Are you thinking 'bout it now because..._

_...I could be there in five? / One more, one last time_

He could hear the melody in his head, but the rest of the words were mostly a jumble. He had one phrase that he'd come up with, but couldn't find the words to go around it.

_I don't wanna be right, I don't wanna be strong / I just wanna hold you 'til the heartbreak's gone_

He tried to visualize how it would sound and how it would look on the stage. When he was stuck, that usually helped him break the logjam. He leaned back in the seat and closed his eyes. For the longest time, nothing would come to him. All he saw was an empty stage with two chairs and a microphone. But nothing. And then it seemed the atmosphere got dark, then there were small twinkling lights. He heard the scrape of chairs against wood and quiet whispers here and there. He saw himself sitting on one of the chairs with his guitar, singing the first words to the song. And then he turned towards the other chair…and there was Rayna.

He sat up abruptly, knocking the notebook on the floor. He leaned over to pick it up and sat back, breathing out. Nothing had really turned out like he'd thought it would, at least where she was concerned. When he'd seen her that night at the Opry, he thought that spark had still been in her eyes. The way she hugged him. But then there had been all the stuff about Maddie. His relationship with his daughter was improving, but things with Rayna seemed off.

When he'd been driving to Nashville, he had wondered what it would be like to see her again. He had never thought he'd love anyone else the way he'd loved her. And for a long time, there was no other woman that compared to her. But then there had been Blair. And for a little while, Blair had made him forget all about Rayna Jaymes. Blair was smart and fun-loving and adventurous. He'd been fascinated with her, captivated really. For someone as young as she was, she was level-headed and had not been intimidated by him or his fame. When things had unraveled, though, he'd felt like he'd been run over by a bus.

The truth of the matter was that thirteen years apart had strained and snapped some of the threads that had bound him and Rayna together all those years ago. The mess that had happened when Rayna got pregnant with Maddie and pushed him so firmly away from her had started them down a slippery slope. Every time he would see her, his heart would feel ripped to shreds. Pictures of her with Teddy, glowing with her pregnancy, had kicked him in the gut. It had been torture.

As much as he'd loved her, he'd also hated her for what she'd done to them. It had taken him a long time to put his life back together, to get over the pain and hurt of that time. When he was in rehab, he'd spent many hours talking about his relationship with her and, when he'd finally realized that she was the one who always caught him when he fell and allowed him to keep going down that same dark path, he'd come to a realization that she might not be good for him. It had been hard to let that go, though. He still would dream about her although, as the years went on, that happened less and less. And then there was Blair, who seemed to wipe Rayna off his radar for a while.

Being in Rayna's orbit again had been confusing. He'd felt a lot of the same desire for her, but at the same time, so much had changed. Both their lives were very different. He'd been able to have control over his life for the first time and it had changed him in ways he wasn't sure he could describe. Other than to know that what he'd had with Rayna before had not been healthy, mainly because of his addiction, and he wasn't sure it couldn't happen again.

He hadn't been able to figure out what it was between the two of them now. She didn't act like the Rayna he remembered. He wondered if maybe he was wrong, that after thirteen years, she'd been able to break the chain. That the spark he thought he'd seen was just gratefulness. It was unsettling, even while he wasn't even sure anymore what he was feeling. Thirteen years was a very long time. And he had no idea what she'd lived through during that time.

He hadn't told her he was flying out to meet Juliette. He'd told her something vague about 'other commitments' and now it was leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He didn't have to tell her everything he was doing, but she wasn't expecting this. She'd be surprised to see him. Maybe even mad. Probably mad. He just couldn't figure her out these days. They hadn't seen each other in thirteen years, hadn't talked, nothing. It had been like a huge black hole and now they didn't even know each other anymore.

Maybe it was better that they be apart. Maybe it was better that they just be Maddie's parents. But then when he really thought about it, he realized he was afraid. Afraid that if they tried to rekindle what they'd once had, that they'd end up burning themselves up like a bonfire. He had no idea what they were anymore. Except that nothing had felt exactly right since he'd been back.

* * *

Rayna had to admit that flying on a private jet was preferable even to first class on a commercial plane. Even when that meant having to put up with Juliette Barnes. Marshall had been the one to suggest that Juliette bring Rayna with her and Rayna was sure Juliette hadn't liked that one bit. She smiled to herself as she flipped through the _InStyle_ magazine she was perusing. She lifted her eyes slightly and looked around the cabin. Bucky was already dozing. Liam McGuinness, who'd come along for the first week of the tour, was annoying Juliette. That amused her and made her doubly glad she'd brought him along. Juliette's entourage looked uncomfortable and a little cowed.

She wondered sometimes why Juliette's manager and assistant stayed with her. She was one of the rudest people she thought she'd ever met and she treated them like dirt underneath her feet. She still got a headache thinking about this tour. _Red Lips, White Lies._ What the hell did that even mean? There were times she wasn't sure it was worth it, but then she preferred to perform in front of a larger crowd, so she was sucking it up. Nine months was a long time, although there were ample breaks every month, so she could go home and be with her girls.

She looked over at Liam, as he was once again needling Juliette. He looked amused and she looked all twisted up, her mouth an angry line. Rayna smiled again. _This is so worth it._ She looked back at Liam, all rakish handsomeness and boyish charm. It had not started well with them, but eventually, on a night when she'd finally let the walls come down a little, with the help of multiple shots of whiskey, he'd come around and it had been, in his words, magic.

_Bucky had driven over with her to Liam's studio in a sketchy part of Germantown. Watty had told her Liam had agreed to see her, but he'd counseled her not to be put off by him, that Liam would probably try to turn her away. "Don't let him get to you, my little songbird," Watty had counseled. "Show him how tough you are."_

"_Is this really his studio?" Bucky asked as they got out of the car and walked across the street. "I'm surprised we didn't get carjacked driving over here."_

"_You sound disappointed," Rayna said, with a smirk. She stepped up onto the sidewalk and stood in front of the large wood doors and knocked. She turned back to Bucky after a moment. "We have an appointment, right?"_

"_Yeah," Bucky said, looking at his watch._

_Rayna flattened her hand and banged on the door, just as it opened. She looked up at the shaggy headed man that opened the door. "Hey," she said with a bright smile. "I'm Rayna Jaymes."_

_He almost sneered at her and nodded. "Yeah, I know who you are," he said._

"_Well, great. Uh, this is Bucky, y'all just spoke a little while ago, and we're excited to talk to you about possibly producing my new album. I'm doing all the writing on it and I can't wait for you to hear some of the new stuff." She put on her most upbeat face for him._

_He looked annoyed. "I don't think I really need to hear the new stuff. I took this consultation as a courtesy to Watty White, but I don't think we do the same thing with our music. You're moms and SUV's. That's a language I just don't speak."_

_She was a little pissed. "Excuse me?"_

"_There won't be a charge." And then he closed the door._

_Rayna turned to look at Bucky with an incredulous look on her face. "Moms. And SUV's. What the hell?"_

_They left, but Rayna came back, alone, the next day. She marched up to his studio and banged on the door. When he opened it, she smiled. "Hey, it's me again."_

_Liam looked a little puzzled to see her. "Always good to see you, Ms. Jaymes. Not sure what more we got to talk about."_

"_Oh. Well, see, that's the thing that kind of glitches me a little bit, 'cause I feel like we didn't even get a chance to talk yesterday, 'cause you kind of shut the door in my face." She smiled pleasantly._

_He shrugged. "So talk."_

_He didn't invite her in, so she started talking. "Well, I feel like you kinda made a snap judgment about me and my music, quite frankly, and respectfully of course, and that was a load of crap. You know, I think you mighta heard a couple of my hits, maybe 'Already Gone', maybe 'American Beauty', you think you know who I am." At this point, Liam had walked out of the door and out onto the sidewalk. "That would sort of be like me judging you, without hearing that live show you did two years ago in Belfast, for example."_

"_You heard that?"_

"_I did hear that. In fact, I heard it right there in that SUV" – she pointed at her car – "which, by the way, has an excellent sound system, driving my daughters to school. They liked it too." She reached into her purse and pulled out a CD case and handed it to him. "So, do me a favor, listen to that. Okay?" He took it from her. "Then make a decision. 'Preciate that." She turned to go._

"_Come on in," Liam said. "Let's just talk for real."_

"_Alright," she said, with a satisfied look on her face, and she walked in ahead of him._

* * *

It had started with a couple whiskey shots and ended with a seriously late night and a morning hangover. When she went back the next day, Liam shared a video of her singing 'Buried Under'. From that moment until now, he'd worked with her to bring out something she hadn't realized had been buried so far down. As he'd said to her that day, "It's magical. It's something you can't teach." He'd reenergized her. The fact that he was seriously sexy hadn't hurt either.

That part had been an interesting dynamic. She knew she was actually very inexperienced in the ways of men and she hadn't been sure how to react to his overt flirtiness. She had worried when she'd gone to see Liam the day after that first long night session, when he'd told her it was magical, because a lot of what happened was foggy. She'd been relieved that the magic had been in the music and not between the two of them, but she had been cautious in how she reacted to him. But it seemed harmless and she'd finally started to relax. He wasn't the one she wanted.

Then she thought about Deacon. He'd been back in Nashville for almost two months now. He and Maddie had bonded more quickly than she thought would happen, given Maddie's anger after finding the agreement. But she was glad they'd had the opportunity to get to know each other. Deacon's suggestion of guitar lessons had been a great idea and had really helped bridge that chasm. The last time she'd seen Deacon was the day before, when he'd been at the house with Maddie. They'd fallen into a comfortable rhythm of talking before he left, mostly about Maddie, but sometimes about other topics. Mostly safe stuff – her tour, his upcoming album, nothing very personal.

She had told him she'd worked things out with Teddy, so that he and Maddie could see each other while she was gone. Teddy had fought that, but she had prevailed. Deacon had told her that he would be out of pocket for a couple weeks, working on some new music, but then he'd resume Maddie's lessons. She wondered about that, but then shrugged it off. He had his own career and he couldn't put that completely on hold.

She knew he was still hanging around Juliette. She never saw him with her, but she'd heard the chatter. She still didn't understand that. Juliette was so shallow and superficial and Deacon was, well, he was certainly not that. Even back in the days when he was drunk more often than he wasn't, there was a depth to him that she couldn't believe wasn't still there. Of course, she hadn't been around him in thirteen years, and clearly a lot had changed. She guessed if he could marry that bubble-headed cheerleader, he certainly could be into someone as vapid as Juliette Barnes.

She rolled her eyes. She tried imagining the two of them together and then cringed, feeling like she'd just thrown up in her mouth a little. That was a horrible image. But she didn't know Deacon anymore. She thought, when she'd seen him at the Opry that first night, that the old feelings were still there. She was sure she'd seen that in his eyes, but as time had gone on, she thought she must have been wrong. Nothing had gone the way she'd thought it would.

* * *

**San Diego**

Bucky was the one that told her Deacon was in San Diego. "He's with Juliette," he said apologetically.

She shook her head with irritation. "I can't believe him." She looked at Bucky, her eyes flashing. "He told me he was going to be 'out of pocket', 'working on some songs'. That's why he couldn't spend time with Maddie. And what it really was, was coming out on tour with Juliette Barnes. And he _knew_ he'd see me, so why would he lie to me?"

Bucky shrugged. "To be fair, Rayna, he _is_ working on songs. With Juliette, according to Glenn. He's been writing with her and she's debuting the songs tomorrow night."

Rayna just rolled her eyes and looked away. What she really wanted to do was cry.

* * *

When she saw him later, in craft services, she'd stormed up to him. "I can't believe you didn't tell me you were coming out here," she hissed at him, her eyes burning with anger.

He turned to look at her, his eyebrows raised. "I don't owe you any explanations for how I spend my time," he said.

She shook her head, with a sarcastic smile. "You told me you couldn't spend time with our daughter for two weeks, because you were working on songs. You knew I'd see you here. Why not just tell me that?"

He realized, right then, that he didn't really have a good answer to that, but he wasn't going to tell her that. "I didn't have to tell you what I was doing, Rayna. You don't own me. Anymore."

She looked like he had slapped her. Then she narrowed her eyes. "I never thought I owned you, Deacon. And I guess you're right. You didn't owe me an explanation. But I would rather not have been blindsided by this." And then she turned and walked off.

He watched her and suddenly felt a pit in the bottom of his stomach. He had no idea why he'd said that to her. And he really wasn't sure why he hadn't just told her in the first place. No, that wasn't true. He hadn't told her because he wasn't at all sure why he kept letting this happen. He wasn't at all sure why he was doing this at all.

Just then, Juliette walked up, with her little coy smile. She ran her hand across his chest. "Hey, baby," she cooed. "I'm done with my walkthrough. Let's go back to the hotel." She gave him one final look and walked off towards the exit. Hating himself a little bit, he hesitated only a moment and then followed.

* * *

Rayna was sitting in the nosebleed section at the San Diego arena. She and Deacon had started doing this when she'd first started touring as an opening act on arena tours. They didn't want to forget what it was like to sit so far away and they would always remind themselves to sing out to the people in the balconies, who'd paid good money for the ticket, but would never be as close to the music as the people on the floor. It became their ritual and, even after Deacon was gone, she kept doing it. So she was surprised to hear footsteps.

When she looked up, her heart skipped a beat. Deacon stood there, a look of surprise on his face. She tried not to react. "Hey," she said, with a tight smile.

He just inclined his head and sat, several seats over from her. She took a deep breath and then forced herself to turn back and look towards the stage. Her heart was beating hard and she had to swallow to get the lump out of her throat.

"You still do this," he said, a statement more than a question.

"I do."

He was quiet for a long moment. "I do too," he said finally.

She looked over at him. She didn't really understand why he was hooking up with Juliette. It was uncomfortable as hell having him here. She wondered if this was what he was into these days, younger women. After all, his ex-wife had been very young, as she recalled. It particularly annoyed her, though, that it was Juliette and that he was traveling with her. He should have stayed in Nashville. Or just gone back to Austin.

She finally decided to just ask. "Why are you here, Deacon? Not up here, but on this tour?"

He took a breath and let it out. He frowned. He knew that wasn't really what she was asking. He knew she wanted to know if this was something that meant something to him. "It's nothing but a thing, Rayna," he said finally, focusing on the stage below. "It's not like she's my one true love." He looked at her, that deep furrow between his eyebrows. Then after a very awkward silence, with what felt like years of things left unsaid, he stood up and walked off.

Rayna watched him and then, when he disappeared, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes, willing herself not to cry. She'd screwed this up and now he was screwing Juliette Barnes. This couldn't be any more of a nightmare.

* * *

Deacon walked quickly out to the arena mezzanine and stood for a moment with his eyes closed and his hands on his hips, just breathing in. His heart was racing as he tried to calm down.

He hadn't really expected to find her there. Or had he been hoping she would be? He wasn't sure. It had been his idea originally, after all. He remembered the first time they were playing an arena. Rayna was opening on George Strait's tour. She was the opener for the opener, so first on the bill, but they didn't care. It meant she was on the map.

They'd gone out for sound check and, at some point, he'd looked out towards all the seats, looking all the way up to the top of the arena where the seats seemed a thousand miles away. And he remembered going to the only concert he'd ever attended, a Merle Haggard show in Jackson, Mississippi, and sitting so far away from the stage that he couldn't really see Merle clearly. But it hadn't mattered, because the music had carried all the way to the top of the arena, and had been amazing.

When they were done, he'd taken Rayna's hand. "Come with me," he'd said and she had smiled, following after him happily. As they'd headed for the balcony, she'd looked puzzled.

"Where are we going?" she'd asked.

"Just hold on," he'd said, stopping to kiss her. She giggled and they kept going. When they got to the upper level seats, they made their way down the steps and cut into one of the rows until they were in the center seats. They sat there, looking down at the stage, holding hands.

"What are we doing?" she'd whispered.

He looked at her. "You probably never sat in these seats. But I did. And I think we need to remember that these people pay good money even though they aren't that close to the music. We need to play out to them."

She had looked back at him and smiled. "You're right. Thank you for reminding me." Then she leaned over and kissed him. They made out for a while and then finally left. They never talked about it becoming a ritual, it just had. And they usually made out, but a time or two they'd taken it further and once they'd been caught. He smiled a little to himself, thinking about how they'd raced out, red-faced and laughing.

He headed for an exit, still surprised she still did this. It had been _their_ thing, but apparently it was still hers too. He wasn't sure what to make of it.

* * *

Deacon was waiting on the side stage for Juliette's set to end. She was opening the first show on the tour, which had not pleased her, but when she was on stage, you couldn't tell. In the middle of her set, she'd done 'Undermine' and 'Consider Me' to appreciative applause. He'd thought she sounded great. When she came off the stage, he followed her to her dressing room.

She closed the door on Glenn and locked it. Deacon sat on the couch and she walked over and straddled him. "What's it gonna take for you to at least come out and play guitar for me during 'Undermine' and 'Consider Me'?" she asked as she rubbed herself against him.

He smirked. "You got a perfectly fine guitar player out there, Juliette," he said.

She moved her hips some more and smiled coyly. "It would be so much better with you," she purred. She leaned down and kissed him.

He pulled back and chuckled. "It ain't happening," he said.

She reached down and unzipped his jeans, then guided him inside her. "Doesn't this make you want to help me out?" she breathed.

He shifted slightly and grabbed her hips. "This is nice," he groaned, "but no." She leaned down and covered his mouth with hers, rotating her hips until they both came.

Then she pushed herself up and off of him, standing and rearranging her dress. "You're such a tease," she said and, as she headed for the door, Deacon quickly stood and zipped his jeans. She opened the door a split second later. "Come on in, Glenn," she said, a fake smiled plastered on her face.

Deacon caught his breath and turned away. _How in the hell did I let this happen again?_

* * *

**Los Angeles**

Rayna was out on the stage for sound check. Opening night in San Diego had been unbelievably good. She had not wanted to do this tour, had gone into it with less than a positive attitude. She'd been kind of pissed off at herself for not having the ability to rise above her disdain for Miss Sparkly Pants and be the true professional she knew she was. But her pride had taken a serious hit when her album had tanked and her tour had been rejiggered. It had felt like she was back to the beginning, when she was starting out and had trouble getting traction anywhere.

She thought about all the nights she and Deacon had played to nearly empty clubs, the demos she'd tried to peddle anywhere she could, only to hear 'no, thanks'. It had taken a lot longer than she'd thought it would to finally get that first bit of interest. Watty had been in her corner from the beginning, but even having that entrée hadn't made it easy. But once she got that first bit of interest from Edgehill Republic, things finally started to look up. She finally had the career she'd dreamed of and before long she'd been headlining at those same arenas where she'd opened for the opener.

When had that changed exactly? When had radio stations stopped playing her music as often? When was the last time she'd had a number one? She remembered when she had been called 'the future of country music'. It hadn't seemed like that long ago, but maybe it was longer ago than she'd thought. But collaborating with Liam McGuinness had energized her. They'd started work on her album and she couldn't remember the last time she'd been that excited.

Her bandleader counted down the beat and then they launched into 'Buried Under'.

_I wish that I didn't have to see / A confidante as an enemy / Common lies and the lines you cross / Helplessly I can only watch / Dodging words as they ricochet / Honesty that'll never pay / Your convictions I believe / Like an apparition haunting me…._

* * *

Liam was waiting as Rayna walked down the steps from the stage. He clapped slowly, a lazy smile on his face. "Well, Ms. Jaymes, that was quite good. Almost as good as when you'd had three shots of whiskey. Or was it four?" he said, with a wink.

She grinned at him. "Well, thank you." She walked over and hugged him. "Are you sure I can't talk you into getting up on stage with me?"

He shook his head. "I'm just here as your producer. I can't ruin my reputation by playing behind the Queen of Country." He tipped her chin up with his finger. "Besides, I don't have the right honky-tonk kinda gear."

She linked her arm through his as they walked back towards her dressing room. "I'm going to convert you yet," she said.

Deacon watched them from the shadows and scowled. Watching the two of them flirt with each other over the last couple days had not set well with him. This whole thing was starting to get under his skin. He'd forgotten how flirty Rayna could be. Back when they were together, it was the thing that could frequently send him off on a bender. Although his head told him that she was doing what she had to do to get radio time or get publicity, it still had bothered him to watch her work a room. He had never been comfortable, back then, in crowds of people at after parties or industry events. He'd have a drink or two to settle his nerves, but before too long it would turn into four or five and then he'd be drunk and Rayna would be pissed and they would fight. While that usually ultimately ended in them falling into bed together, it had been a bad cycle.

After rehab and after starting the band, he'd learned to manage the after parties and industry events and radio bits. Eventually he'd even learned to tolerate them pretty well. He'd never be as good as Rayna, when it came to those things, but he could hold his own. But now, watching her walk off with Liam, laughing and leaning into him, it struck him as having an intimacy to it that pissed him off. He knew he had no right to feel that way and he found it confusing, because he didn't even feel like he knew her anymore. She wasn't the Rayna he'd left behind in Nashville thirteen years ago.

* * *

_**Songs in this chapter are Lonely Tonight by Blake Shelton and Buried Under from the show.**_


	9. Chapter 9

**San Francisco**

Rayna lay on her stomach on the bed in the artist's suite in the back of the bus on the way from LA to San Francisco. Juliette was taking her jet, but Rayna wanted to travel the way she normally did, in a bus with her band. It had been a long time since she'd thought about riding in the old bus Watty had gotten for her back when she was first starting out. For a little while, she and Deacon had tried to pretend there wasn't anything going on between the two of them and he would take one of the bunks with the rest of the band. But in the middle of the night, when he thought no one was awake, he'd creep back to her private bedroom, which was really no more than a double bed and a small bathroom crammed into the back of the bus, with a wall that was more flimsy than they'd realized.

The day she'd overheard her bass player mimicking their moans to her fiddle player, she had first been mortified, and then she'd just decided to give in to the inevitable and move Deacon in there with her. Luckily they understood her desire for privacy and they protected that. Turned out to be a lot easier to just acknowledge she and Deacon were a couple, although there were times they missed the thrill of sneaking around. But the bus was always fertile songwriting ground and many of their favorite songs were written in that double bed late at night as the bus rolled down the highway to the next gig.

She smiled to herself a little. Those early days were sweet. Back then, Deacon drank, but not the way he did later on. In those days she wasn't worried that he might end up in a jail cell or sleeping it off in a bar or passed out in a hotel room, so drunk that she was afraid he was dead. They weren't fighting over how much he was drinking or who he got into a fight with. She didn't remember exactly when it had tipped over the edge from not being a problem to being a problem. But she did know that once it had, it had escalated hard and fast. She remembered feeling exhausted and worn down, although the memories had faded considerably over the last thirteen years.

It was amazing what living a normal life could feel like. It was another of the things she'd been grateful to Teddy for. Simple things like giving the girls their baths or making dinner or just giggling over bad jokes after dinner. Normal, family things. Sometimes she missed those things. She'd certainly never grown up with that kind of life. For as long as she could remember, until the day her mother died when Rayna was twelve, her parents had fought with each other. Virginia Jaymes Wyatt was a free spirit and, even though she loved her daughters, she felt chained to a life as a wife and mother. Rayna had been shocked when Tandy had told her their mother had had an affair for years. Which was probably one reason that Teddy's affair with Peggy had hit her so hard.

She rolled over into a sitting position and picked up her notebook, looking over her set list. She and Liam and Bucky had put it together prior to leaving Nashville. Liam pushed her a little to mix things up and she'd been reluctant, in some cases, to put some songs on the set list. Mostly they were songs she'd written after she and Deacon had broken up and after he'd left Nashville. Most of them were angry songs, filled with her hurt and fury, and they brought up unpleasant memories that she'd mostly wanted to lay to rest. She looked again at the page and the song titles Liam had written on the side of her set list.

Just then there was a knock on the door. She got up and opened it. Smiling, she said, "Well, speak of the devil."

Liam gave her a sexy smile. "I knew you needed me," he said. "That halo of yours is getting a little annoying."

She made a face. "I'm thinking you might be right about the set list," she said.

He raised his eyebrows. "Really. Well, that warms the cockles of my heart just a bit. What are you thinking?"

Deacon being with Juliette had really gotten under her skin. "I'm gonna do 'Sorry on the Rocks'," she said. She'd written that in the immediate aftermath of breaking up with him, just before she'd started dating Teddy. Liam had been badgering her to put it on her set list, telling her it fit with the songs they'd recorded so far on the new album. She'd resisted, because there was a lot of raw pain in that song, but she had committed to listen to his advice, so she, a little reluctantly, decided to do it.

Liam smiled and nodded. "That's a good one, Ms. Jaymes," he said. "Little message for Mr. Claybourne, I'm guessing."

She tossed her head. "It's just a good song, Liam. That's all."

He chuckled. "Right. Just keep telling yourself that little fairy tale."

* * *

Rayna left Bucky and Liam in the bar at the hotel after having one drink, and headed to her room. They would need to leave for the arena in an hour and she wanted to Skype with the girls. She stood in the elevator lobby and waited for the elevator to the penthouse floor. She knew Juliette had a suite on that floor and she hoped she didn't run into her. Or Deacon. The elevator doors opened and she walked in, pressed the button for her floor, and then stood in the back corner.

She was watching the elevator doors close, when a hand stopped them at the last minute, forcing them back open. When Deacon appeared in the opening, he looked slightly surprised, but said nothing. He stood in the opposite corner, looking up at the floor numbers as they rose.

"Are you enjoying the tour?" she asked, not looking at him. He said nothing. She looked over at him. "What are you doing with her?"

He looked at her and frowned. "You know, there's a lot more substance there than you realize, Rayna," he said tersely. She raised her eyebrows and just shook her head. "What are you doing with Liam McGuinness?" He knew he sounded like he was challenging her.

She frowned at him. "A record," she said.

He breathed in sharply, but he didn't respond. When the doors opened on the penthouse floor, he bolted out ahead of her.

* * *

She hadn't performed that song in years. She put it towards the end of her set, along with 'Already Gone' and 'Changing Ground'.

_What are you talking about / I don't really want to do this on the phone / Whatever you are gonna say, you should've said it by now / Oh, why don't you call a cab and just go home_

_'Cause I've heard it all before / I just don't want to hear anymore / It's two forty-four_

_And you only say 'I'm sorry' on the rocks / You've been drinking all night / And now, you want to talk / Well, you know your shaken or stirred love / Is making it worse 'cause / 'I'm sorry' on the rocks just ain't good enough_

_Well, I'm too tired, and you're too drunk / To keep on digging up the past / And a thousand pretty words ain't gonna mean that much / Coming from the bottom of a glass / Well, you're talking way too loud / There's too much noise in the background / I think we're breaking up now_

_And you only say 'I'm sorry' on the rocks / You've been drinking all night / And now, you want to talk / Well, you know your shaken or stirred love / Is making it worse 'cause / 'I'm sorry' on the rocks, baby, just ain't good enough_

_Well, I've finally had enough / And it's clear you've had way too much / This is me hanging up_

_Well, you only say 'I'm sorry' on the rocks / You've been drinking all night / And now, you want to talk / Well, you know your shaken or stirred love / Is making it worse 'cause / 'I'm sorry' on the rocks, baby, just ain't good enough_

_It just ain't good enough, yeah / It just ain't good enough_

The applause was loud and enthusiastic and she waved to the crowd with her best performance smile. But inside she was dying a little bit.

She wished she hadn't done that song.

* * *

**Portland**

Deacon was out of sorts. He'd been in a bad mood since the night before. Now they were on the plane to Portland and he was in a seriously dark mood. Juliette had been having a diva meltdown after her set the night before and, when nothing he said or did seemed to help the situation, he'd finally stormed out of her dressing room and stood on the side stage listening to Rayna. But when she'd done 'Sorry on the Rocks', he'd done a slow burn and then finally stalked off and headed back for the hotel.

He had thought for half a minute about going into the bar, the closest he'd come to that since Jackson's death, but he had headed for the suite instead. He had slumped down on the couch in front of the floor to ceiling windows and stared out unseeing at the Golden Gate Bridge in the distance. He'd heard that song on the radio back when it had been released and it had always sent him directly to the nearest bar, where he'd drink until he passed out. A part of him knew he'd deserved all Rayna's anger back then, but he felt sucker punched that she'd sing it now.

He'd ignored the buzzing of his phone and Juliette's countless calls and texts. When she'd come back to the room after the after party, he'd had to listen to her rant about him not being there for her. That's when he'd called her a 'pop tart diva' and she'd stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door and locking it behind her. He would have laughed if he hadn't been so angry at Rayna. He'd called his manager and arranged for a plane to pick him up in Portland. He needed to get off this tour.

Now she was trying to cozy up to him and she'd been hanging all over him since they'd left the hotel. Just then she sashayed down the aisle from the little kitchenette and surreptitiously slid her hand between his legs. He batted her hand away and scowled angrily. "Get your hands off me," he said, his voice quiet but steely.

She jumped back with surprise, then her eyes narrowed and her lips pulled back from her teeth like a wild animal. "Don't you dare tell me what to do," she hissed.

He raised his eyebrows at her with a warning look, then pulled his sunglasses out of his pocket. He slid them on and turned to look out the window of the plane.

* * *

Rayna and Bucky walked back to the hotel after lunch. She was glad they'd had the day off between San Francisco and Portland. She'd slept late and then they had run over to the arena to do a walk-through, finishing up with a late lunch. Bucky touched her arm as they walked into the lobby. "I've got to make a few calls, so I'll see you later at the media event," he said.

She smiled and hugged him. "Thanks, Buck. I'll see you later." She felt very lucky to have Bucky Dawes as her manager. He'd been with her almost from the beginning and he'd been like a big brother to her, helping her to maneuver through all the craziness that surrounded her. She'd never felt more glad to have him than when she was dealing with Deacon and his drinking, back in those days, but he was more than just the person who helped clean up the messes. He was a trusted business partner and her friend.

She had also been glad to escape Juliette Barnes for a whole day. Bucky had arranged for their own plane to Portland, so she hadn't had to suffer through Juliette's nonsense. Liam had returned to Nashville the day before, so without him to act as a buffer, she was happy to avoid the younger woman. She got on the elevator and slumped into the corner. Juliette was insufferable. Her little smirks and side eyes were getting on her nerves and she wasn't looking forward to another almost nine months of this. She was pretty sure Juliette knew it annoyed her that Deacon was here. _What is he thinking?_ Just then she heard quick footsteps approach and a hand stopped the closing doors.

Rayna swallowed hard when Deacon stepped in. _Not again._ After a moment, she turned to look at him. "What's happened to you since you've been gone? You're not acting like the Deacon Claybourne I knew," she said.

He took a deep breath, looked up at the floor numbers above the doors, then suddenly stepped towards her. He put one hand on her neck and leaned in and kissed her. She raised her arms as though to push him away, but he moved closer, wrapping his other arm around her waist. He sucked on her lower lip and she opened her mouth, letting him slide his tongue in against hers, as she slid her arms around his neck. She relaxed against him, feeling the warmth of his body, the coil of pleasure unraveling inside her. Then, almost reluctantly, he pulled back and looked deep in her eyes. "Is that the Deacon Claybourne you want?" He brushed her lips again, lightly. "I thought you got it. I ain't that guy anymore, Ray."

Too quickly, they'd reached the top floor and he pulled away, exiting from the elevator when the doors opened. After a moment, she stumbled out. She turned her head to see him insert a key into the door of Juliette's suite and her heart sank. _What the hell was that?_

* * *

Deacon closed the door and leaned against it, breathing hard. He swiped at his eyes where he could feel unwelcome tears. He had no idea why he'd done that. He'd been so angry, at her, at himself. That damn song had set him off. He and Juliette had fought since they'd gotten off the plane and he'd slept on the couch in the suite the night before. His dreams had been full of Rayna, but they hadn't been good dreams. They'd been dreams of her hurt and anger over his drinking, his addictions, his inability to be who she wanted him to be. So when she'd said that in the elevator, that he wasn't the Deacon Claybourne he used to be, something had snapped.

He didn't want to be that man again. He didn't want her to want _that_ man. He was different now. He'd found his way and he wanted her to know that. The kiss had been because that had always been how they'd resolved their anger. A kiss that led to another one that led to hands all over each other that had led to a bed, or sometimes just a place where they could close the door and lose themselves in each other, him inside of her.

He pulled his phone out and checked the message again. _Flight lvs Troutdale – Gorge Winds 5 PM local_. He sighed. He never should have done this. He got his overnight bag and started throwing his things in it and then put it by the door, along with his messenger bag and guitar. He walked over to the windows that looked out over the city and scrolled down his contacts list. When he'd punched in the name, he raised the phone to his ear. "Hey, there," he said, smiling when it was picked up. "What are you doing?"

"Homework." He could hear the annoyance in Maddie's voice. "Where are you?"

"On my way back to Nashville. I'm flying in tonight. Can we do a lesson tomorrow do you think?" Hearing her voice lifted his spirits.

"I would love to." He could hear the smile in her voice. "I'll tell Dad you're back early. Can you pick me up from school?"

"Sure." He laughed. "I'm sorry, I don't even know where you go to school, Maddie."

She laughed as well. "Harpeth Hall. Do you know where that is?"

"Sort of. I'll find it."

"I get out at 3:15."

"I'll see you then."

"Bye." And she hung up. He smiled to himself. Things were looking better already.

* * *

Rayna went to her suite and, fumbling with the key pad, finally let herself in. She slid down the door into a heap on the floor and put her hand over her mouth, tears spilling from her eyes. The kiss had been unexpected, but had brought back such memories. She'd missed him. But he was right – he wasn't the Deacon Claybourne that left Nashville. That was the problem. It had been so long that she didn't know _this_ man. But she didn't have much time to dwell on it right then. She wanted to talk to the girls and then she needed to get ready for the publicity event.

She pushed herself up and walked into the bathroom. She leaned towards the mirror and, grabbing a tissue, wiped away the tears and the mascara smudges. She reapplied her lipstick and ran her fingers through her hair. She breathed in deeply and then she walked out to the sitting area and turned on her laptop.

Daphne answered the Skype call. "Mom!" she cried, with a big smile on her face. "Where are you? How are you?"

Rayna smiled brightly. "I'm in Portland. We were in San Francisco night before last. What's going on with you?"

"I'm doing homework and Dad's making us lasagna tonight. Then we're watching a movie. Maddie gets to choose."

"Don't let her pick anything scary," Rayna warned.

Daphne grinned. "You're the one that's afraid of scary movies, Mom, not me."

"Well, I don't want it to keep you awake, though. Where's Maddie?"

Daphne scrunched up her face. "She was in her room, but I don't know what she's doing. Let me get her." Daphne vanished from the screen and Rayna could hear her yell out in the hall. "Maddie! Mom's on the phone!" Daphne reappeared. "She'll be here. So, does everyone love you?"

Rayna laughed. "Well, they've clapped a lot, so I think they like me."

Daphne's face got sad. "I miss you already."

"I know, sweetie. I miss you girls, too. So much! But I'll be home in about three weeks." Just then Maddie's face popped in. "Hey, Maddie."

Maddie smiled. "Hey, Mom."

"What's up with you?"

"Not much. Oh, Deacon's coming home early from wherever he was. He said he'll be home tonight, so we're going to have a guitar lesson tomorrow."

Rayna felt her heart clench. So he was leaving. She forced her smile. "Well, that's great, honey. Don't forget to tell your dad about your plans."

"I won't." She leaned in. "So how is it touring with Juliette Barnes?"

* * *

When she disconnected with the girls, she paced the floor. Deacon was going back to Nashville. She wondered if it had to do with the kiss in the elevator. She was glad he was leaving Juliette, but a part of her would miss seeing him, as uncomfortable as it had been. Maybe it was what they needed, not to see each other for a while. Just then there was a knock on the door and the glam squad had arrived.

* * *

Deacon was sitting on the couch, waiting for Juliette to get back from the media event so he could tell her he was leaving. His phone buzzed and when he looked down, he was surprised to see that it was Scarlett. He raised the phone to his ear. "Hey, Scar," he said.

"Deacon Claybourne, it's time for you to come home," she said, her voice firm.

"What?"

"You look like a fool, running around with that Juliette Barnes."

He worked his lip. "Scarlett, it's none of your business."

"Well, it might not be mine, but when pictures of the two of you are all over the internet, it might be your daughter's business. Do you really want her to see you hanging all over a woman half your age?"

Deacon frowned. "Scarlett, she's not…."

"It don't matter," Scarlett said, her voice dripping attitude. "She's just like another Blair. Is that what you want?"

He thought about that. She was right, actually. Juliette was about the same age as Blair had been when they started dating, only the age difference between him and Juliette was greater. Probably a good thing he was coming home then. He didn't need another Blair. "Don't worry, Scar," he said. "I'm coming home anyway. I'll be back tonight."

There was a pause. "Oh. Well, good then. You still got your key?"

He smiled to himself. "Yeah. It'll be late, so don't wait up."

* * *

Deacon was standing at the window when Juliette came storming in. He turned around as she pulled off her fedora and threw it on the bed, then whirled around to face Deacon.

"Oh, my God!" she cried. "How did you ever put up with the queen of Belle Meade? She is insufferable!"

Deacon raised his eyebrows. "What happened?"

"That press event. God, that woman is beyond pretentious. I hate how she looks down on me." She screamed in frustration. "I'm carrying her on this damn tour! She wouldn't have even filled the pit on her own. How dare she act like she's so much better than me!"

Deacon frowned. He couldn't imagine Rayna ever mistreating another artist in front of the press, so he was inclined to believe it was all in Juliette's head. "That doesn't sound like her," he started.

Juliette turned around, her eyes flashing with anger and her lips curled back from her teeth as though she was going to attack. "How would you even know? You weren't there. And you haven't been around for, what, thirteen years? She's even more entitled than she was before."

"What happened?" he asked again.

"She doesn't want to acknowledge that she jumped onto _my_ tour. To save _her_ skin."

"I thought it was the label's decision."

She pointed her finger at him. "I should have known you wouldn't stick up for me." Just then she noticed his overnight bag and guitar case by the door. She pointed at them and sneered. "What's that?"

Deacon slowly turned to look, then looked back, his gaze even but his jaw tight. "I'm going back to Nashville," he said.

She glared at him. "Really." She shrugged. "Go ahead then. I don't need you."

He shook his head, with a short laugh. Then he picked up his messenger bag off the bed and walked over to the door, picking up his bag and guitar. He took the room key out of his pocket and flipped it onto the table next to the door and let himself out, without a look back.

As he headed for the elevator, he heard the sound of glass breaking and her voice screaming, "Damn you, Deacon Claybourne! Damn you to hell!" He smiled to himself and pushed the elevator button. Scarlett was right. It was time to go home.

* * *

When Deacon finished laying down his guitar tracks, he walked into the mixing room where Watty was. Watty had called when he'd gotten back to Nashville and asked if he'd come lay the tracks for a new artist duo he was working with, Thompson Square. It had been a long time since he'd done session work and Keifer and Shawna had been amazed to see him walk in the door. Deacon had insisted that he be uncredited, but he was happy to do it. He'd listened to some of their tracks and had been very impressed with the couple.

Watty reached out his hand. "Thanks for doing this, Deacon. Stroke of luck to have you here in town."

Deacon took his hand and shook it. "I'm in your debt, Watty, you know that. All you have to do is ask and, if I can, I will."

"So how's it been? Being back here?"

Deacon smirked. "Interesting, that's for sure."

"Have you spent much time with Maddie?"

"Yeah, actually. We started out kinda rough, but it turned out guitar lessons were the ticket. And Teddy's been decent, since Rayna's on the road, with letting her keep it up." He smiled. "She's a good kid, Watty. I'm proud of her."

Watty winked at him. "I'm glad you seem to be past that Juliette Barnes phase though. I heard you went out on the front end of that tour with her."

Deacon laughed sheepishly. "I never thought I'd get sucked in like that again but it wasn't all bad. She _is_ a pretty talented songwriter, I found out. But yeah, that's done. It was an uncomfortable situation all the way around."

Watty raised his eyebrows. "Rayna?" Deacon nodded. "So how are things with her?"

Deacon worked his lip. "Truthfully, I don't know. I feel like I don't know her. Nothing feels the same."

"Well, I'm not surprised," Watty said. "Remember, you've been gone thirteen years. I mean, if you'd stayed here, things would have been different."

"I guess."

"What if you hadn't left? What if you were still in her band? I think you forget that you haven't seen each other in thirteen years. Time didn't stand still. For either one of you." He shrugged. "She's had a life, you've had a life, that neither one of you have been a part of."

Deacon looked thoughtful. "That's true."

"Remember, you asked me, back when I found you in Austin, if you should come back and I told you no. You needed to cut those ties and she did too. I'm not saying you didn't love each other or that it wasn't real, but the two of you were tangled up in a way that really wasn't healthy."

"You could be right about that. That's actually something that came up in rehab. That we weren't good for each other then."

"What if you had come back? Stayed all tangled up in this? Who knows what it would be like now? But you found out you could stand on your own, without her, which you needed to do."

Deacon frowned. "You think she was propping me up?"

Watty nodded. "I do. Not in the beginning, but eventually she was. And you know that. She resented the hell out of it, even though she loved you."

Deacon leaned back against the mixing board. "So, you're saying too much water under the bridge?"

"No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying you're two different people today, with all those different choices and experiences. If the love is real, you'll find your way back. You just need to talk to each other. Talk about what you've been through, what makes you who you are today."

Deacon took a deep breath. "Good advice, Watty. As always."

* * *

Deacon sat outside on the deck in the twilight with his guitar, working on a song he'd been fooling around with for several weeks. He couldn't find the finish though, even when he tried to visualize it. It was starting to get frustrating. It wasn't a song for the band, though, so it wasn't crucial to complete it, but he hated not closing a song out. He set his notebook on his knee and started again.

_I don't remember how I got here / When my rose colored glasses disappeared / Sometimes my fingers,  
they can lose touch / Start letting go of everything I love _

_When I get the feeling / That my prayers have hit the ceiling / On those darker days when my faith has lost all meaning / You keep me believing_

_My fears are safe here, held in your hands / When I'm broken, you put me back together again / All that I once was, all I could be / When I've forgotten, baby you remind me_

_When I get the feeling / That my prayers have hit the ceiling / On those darker days when my faith has lost all meaning / You keep me believing_

And he was still stuck. He gritted his teeth, frowning, and made a growling noise.

"Well, that is not quite the ending to that pretty song," Scarlett said behind him.

He looked back at her. "I'm just stuck. It's not the end, but I can't come up with the words."

She sat down across from him and handed him a root beer. "It'll come. My God, you're Deacon Claybourne, you know it'll come. Probably in a dream." She smiled at him.

He chuckled. "I'm glad you're so sure. Being Deacon Claybourne doesn't always mean everything works out right, you know."

She smiled and then looked away. "How much longer you think you'll stay?"

"You looking to get rid of me?"

She turned back and shook her head. "No, no, I'm glad to have you here. I'm glad you finally came back here. I was just wondering."

He shrugged. "I don't really know. We're supposed to go back in the studio in a couple months, but, I don't know. I guess now that I finally came back…. It's home. You know?"

Scarlett saw an enormous sadness around his eyes. "Is it because of Maddie? Or Rayna?" She looked at him cautiously.

He breathed in slowly and then rubbed his hand over his mouth. "Both, I guess."

"Have you talked to Rayna about it?"

He looked at her, the crease between his eyes deepening. "She and me, I don't even know what we are anymore. There's been so much water under the bridge. I hadn't seen or talked to her in thirteen years. She's not the same. _I'm_ not the same."

Scarlett's heart hurt for him. "Do you still love her?"

He nodded. "Yeah. But then, I don't know if the Rayna I love is the Rayna I left here or the Rayna she is today. Maybe if I tried to love her now, she'd be too different. It wouldn't be the same."

She thought for a moment. "When does she come home again?"

"In a couple weeks. For about ten days, I think. Then they go back out."

"Maybe you could see her then and just talk. See where things are. Tell her your story." She smiled at him encouragingly. "I think she needs to know what you been through."

"Maybe." He sat for a moment, thinking that Watty had said the same thing to him earlier that day. Then he looked up at her and smiled. "I do have a song I got finished. For the band," he said.

She smiled happily. "I wanna hear it."

He ran through the opening guitar chords and then started singing.

_When I was young I was told / Try to be just as good as gold / Fly right child, walk that line / Keep it straight and you'll be just fine_

_Well, they didn't have to worry / About a thing I'd do / But you're the kind of trouble / I could get into…._

* * *

Watty picked up his phone and scrolled down to Rayna's name. He waited until she answered. "Hey, my little songbird. I thought I'd fly out to meet you in Denver."

* * *

_**Songs in this chapter are Sorry on the Rocks by Kelleigh Bannen, Believing and You're the Kind of Trouble from the show.**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Thanks to all for reading! Thanks especially to those who've left a review with your thoughts or your encouragement – it's always great to know what people are thinking. I'm sorry to those who want things to move faster – that's not my style! Hopefully you'll stay along for the ride though. ;-)**_

Watty settled into his seat. The flight attendant walked up to him. "Would you like a drink, Mr. White?" she asked.

He looked up at her, resting his chin on his thumb, his index finger resting against his lower lip. "A whiskey shot, please, Denise," he said. Then he turned and looked out the window. When she brought back the glass, he looked up and nodded, with a brief smile, then turned back to the window. He watched as the plane started to speed down the runway and then, just before the nose lifted, he reached out his hand to steady the glass.

When they reached their cruising altitude, he lifted the glass and took a long swallow, leaning back in the seat. Denise got up from her jump seat to check on him. "Anything you need, Mr. White?" she asked.

He smiled and shook his head. "Just hit the sound system please. The Nashville mix, if you don't mind."

She nodded. "Of course." She went back to the front of the plane and moments later, 'Jackson' came across the speakers. He listened for a moment and it occurred to him that Deacon had probably named his son after that song. He'd forgotten that it was one that he and Rayna had sung often, particularly when they were first starting out.

He remembered the flight to Denver from Austin, when he'd taken Deacon to that last rehab. He'd been a mess when Watty had found him, already drunk at three in the afternoon. Or maybe still drunk. Didn't much matter. It had taken some strong arming to get Deacon to go to Colorado that day. When Watty finally asked him to do it for Rayna and Maddie, it had been like all the fight had gone out of the younger man.

He thought about how Deacon had looked that day. His eyes were unfocused and bloodshot. His clothes looked like he'd slept in them and that they probably hadn't been washed in a few days. His skin was pasty and dull, his hands were shaking slightly. Watty didn't think he'd ever seen him look that down and out, but then when he'd still been with Rayna, she'd made sure he managed basic hygiene and dress. It had occurred to Watty that if he hadn't found Deacon when he had, that he'd very well could have ended up as dead as Rayna believed he was, and in short order.

Watty wouldn't let him drink on the plane and that had turned him surly. But Deacon couldn't get off the plane mid-air and he'd eventually settled down. Watty had a private car meet them at the FBO to drive them to the facility outside of Denver. Deacon had been belligerent, not surprisingly, but Watty convinced him to stay. He'd called Rayna after he left to let her know it was done and she'd sobbed on the phone. They never spoke of it again.

This time he was flying to Denver to see Rayna. She was almost three weeks into the _Red Lips/White Lies_ tour and he was interested to see what Liam had put together for her. He also wanted to see how she was doing with Deacon being back in Nashville. They had avoided that topic for all these years, other than a handful of comments about his career.

He finished his whiskey and asked for another. He rested his elbows on the arms of the seat and steepled his fingers under his chin as he thought about his protégée. He'd known who Rayna Jaymes was long before he saw her at the Bluebird. Rather, Rayna Wyatt. She was the younger daughter of Lamar and Virginia Wyatt. He had met Virginia in the mid-seventies at one of the lesser known honky-tonks off Broadway. One of the small, cozy songwriter havens where the up-and-comers and the hard scrabblers alike met to share songs and whiskey and smokes. The small ceiling fans barely moved the heavy fog of smoke and there was a constant tinkle of glasses. There was usually a small audience of people who loved country music and were always looking for the less flashy, commercial offerings.

Virginia Wyatt was a beautiful redhead, her skin smooth and creamy, her eyes pale blue. She told people there her name was Virginia Lee, because they would have known her married name as well as her birth name of Jaymes, as both were big money families in Nashville. But Virginia was a free spirit, forced to marry Lamar Wyatt, and unhappy her entire marriage. She would leave her two young daughters with their nanny and sneak down to the seamier side of Nashville most afternoons. She probably wasn't fooling anyone, but no one bothered her there.

When Watty met her, she'd been a regular there for over a year. He'd noticed her immediately, her red hair making her stand out. She usually sat alone in a corner with a whiskey and her cigarettes, just listening to the music. There was something about her that intrigued him though. He was new to Nashville and, like all other aspiring songwriters, took every opportunity he could to try out his music. He'd noticed that she seemed to pay special attention whenever he was performing and so one day he decided to approach her.

He walked to her table and she'd looked up at him. He could tell she was a little bit tipsy, as she slightly missed her mouth with the cigarette she had between her fingers. She found it and took a long drag, then blew out the smoke as she smiled up at him. She was even prettier close up, he'd thought to himself. "May I sit?" he asked. She nodded and he pulled up a chair. He caught the eye of a waitress and got a whiskey for both of them. Then he turned back to her. "My name is Watty."

She leaned in. "I'm Virginia. You can call me Ginny, if you like."

He smiled at her. "I like Virginia, if that's okay. I happen to be from the great state of Virginia."

"Is that so?" She sat back. "I like your stuff, Watty. You're very good. Much better than most here. I doubt you'll be here long."

He pressed two fingers to his lips and then sent them skyward. "From your lips to God's ears," he said.

Ten minutes later, she got up to use the restroom, giving him a look that said 'follow me'. He waited a few seconds and then did just that. He discovered quickly she was a lusty and adventurous woman. Several weeks later, when he'd talked her into going with him to his one room studio apartment, as they were tangled up in the sheets and each other, she finally told him who she really was and that she was married with two daughters. Somehow he hadn't been surprised at all.

It had given him pause just a little, because even then, Lamar Wyatt was a powerful man. But he loved Virginia and he couldn't deny her. She was painfully unhappy in her marriage and, although she loved her daughters, she didn't feel cut out for motherhood. He knew later that she'd done better in that role than she'd given herself credit for, but at that time, she lived for her secret life with him.

He didn't really know what her marriage was like and he suspected that having the affair with him allowed her to do what she needed to, to keep the marriage afloat. Watty was pretty sure that Lamar knew about the affair almost from the beginning, but Virginia was very discreet and he left it alone.

And then Viriginia died in that car crash. Watty had been devastated. She had been leaving Lamar, that he knew. She'd told him she was coming to him, but he'd never known for sure. Virginia was like a butterfly and it was nearly impossible to hold her down. He wasn't sure she'd have truly given up one life to settle down in another.

When he'd met Rayna that day, four years later, at the Bluebird, he'd been struck by how much she looked like Virginia. With her red gold hair and blue eyes, that pretty, open smile, she was so like her mother. What he learned over time was that Rayna was much more pragmatic than her mother, and so in that way she was more like Lamar. Rayna was steely and determined, marrying the practical with the artistic in a way Virginia couldn't.

He didn't think Rayna knew about the affair. She'd never said anything that led him to believe she did. He'd never thought it wise to bring it up, but he made it his business to watch over her. For Virginia.

The plane landed in Denver and he headed straight for his hotel. It was the first of a two night stop and he would wait for the next night's show to see Rayna's new act. He'd had a long day anyway, starting early at the studio. He checked his phone and had a text from her. _Hotel Teatro, Study for breakfast, 9 AM?_ He smiled and responded affirmatively. He knew she wouldn't see it until she got back to her room that night after the show was over.

* * *

Watty walked into the hotel restaurant and made his way to where Rayna was sitting by the window, sipping on her coffee. "Well, hi there," he said.

She turned and smiled happily. "Hey, there," she said with a chuckle, as she stood and hugged him. "Look what the cat dragged in."

He smiled as he let her go and went to sit across from her. "Yeah, how 'bout that. Three hours flying across the middle of America. Johnny and June and Hank and Emmylou, nonstop on the sound system. How was the show last night?"

"Packed to the gills."

"Can't wait to hear it tonight."

"Well, I'll be curious what you think." They took menus offered by a server.

"Coffee, please," Watty said as he laid the menu down. He looked back at Rayna. "Feeling any better about things? Now that you've settled in a little bit?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe. I guess it could be worse."

"Well, consider that you're getting that exposure to a new group of listeners. And I think that Liam is helping with that. When's he coming back?"

"Not until after the break." She smiled. "That's what happens, I guess, when you work with an in-demand producer and performer. But you were right about him."

He smiled. "Of course I was. Have I ever steered you wrong?"

She grinned. "Never." She put her elbows on the table and threaded her fingers together, leaning her chin on them. "Have you seen Deacon lately?"

He raised his eyebrows. "I have. Have you had any communication with him?"

"Just texts and a few emails. To let me know he's seeing Maddie." She sighed. "Things with me and Deacon are just…crazy right now."

The server came back and they paused the conversation to give their breakfast orders. When the server left, Watty leaned forward slightly. "What were you expecting, Rayna?"

She looked away and then back. "I don't know." She breathed out. "I thought I saw something there, you know? That first night he was back. I guess I thought that part of why he came back was…you know."

"For you?"

She nodded. "I guess. But it's been awkward. And, of course, he was with Juliette for a bit." She rolled her eyes.

"Well, seems that's history now. But you might be surprised to know that I don't think it was necessarily a bad thing."

Rayna screwed up her face. "What?"

"He's been through a lot the last couple years, Rayna. More than you would know just from the gossip rags. I think he needed something uncomplicated. At least as uncomplicated as that was. You know you and Deacon were tied up together for a long time. Now you've had some distance between you and it's felt like a good thing."

Rayna shrugged. "I guess."

"Think about it. If he hadn't left Nashville, maybe he wouldn't have turned his life around."

"But you told me he was still a mess when you found him. Two and a half years later. How was that a good thing?"

Watty shook his head. "Well, that part wasn't. But if he'd come back here then, and he wanted to, you both might have fallen back into old patterns. And I think it's good that you both found your own way. You needed to do that too, Rayna, whether you want to admit it or not. You were very linked to him and cutting him loose let you spread your wings a bit."

She picked up her spoon and absentmindedly put it in her coffee and stirred it around. "But he's so different now. I feel like I don't even know him."

"He _is_ different, my little songbird. So are you. You haven't been around each other in thirteen years. You need to start over." Just then, their orders came and the conversation moved to talking about the tour.

Later, she thought about what Watty had said. She realized that she had been dealing with Deacon as though they had just picked up where they left off. And neither one of them was in the same place they were then. She'd be home in eight days. Maybe it was time to start getting to know Deacon Claybourne all over again.

* * *

The last two nights of the tour before the break were in Chicago. When Rayna arrived back at the hotel after the first show, the front desk had an envelope for her. She looked at Bucky, with a puzzled look on her face. "I wonder what this is," she said. She opened the envelope and pulled out a set of papers. She took a deep breath and swallowed hard. Then she looked up at her manager. "The final divorce papers," she said, her voice catching.

Bucky looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry, Rayna. I know it's not a surprise, but I guess it's never a good thing to end a marriage."

She shook her head slowly. "No, it's not." She slid the papers back in. "I'm going up to my room."

He reached out and squeezed her arm. "See you tomorrow."

She nodded and then headed for the elevator. She waited until she got to her room before her face crumpled and the tears started to flow. She slid down onto the floor and cried. When she finally regained her composure, she reached into her purse and pulled out her phone. She hit the call button and lifted the phone to her ear. "I'm sorry to call so late, but I needed someone to talk to," she said, her voice quivering.

* * *

When the phone buzzed, Deacon sat straight up in the bed. He glanced at the clock and saw that it was after midnight. He breathed in and then picked up his phone. He looked at the name on the screen and frowned. Then he answered. "Hey, Ray. What's up?"

"I'm sorry to call so late, but I needed someone to talk to," she said.

"What's going on?"

"I know you're probably the last person I should be calling." Her voice sounded shaky, like she'd been crying. "But I thought you probably would understand." She paused and he waited. "The final divorce papers came today."

He wasn't sure exactly what he was supposed to say. "Um, I'm sorry?" he said finally.

She laughed just a little. "Oh, I know you're not. I just know that you, you know, you went through this too."

He ran his hand over his mouth. "Yeah, I did," he said.

"Even when you want it, why does it hurt?"

He thought for a moment. "I think it's 'cause it feels like failure. Like you made a bad choice. Even when there's good times and love, it's like you chose wrong."

"Did you feel that way?"

"Yeah."

She was silent for a moment. Then she said, "When I come home, Deacon, I want us to talk. Just you and me. Really talk. About our lives and where we've been. I've missed you and I want to know what's been going on with you. I want to get to know you again."

He was surprised to feel tears prick his eyes. "I'd like that too, Ray," he said quietly. She was silent on the other end and he waited to see if she would say anything else. "Are you gonna be okay?" he asked, at last.

She nodded, even though he couldn't see her. "Yeah, I will be. I'm sorry I called so late, Deacon."

He smiled a little. "It's okay. I'll talk to you when you get home then." He lowered the phone and disconnected. He sat for a while, just looking at the now dark phone. He took a deep breath and laid back against the pillow.

* * *

Rayna sighed and then got up off the floor. She walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. _When had everything gotten so crazy?_ She wanted the divorce. She'd never loved Teddy the way he loved her. The way he deserved to be loved. They'd done a dirty deal together when he offered to marry her and make her Deacon problem go away. So much water under the bridge.

She thought about Deacon's words. _Even when there's good times and love, it's like you chose wrong._ She wasn't sure she'd chosen wrong, but she sure had chosen right for the wrong reasons. She was overcome with grief over the loss of the marriage and how much it had hurt her daughters. She was surprised to realize that the keening cry she heard was her own, as she felt the loss of the life she'd led. There'd been pain and tears and anger, but she wondered if there was anything she could have done differently. _Probably not._

Maybe she didn't choose wrong, but it sure did feel like a failure. And she was ready to get back to Nashville and see if she could pick up the pieces of her life.

Starting with Deacon Claybourne.

* * *

_**I know this was a short chapter, but it felt like the right place to end it. A little tease ending!**_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Wasn't last night's episode such a balm for our souls? I'm still not over it. So let's get this version of Deacon and Rayna started down the right path again.**_

Rayna had waited two days after she got back to Nashville before she contacted Deacon. She told herself that it was because she hadn't seen her girls, really, in a month, and she needed some time with them. But in reality, as much as she wanted to see him, she was afraid. Afraid that once they started talking, that they'd find too much had changed, too much time had passed, and that they couldn't get back what they once had. She knew that when she was close to him that she still felt that undeniable pull, but did he? She wasn't totally sure.

She had just come back from dropping the girls off at school and she was sitting in her den with a cup of tea. She thought back to that night in Chicago, when the reality of the divorce had hit her. Up to the point when the papers were delivered, she'd been, she thought, fine with everything. It had been a surprise, of course, to find out that Teddy had been seeing Peggy Kenter. He swore, at first, that it was not romantic, but she'd never quite believed that. She knew that they had dated in college, broken up when Peggy had met Robert Kenter. But Peggy was divorced and it was clear that she still wanted Teddy.

She and Teddy had run into Peggy at a fundraiser that Lamar was heading up. Peggy had fawned all over Teddy, but careful to not go over the line since Rayna was there. She hated those kinds of events, mostly because of Lamar, but she had pushed aside her distaste for Teddy's sake. She had teased him about Peggy later and he had blushed and deflected. But now she had to wonder how far back that had gone.

She thought about what she'd asked Deacon, that even when you were fine with everything, how come it hurt so much. He was probably right. It felt like such a failure. Particularly in light of how long she'd worked at it. So hard, in fact, that it almost exhausted her more than living with Deacon when he was an alcoholic. When he had sat down and talked to her, that night that the girls had spent with Tandy, she'd felt both sorrow and relief, which felt like an odd mix at the time.

_She'd come home later than normal from rehearsal. Ever since Maddie had found out about Deacon, it had felt like their lives were consumed with anger and angst, and she knew she was avoiding home. She felt that old conflict rise up in her that had consumed her in the days and weeks that led up to Maddie's birth. And then the pressure she'd felt from Teddy to not tell Maddie the truth. She had resented it, even while a part of her had acknowledged that Maddie had a good life. But this strain and Maddie's fury didn't seem worth it._

_They became more and more distant and, when they were alone, they fought. Angry fights, with words like swords. They had never fought like that before, never hurt each other that way. It seemed as though everything that had been simmering below the surface, for both of them, for thirteen years, had just boiled over. So him sitting in the den, looking pensive, had caught her attention._

_She walked over and sat across from him. "What's up, babe?" she asked._

_He looked at her and she saw such sadness in his eyes. "You know, Rayna, things for both of us have been pretty tough lately. You know, especially the past few weeks. Everything with Maddie. It was exactly what I didn't want to have happen. It was everything I was trying to protect her from. And…all the other. All the fighting and frustration…."_

"_Yeah, Teddy, I know, but…."_

_He interrupted her. "Let me, let me get this out. Please."_

_She nodded. "Okay."_

_He gave her a ghost of a smile. "Thanks." He sighed. "You know, I kept hoping that things would change, that there would somehow be this, I don't know, magical moment where things would get better, you know? Where you just looked at me and…loved me. Somehow, I thought that with Deacon gone, you could let him go and you could turn to me. But the reality is, Rayna, that it just hasn't ever changed and I'm tired of waiting to see if it does." He leaned forward slightly. "I want a divorce."_

_She sat there for a long time, unable to speak, unable to quite process what he'd just said. She knew that all the things he said were true. She did love him, but not the way he wanted. Not the way a wife should love her husband. And even though Deacon was long gone and she hadn't seen him in so many years, he was still there, between them. She finally took a deep, shuddering breath. "You're sure?" she asked, her voice catching._

_He nodded. "I'm sure. And before you ask, this isn't about anyone else. This is about you and me. I'm just sorry we have to hurt our daughters in all this."_

_She felt tears come to her eyes as he mentioned the girls. This would be devastating for them. Even Maddie, in spite of her belligerence these days and her insistence that both her parents were monsters. "We need to put them first, Teddy. Make sure they know this is not about them."_

_He nodded. _

And so that was what they did. They'd told the girls, who were sad, and they filed the papers, and through it all, she had taken all of the hurt and disappointment and sadness and put it in a little box, tied a ribbon around it, and hid it. Until that night in Chicago. Now she reached for her phone and pulled up Deacon's number. She quickly texted him. _I'll be at Sound Check at 11. Talk then?_

* * *

Rayna looked up when Deacon knocked on the door jamb. She smiled. "Hey."

"Hey. Still a good time?" She nodded and he walked in, sitting on the couch, leaving space between the two of them. "You survived, I see." She looked puzzled. He smiled. "A month with Juliette."

She grimaced. "I suppose. I try to stay out of her line of fire."

He shrugged. "She's not always so bad."

She smiled playfully. "But I wasn't sleeping with her," she said.

He raised his eyebrows. "Ouch." Then he shook his head. "So, are you feeling any better than you were the other night?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I guess. It's just, you know, confusing and hard. Like, how did we get to that place." She looked at him. "When did you know? That it was over, I mean."

She caught the sadness in his eyes behind his frown. "When it was, I guess. Over. There really wasn't one moment, it was several."

Rayna ran her tongue over her bottom lip. "Was it when your son died?" she asked. She saw his walls go up immediately.

"We're not going there," he said tersely.

"Okay." She could only imagine how painful that must have been. She remembered reading about it and her heart had broken for him. She wasn't surprised he didn't want to talk about it.

He sat for a moment, then sighed. "Was it a good marriage, Rayna? Did you have the family life you wanted?"

She caught her breath. His pain was so close to the surface. "In a lot of ways, yes. You know, Teddy was a stable guy. Normal. It was important that the girls had something steady, because my life was so unpredictable, as you know. And he was there. Every day. Especially when I couldn't be."

He worked his lip. When he spoke, his voice was almost a whisper. "Did you love him?"

She breathed in. She looked away, then down at her hands, as she played with the hem on her vest. "I did," she said finally. She looked at him. "It wasn't the same kind of love." She left it unsaid that it hadn't been like it was with him. "It was solid, comfortable, safe."

He raised his eyebrows and nodded. "The white picket fence thing." He remembered how they used to talk about a little house with a white picket fence. With a bunch of kids and music all the time. And a couple of rocking chairs on the porch, where they'd grow old together, him picking out melodies on the guitar to complement her sweet vocals. He felt a pain in his heart.

She smiled sadly. "Yeah, I guess." She sighed. "It was hard, Deacon. It wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't what I'd planned. But Teddy was a good man, then. He loved Maddie like she was his own. He was a good man for a long time. It helped put some order to my life when I needed it."

He worked his lip for a moment, then looked at her intently. "Was it worth it?"

She sighed. "Well, it's not that simple."

He frowned. "Make it simple. If we're gonna try to bridge this…thing between us, you gotta make it simple." He breathed out. "I mean, when I left here, you never said you were doing this because you wanted to be with him. It was because you _couldn't_ be with me." She looked away. His voice softened. "Rayna, I need you to be honest with me. I won't judge you."

She looked back. "You're right. I wasn't in love with Teddy. He was a good man and he treated me well and he…well, he was not you. That's the truth. I don't think you ever really understood, Deacon, just how hard it was for me. I loved you. I didn't want to let you go, but I was so tired. It was so hard."

He looked at her sadly, his eyes full of emotion. "I never meant to hurt you," he said quietly.

"I know you didn't. You had demons you couldn't fight with anything other than a bottle of whiskey and that's a tough life. I know you loved me then, Deacon. I know you didn't want it to be like that. But it was." She looked down. "And I had a lot of people who told me that I needed to let you go. That the only way you could get better would be for me to cut you loose. It scared me when you left Nashville. Especially when I didn't know where you were or if you were okay. That's what I dealt with every day, Deacon, when you were here. There were so many times when I didn't know if you were dead or alive, when I pulled you out of hotel rooms and bars, when you were so drunk I couldn't wake you up." She felt tears pricking her eyes and she had a lump in her throat. "I wanted to help you and when I felt like I couldn't help you anymore, I had to let you go."

He looked devastated and she wanted to reach out to him, but she thought it was too soon. He turned away from her and ran his hands over his face. He breathed in and then let the air out in a whoosh. "I guess I deserved that," he said finally.

She felt a pain in her heart. "Deacon, I didn't mean…."

He turned to look at her. "No, you're right. I was a mess back then. I get that. I wish I'd never put you through all that." He looked up and then back at her. "I'm pretty sure, when Watty found me, that I was on my way to an early grave. I was playing music, but it sure wasn't as satisfying as it had been before. It was a way to have money for a bed to sleep in and a bottle or two of whiskey. I knew enough to know I'd screwed up every good thing I ever had. And as time went on and I didn't hear from you, I figured I deserved that. I knew you'd know where I was, 'cause Watty would tell you. And I figured it meant you'd washed your hands of me, really and truly." Rayna put her head down. "Why didn't you tell Maddie?"

She fidgeted with her hands. "It was complicated."

"Uncomplicate it for me."

She sighed. "Well, I told you that in the beginning I didn't know what happened to you. And she was too young anyway. But I guess it never seems like the right time to do that to your kid. And quite honestly, I don't know that I ever thought through how that conversation would go." She twisted her hands together. "She was happy, Deacon. She had a good life and Teddy was a good father. I would think that was important too."

He rubbed his face. "I trusted you, Rayna."

She put her head down. "I know you did. And I failed you. I know that too. As both you _and_ Maddie have reminded me in many different ways. All I can do is try to fix it now."

They sat in silence for long minutes. Finally Deacon cleared his throat and then stood up. "I'm doing a set at the Bluebird tomorrow night. Why don't you bring Maddie and come?"

Rayna looked up, surprise in her eyes. "You're sure?" He nodded. She ran her hands over her thighs and rolled her lips. Then she looked up at him with a small smile. "I know Maddie would love to." She paused. "And I would too. We'll be there."

* * *

Rayna and Maddie got to the Bluebird early and went in through the back door, to avoid the line of people outside. As they drove around, Maddie's eyes got huge as she took in the long line of people waiting to get in. She looked back at Rayna. "That's a lot of people. And this doesn't look like a very big place."

Rayna looked over at her daughter and smiled. Maddie had, as she suspected, been thrilled to get the chance to see Deacon at the Bluebird. She smiled and shook her head. "It's not. But Deacon is really famous, so people are interested in seeing him play."

"How many times did you and Deacon play at the Bluebird?"

"A lot. It was always nice to be asked."

"When's the last time you played here?"

Rayna's eyes were a little sad. "A long time ago. The last time I was here, I was with Deacon." They pulled into a parking place and got out, ending that conversation.

When they walked in, Deacon was standing at the bar with a bottled water. "Hey, y'all," he said with a smile. Then he turned and beckoned to a young blonde woman behind the bar. "Scarlett, come here a minute." When she came to stand next to him, he said, "Rayna, you remember my little niece Scarlett."

Rayna looked surprised. "What? Oh, my gosh, the last time I saw you, you were a teeny, teeny, tiny thing." She grinned.

"She lives here now," Deacon said. "And, obviously, works here."

Scarlett had had mixed feelings about Rayna, since Deacon had told her about Maddie, but now that Rayna was standing in front of her, she was just a little starstruck. "Ms. Jaymes, I have worshipped you since I was a little girl, and not just because of Deacon. I know all your songs by heart."

Rayna smiled. "Well, thank you, Scarlett. I really appreciate that. And please, call me Rayna." She turned to Maddie. "This is my daughter, Maddie." She glanced over at Deacon and he gave her a very slight nod. She looked back at Scarlett. "And Deacon's daughter."

Scarlett had an odd look on her face for a second and then she turned to Maddie and smiled. "Would you like a little tour?" she asked. Maddie nodded enthusiastically and followed her.

Deacon looked down at Rayna. "Thanks for bringing her. Means a lot."

Rayna looked at him and nodded, then leaned back against the bar, watching Maddie and Scarlett.

* * *

Maddie walked up on the stage as Deacon was getting set up, and sat next to him. He looked at her and smiled. "Hey, sweetheart," he said.

She smiled back. "I'm really excited to hear you, here," she said.

"Lotta memories at the Bluebird," he said. "Lotta history too."

She looked nervously over towards the bar, where she saw Rayna talking to Erika. "Would you invite Mom up to sing with you?" she asked, turning back to Deacon.

He raised his eyebrows. "I don't know, Maddie. She might not wanna do that."

Maddie took a deep breath. "I think she does."

He looked at her sadly. "I don't know. I think we still need some time." He wasn't sure he was ready for that yet. Singing together at the Bluebird meant something, and he didn't think they were there yet.

* * *

Deacon smiled at the enthusiastic applause. He was enjoying these sessions at the Bluebird for two reasons. One was that it was an amazing place to perform. It had been a very long time since he'd performed here and he was happy to find out that the magic was still there. But the second reason was that it also gave him a chance to perform some of his other music, songs that were closer to what he'd written when he got started.

"Thank y'all," he said. "I appreciate you being willing to listen to songs that aren't DCB. This kind of music is what I started on. And it's still my favorite kind, I gotta be honest. It's what I used to write with Rayna Jaymes, who y'all may have noticed is here tonight, with her daughter Maddie."

There was a big round of applause as Rayna smiled and waved. Maddie was beaming and he winked at her. "So I should tell you about Maddie," Deacon went on. "She's a really terrific guitar player and I've been honored to have the chance to give her lessons while I've been here. She's also a beautiful singer, like her mama. But what I've also found out is that she's going to be a talented songwriter one day." He smiled at Maddie. "I'd been working on this next song for a while and had gotten stuck on the last verse. She gave me a suggestion and helped me finish it. So here's 'Believing', co-written with Maddie…Conrad."

Rayna glanced over at Maddie, as Deacon started singing, and smiled to see how overjoyed she was. She just hoped she was the only one who'd noticed that ever so slight hesitation before Deacon said 'Conrad'. _I need to figure out how to make that right._

* * *

It was a warm late spring day just two days before Rayna was scheduled to go back out on the second leg of the _Red Lips/White Lies_ tour. She hadn't seen Deacon since the evening at the Bluebird, except when he came by to pick up Maddie for a guitar lesson. She wanted to reconnect with him before she left again and she picked up her phone. She started to text and then decided to just call.

"Well, hey there," he said when he answered.

She smiled. "Hey. So, I'm leaving again day after tomorrow and I was hoping we could get together. Just talk a little before I go."

"Sure. You wanna stop by Scarlett's? She and Avery are out of town and they've got a really nice deck in the back. Private, no photographers."

She laughed softly. There had been chatter about the two of them since Deacon had been in town, which had escalated since the night she and Maddie had gone to the Bluebird. "That would be great. Where's that?" He gave her the address and she jotted it down. "I can be there in about thirty minutes or so. That okay?"

"Yeah. See you then." When he disconnected, he thought about her. It was harder than he'd thought it would be to try to bridge a gap that was thirteen years old. In many ways, he just wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her, but it didn't feel like it was time yet. There was still so much he didn't know about her life. Who she was today. And he thought that was important. He'd spent too many years with a trail of women who meant nothing to him and when he finally had been ready to give his heart again, he'd been hurt beyond measure. He wanted to take this slow. For now, anyway.

* * *

He opened the door at her knock and stepped back to let her in. She looked around and smiled. "This is adorable," she said, with a smile. "Reminds me of the place we rented. Not far from here, actually, if I remember right."

He nodded. "I drove past it. Seemed smaller, somehow," he said with a wry smile. "We can go out back. Do you want anything to drink?"

She shook her head. "I'm good." She followed him out through the kitchen to the back deck. When they were settled in their chairs, she smiled. "This looks like it would be a great place to write songs."

He grinned. "It is. When you're by yourself, anyway." She blushed and looked away, thinking about all the songs they'd written together that usually ended up with them in bed. "It's nice and quiet though."

She nodded. Then she turned and looked at him. "I've followed your career. I've been so happy to see your success."

"Thanks. A lot of it was good timing, but I got some really great guys in the band and we really hit it off. That's half the battle."

She scrunched her face. "What made you decide to form a band?"

He laughed softly. "Can I be honest?" She nodded. "First off, there's safety in numbers. And most of these guys are recovering too. So it helps to keep temptation away." He grinned. "At least, of the alcoholic variety. But, truthfully, I needed to do something different. When I got out of rehab that last time, one of the things I learned was that I needed to change things in my life. Not just go back and do the same thing I done before. That was part of my problem before. I'd get out and then go back to the same life, with the same temptations, and the same demons." He could see the sadness in her eyes. "I'm just trying to be honest, Ray. I don't blame you, I blame me. I just didn't know how to change things back then."

She nodded and then smiled at him. "I always knew you could do it."

"Do what?"

"Make it on your own. I don't know if you believed in yourself enough the first time."

He shrugged. "I don't know if it was that." He looked out towards the back of the yard and worked his lip. "I don't know if I wanted it enough." He turned to look at her. "Being with you was enough. I got to do all the things I ever really wanted. I wrote songs. I worked up all the arrangements. I figured out set lists." He sat back and smiled a little. "You know, all that stuff you and I wrote, that's the stuff I'm proudest of."

"But the stuff you write now is great."

"It's good. Don't get me wrong, I like it. But the other stuff, the music I'm writing now, that's what means something. You know, I told Maddie she needed to write from her heart, that the best songs came from your truth. And that's true."

Rayna sat and thought about what he'd said. "You know, I came to one of your concerts."

He looked at her, his eyebrows raised. "You did?"

She nodded. "I even sat in the nosebleeds. I remembered when you told me that I probably had never seen a show from there. And you were right. So I did."

He grinned. "I hope you felt like we sang out to you."

She laughed. "You did. And it was a great show, Deacon." She sat back. "You know, I've got a really good lead guitar player now. I had to go through a lot to get a good one. But you were always the best. It was never really the same without you. I always said there'd be no Rayna Jaymes without Deacon Claybourne, but I never really knew how true that was until you weren't there anymore."

Deacon frowned. "But you haven't missed a beat. You're the Queen of Country Music. You're better than ever."

Rayna smiled but said nothing. They sat for a few minutes in silence and then she asked, "What made you decide to go to Austin?"

"No reason, really. I saw 'Austin City Limits' on TV and just decided to go there. It's a great town. A lot like Nashville. Lots of live music everywhere. It's been a good place for me."

"When will you go back?"

He took a deep breath. "I don't know. We're supposed to go back in the studio in a month or so, but I don't know if I'm quite ready to leave here yet. Now that I'm back, there's a lot of reason to stay."

She ran her tongue over her bottom lip. "You said that once before. I thought maybe you meant because of, you know, Juliette, or something."

He shook his head and chuckled. "I told you. That was just a thing."

"Was it?"

"Yeah, it was." He frowned a little. "In the beginning, it was just something fun. Uncomplicated. She wanted to write songs and I could help her, so I did. And I needed a…distraction, I guess. And she could do that. But then it stopped being fun." He looked over at her. "She never meant anything to me."

She looked at him and nodded. "I hope you'll stay for a while. I know it's been good for Maddie." She took a deep breath. "And I'm glad you're here too."

"Me too, Ray. Me too." He reached for her hand and squeezed it gently, then they sat quietly, just content to be with each other.


	12. Chapter 12

When Rayna walked onto the plane, she saw that Juliette and her little entourage were not yet there. She breathed a sigh of relief that she'd have at least a few minutes of peace and quiet. In fact, she was the first one there, which was so not typical. She was usually the one running late. That was something Deacon always chided her about, back in the days when they were together. Thinking about Deacon made her smile. She had enjoyed the time they'd spent together, she had enjoyed learning more about what his life had been like during the thirteen years he was gone. She'd been encouraged that he wasn't ready to leave Nashville just yet. She hoped it was at least in part for them, but she didn't want to hope too much.

It felt like they'd just skimmed the surface though. And she still didn't know much about his personal life. She thought that would come, but she also believed that until he could unlock whatever pain he had around his marriage and his son, they would still be dancing around the edges. They were both very private people, which had served them well in the past, when Rayna didn't want details of her life to be fodder for gossip columns. But it also meant that they both kept things hidden inside and sometimes away from each other.

Just then her phone buzzed deep inside her purse. She reached in and rummaged around until her hand closed around it and she pulled it out. It was a text from Deacon. _Good luck. Remember you're not the biggest diva on this tour. See you in a month._ That made her laugh out loud, just as Bucky climbed aboard.

He looked around the plane and then looked worried. "Rayna? Are you okay?" he asked.

She looked up at him, with a smile on her face. She waved her phone. "Oh, it was just a text that was particularly hilarious," she said. "No worries."

He sat next to her. "Ready for the next leg?"

She shrugged. "As ready as I'm gonna be. Is Liam meeting us?"

He nodded. "In Boston, yes. I've booked some studio time too, while we're there."

Rayna put her phone away and looked at him. "So, the girls get out of school next week for the summer. I'm thinking of bringing them up to New York City to spend a couple days with me. Tandy too. Can you arrange for a bigger suite for us while we're there? And a car to get us around?"

Bucky smiled. "I can do that. Have you told them yet?"

She shook her head. "No. It's gonna be a surprise. They've been asking and I realized that I just miss them so much when I'm gone and I want to have them with me for a few days."

Just then Juliette and her manager and assistant got on board and Juliette was already ranting about something. Rayna looked at Bucky and shook her head, then pulled a magazine out of her purse and settled in to read, trying to block out Juliette's screeching.

* * *

It had been a short flight to Detroit and, as usual, Juliette had ignored Rayna most of the flight. Just before they landed, however, she twisted around in her seat to look at Rayna. "So, what's the deal with Deacon still being in Nashville?" she asked.

Rayna looked at her evenly. "I'm not his travel agent, Juliette. You should ask him if you want to know."

Juliette looked at her for a moment. "I heard that you went to see him at the Bluebird."

Rayna gave her one of her performance smiles. "I did, yes. He was my bandleader for over a decade. Why wouldn't I go see what he's doing now?"

Juliette smirked and pointed her finger at Rayna. "He was a lot more than your bandleader. Are y'all picking up where you left off?"

Rayna took a deep breath. _Boy, that girl has about five hundred miles worth of nerve._ "Juliette, my private life is private." And then she pulled her phone out of her purse and turned on the music, sticking the ear buds in her ears to drown out Juliette's probing questions.

* * *

Rayna called Tandy after sound check that afternoon. She was the closing act that night and had some extra time before the glam squad was ready for her. "Hey, babe," she said, with a smile, after Tandy answered.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready for your show?" Tandy asked.

"I'm the closer tonight, so I've got a couple hours before I even need to be dressed."

"So, what's up?"

Rayna smiled. "Well, I'm thinking about bringing the girls to New York for a few days while we're there and I was hoping you might like to make it a girls' weekend and come with them."

"Oh, sweetheart, that would be lovely!" Tandy cried. "I would love to do that and I know the girls will be over the moon."

Rayna laughed. "Well, Daphne will be, but who knows about Maddie. She's such a teenager these days, you never know what's going to make her happy."

"Well, coming out on tour with her mom will be fun for her. You know she's always enjoyed that."

"Yeah, you're right. She was always good on tour, that's for sure." She'd taken Maddie out with her often, in the years before Daphne was born. Once she had both girls, though, they'd stayed home with Teddy. But Maddie had always been fascinated by tour life. She always watched carefully and loved playing with Rayna's pretty clothes and standing on the stage with her during sound check. Rayna smiled to herself. _Yeah, Maddie will like this too._

"So, how are things going for her with Deacon?" Tandy asked, cautiously.

"They're still going really well, it seems. He's giving her guitar lessons and she really seems to enjoy that. He even, apparently, has been talking to her about songwriting. When we went to the Bluebird to see him the other night, he did a song that he said she'd given him some lyrics for." She sighed. "You know, things started out really badly between the two of them and Deacon even talked about going back to Austin, but he stuck with it and Maddie's come around. I think it's the music that draws them together." She knew all too well what that felt like.

Tandy didn't say anything immediately, but then said, "Wasn't that what you were hoping for?"

"I was. And I'm glad. But I worry about what happens when he goes back to Austin."

"When will that be?"

"He said his band was supposed to go in the studio soon, so I don't know."

"Well, maybe Maddie can visit there."

Rayna sighed. "I wish he'd think about moving back to Nashville."

"Is that for you or for Maddie?"

Rayna scowled on her end. "Stop that, Tandy, or I'll uninvite you."

"Sweetheart, I know you loved him. And he's been gone all this time and you want to believe he's changed, that somehow he's a different man. But he's still that same guy, with the same dark past, and the same demons. Just because he got sober and he's got this new persona, it doesn't mean the old Deacon is gone. I just don't want you to be hurt."

Rayna was silent for a long moment. "Shut up, Tandy," she said quietly and disconnected the call.

* * *

Later that night, after the show and after the after party, after she'd had a couple glasses of champagne and she was in her room, dressed down in lounging pajamas, she stood at the window and looked out over the lights of downtown Detroit. She'd been pissed at Tandy and she'd channeled that into a fierceness on stage that had taken her a little by surprise, however thrilling the crowd. She had fed off that and turned in what many of the media and publicity types were saying was one of her best performances in years. And yet now she felt deflated.

Tandy's words came back to haunt her. _He's still that same guy, with the same dark past, and the same demons. Just because he got sober and he's got this new persona, it doesn't mean the old Deacon is gone._ She didn't want to believe that, but she had to admit she'd wondered that herself. But she felt like she had moved forward in her life, gotten stronger, knew herself better. So why couldn't Deacon?

She frowned. It had been thirteen years. They had both gone down such different paths and all their experiences shaped who they were today, of that she was sure. She certainly was not the same scared sixteen year old who'd just been kicked out of the house and had to figure out how to make her own way. She hadn't told anyone just how terrified she'd felt that night, not even Deacon. But she had dug down deep and she had relied on him and she had pulled herself up and figured it out. She'd done that song tonight, like she did every night. It had become one of her anthems. _And it's my life / And I'm gonna figure it out / It's time to figure it out / And it's my life / I don't feel like showing you what I'm all about…. _

That was when she'd started keeping things locked away inside. It made it easier that way and had made her feel in control. That had worked, too, until Maddie had found the information that had blown that carefully constructed and managed life all to hell. But, as she reflected on that, it had been necessary. She'd been so afraid of blowing up Maddie's life, but sometimes that's what you had to do. It had blown up her own and now she was having to face it all.

She felt tears on her face as she considered that her carefully created life over the last thirteen years had all been a lie. She'd damaged herself and Teddy and even her girls in her quest to have what she thought she wanted – that white picket fence life. _Normal. What was normal anyway?_ Yes, it was making cookies with her girls and movie nights and being a carpool mom, but she felt a little bit like she'd lost herself while she was doing all that. It was why Liam McGuinness and his plan for her future had scared her. It was why she'd been afraid to contact Deacon all those years and why she'd let herself agree to Teddy's request.

Yes, they were different now, but they were also still the same, she and Deacon. It was still the music that drew them together and it would bring them together again, she was sure of that. She knew that even though everything else in her life was different, the one thing that wasn't was that she loved Deacon Claybourne. She would never love anyone else the way she loved Deacon Claybourne. What they'd had was something deeper than just love, it was as though they'd been connected at the soul. They were entangled, in a way that was permanent. She was sure he felt it too. She'd seen it in his eyes, but she knew, as always, that it would take him a little longer to get to that place.

So she would wait him out.

* * *

Maddie stood at the window by the front door, waiting. As soon as she saw Deacon's truck pull through the gate, she turned her head and yelled, "Denise, my ride's here! Bye!" She grabbed her guitar case and her notebook and she hurried out the door. She was already running across the gravel drive when Deacon pulled to a halt. She opened the back door and put her guitar in, shutting it, and then opening the passenger door. She jumped in, shutting the door behind her and fastened her seat belt. Then she looked over at Deacon's startled face and grinned. "Hey," she said.

He smiled. "Hey there. Seems like you're in a hurry."

"I am. I don't want to waste a minute. I only get two hours, so I want to make the most of it."

He nodded. Teddy was a lot stricter with Maddie's time than Rayna was. He wasn't really surprised, but it pissed him off anyway. It always reminded him, yet again, that Maddie was his daughter and that he had a right to see her. There were times, now, when he thought about whether he should ask for some kind of rights where Maddie was concerned, but he wasn't sure how that would work. And he didn't really want to do anything without talking to Rayna first. But he didn't want to ruin this time with Maddie with those kinds of concerns. So he looked at her and smiled again. "The park again?" he asked.

She nodded. "It's the closest place."

He drove them to Percy Warner Park and they walked to the same secluded area where they'd been before. It was private and people didn't bother them. Even wearing sunglasses and a ball cap, he wasn't sure he couldn't be recognized and he didn't want to create a problem, for Maddie or for Rayna. He knew this was all still fragile and new and they hadn't really talked about what it meant long term. Back in the days when he still held out hope that he was going to hear from Rayna, or Maddie, he wondered how they would handle the fact that he, not Teddy, was Maddie's father. They still hadn't discussed it, so he wanted to be careful.

When they sat, Maddie looked over at him. "Daphne and I are going to New York to see Mom in a couple weeks. Aunt Tandy's going too."

"Really? That sounds like it'll be fun."

She looked at him a little shyly. "You should come too," she said.

He raised his eyebrows and gave her a lopsided smile. "Nah, I couldn't do that," he said. He couldn't imagine how that would play out, even if he were to consider it. No way he wanted to spend time on that tour again.

Maddie smiled. "But you should. I know you and Mom used to sing together. I bet she'd invite you onstage."

He grinned. "Maybe. But you know what? That was all a really long time ago and things are different now. Complicated."

She looked puzzled. "Why? Do you not care about each other anymore? Are you still mad at her?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm not mad anymore. But, you know, it's been a long time…." He rubbed his hand over his mouth. "Look, we don't have a lot of time, you and me, so we should get to work."

She gave him an odd look, but then she nodded and turned to open her guitar case. He silently breathed a sigh of relief and opened his own. He didn't really want to talk to her about all the things he'd been feeling. It was enough for him to focus on building _this_ relationship, the one with his daughter.

* * *

Rayna was relieved that Maddie seemed to be in a good mood when she had arrived in New York with Daphne and Tandy. She and Juliette had three sold out shows at Barclays Center and in between rehearsals and sound checks and actual performances, she was determined to have fun with her daughters. Tandy had suggested mani-pedi's the second day and Rayna was surprised that Maddie wanted to hang back. So she sent Tandy and Daphne off and she and Maddie went to Serendipity 3. After getting frozen hot chocolates, they sat at a little two top near the window. Rayna was happy to see Maddie enjoying herself and smiling. It had felt like a long time since her girl had been really happy.

"Are you having fun?" she asked.

Maddie nodded. "I am. New York is so cool. Thanks for bringing us, Mom."

"Well, since it's summer, maybe you and your sister can come out a few more times with me." Maddie nodded and looked a little pensive. Rayna frowned. "What's the matter?"

Maddie sighed. "How long is Deacon going to be in Nashville?"

"I don't know, sweet girl. I know he has to go back to Austin to work on his next album, but I'm not really sure when that is."

Maddie looked a little sad. "I like spending time with him, Mom."

Rayna smiled. "I know. And he likes it too."

"If he's going back to Austin, I want to go with him."

Rayna hadn't been expecting that and it knocked the wind out of her. "Well, I don't know. We'd have to talk about it."

Maddie frowned. "You said I could spend all the time I wanted to with him."

Rayna nodded. "I did. And I meant that. I just mean that we'd have to talk to him about that. Figure out what the best thing is."

"Can't he just stay in Nashville?"

Rayna took a deep breath. "I don't know, baby. It's not up to us to decide that."

Maddie looked at her pointedly. "Do you want him to stay?"

"I, um, I would be fine with that. But it's not my decision, Maddie. He lives in Austin now."

Maddie was quiet for a moment, just looking at her mother. "Why did you not want me to know he was my father?"

Rayna raised her eyebrows. She wasn't sure exactly how to respond. "I told you, Maddie, it was pretty complicated."

"Didn't you love him?"

Rayna reached across the table for Maddie's hand. "Maddie, I loved Deacon very much. That was never the problem." At first, Rayna thought Maddie was going to challenge her, but then her face kind of crumpled.

"Do you still love him?"

"Maddie, I'll always love Deacon. But it's just not as simple as that. A lot's happened, for both of us and we haven't seen each other all these years. We're very different people now."

Maddie put her spoon down and put her hands in her lap. "All of this is so hard," she said.

Rayna's heart hurt for her daughter. "I know. But Deacon and I both want to help you, okay? We both love you very much and we're going to figure all this out. Okay?"

Maddie looked up and gave Rayna a tiny smile. "Okay."

* * *

Rayna had just fallen asleep the night after the second show when Tandy's phone bleated. The sisters sat up instantly and Tandy reached over for her phone. She frowned and looked at Rayna. "It's Albert. And it's late," she said.

Rayna felt a quiver of anxiety run through her. Albert was one of her father's closest business associates. He was tall and kind of sour looking and he always made her nervous. She was watching Tandy, but couldn't tell much from her side of the conversation. When Tandy ended the short call, she sat on the side of the bed, just looking at her phone.

"Tandy?" Rayna asked hesitantly.

Tandy sighed deeply. She didn't turn around. "Daddy's had a heart attack," she said, her voice flat. "He's at Vanderbilt right now, but Albert thinks we should come."

Rayna jumped up. "What?"

Tandy turned and looked at Rayna. "He's going to be fine, Rayna. He's too mean to die."

Rayna had had a difficult relationship with her father, all the way back to when her mother had died. She felt an obligation, but the distance between them had numbed her feelings. It felt as though he'd always been disappointed in her. First it was her desire to be a country music artist, then it was her relationship with Deacon, and finally her decisions about Maddie. She had a hard time feeling too sad for him now, but she was aware that her daughters loved him and would be distraught. "Well, Maddie and Daphne are going to be upset," she said to Tandy then. "So I think it probably is best that we go back to Nashville."

Tandy nodded. "I'll get us plane reservations." She looked at Rayna. "Unless you think…."

Rayna shook her head vehemently. "I'm not asking Juliette Barnes to borrow her plane. I know it might be easier, but I will not." Tandy just nodded. "I'll go get the girls, if you can get us packed."

* * *

Rayna walked down the hall to her father's room. She had just sent Tandy home. The past twenty-four hours had been a roller coaster of emotions and activity. Although Lamar had been stable when they got back to Nashville, he'd suffered another heart attack after they got there. He'd gone into surgery and now was still sleeping off the anesthesia.

She sat and watched him breathing. She felt all over the place with how she felt. Their relationship had been so hard and she always felt so angry at him. He'd hated her career, he'd hated her relationship with Deacon. She had wondered at one point if he had been behind Deacon leaving Nashville, although he'd always sworn that wasn't the case. He'd been angry that she'd told Deacon she was pregnant. And then there were times when he could be supportive, like when she'd told him about Teddy's affair. He confused her.

She was exhausted. She'd slept a little on the plane and dozed here and there while they'd waited for information. She knew from Bucky that Juliette was livid over her leaving and cancelling her part of the last night in New York, but she'd needed to be here. Even if she and Lamar were at odds, he was her father. She was so tired though. She leaned back in the chair and closed her eyes.

* * *

Deacon walked into the hospital and asked at the information desk for Lamar's room number. As he rode the elevator up to his floor, he thought about how hard this must be for Rayna. He knew he hadn't helped the situation, back in the days when they'd been together. Every time he had the chance, Deacon had fought Lamar on Rayna's behalf. Lamar sure knew how to push his buttons and get a rise out of the younger man and did it every chance he got. Deacon knew he was doing it, but he couldn't stand seeing Rayna's father treat her the way he did. He was sure that Lamar had been glad he'd stayed away.

He walked into the room. He could see that Lamar was asleep. Rayna was asleep in a chair and he knelt down next to her. He could see the worry on her face, even in sleep. He could feel that old protectiveness rise up in him. He reached out hesitantly and then laid his hand on her arm. She opened her eyes and he could see she was surprised to see him there. She reached for his hand, squeezing it for just a second, and then she sat up and reached for him, wrapping her arms around his neck. After just a second, he buried his face in her shoulder and rubbed her back. _God, she smelled good. She still smelled like…home._

Finally she let him go and looked at him with surprise. "How did you know?" she asked.

He smiled just a little. "Maddie. She texted me when y'all got home." He rubbed her arm. "How you doing?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. I know this sounds awful, but there's a part of me that wishes I could walk away, but I just can't."

He nodded, then got up and walked over to the chair next to hers and sat down. "When stuff like this happens, it always gets everything all mixed up."

She nodded. "I've just had such a crazy relationship with him. All my life." She sighed. "You know, I found out that my mom was having an affair for almost ten years before she died. Everything was so hard then. I could tell my mom wasn't happy, but I had no idea why. She could be so distant sometimes and Daddy was always so angry. I never really understood why. But now I feel like I know my mother better today and like I didn't know my father at all."

Deacon thought about the fact that when Rayna's mother died, she wasn't a whole lot younger than Maddie. It had to have been a really mixed up time for her. "Yeah, well, it's all through a different lens now, you know," he said. "It makes sense, you were only twelve when your mom died. Things look different through the eyes of a twelve year old."

Rayna smiled sadly and nodded. "Yeah. Or the eyes of a sixteen year old getting kicked out of the house."

Deacon smiled wryly. "I remember that. That's when Watty brought you your first paying gig."

Rayna laughed. "That's right. And Daddy was so furious with me. That was the biggest fight we ever had. Kicked me out of the house."

"The way I remember it, he said you were allowed to stay in his house but that you had to live by his rules." He lowered his voice for the last few words, much like he remembered Lamar saying it.

Rayna rolled her eyes. "Well, that wasn't gonna happen."

Deacon looked at her with sadness. "No," he said softly. "So you left."

"Guess I got that from my mom." She smirked. "I did have a mouth on me."

Deacon smiled. "Some things never change."

Rayna smacked his arm and grinned. "Shut up." Her smile faded a little. "Thank you for coming," she said.

"I knew this would be tough for you. I do still remember how it was." He put his hands on the arms of the chair. "I should go," he said and he stood. Rayna did as well. He put his hands in his pockets. "You take care, Ray."

She nodded. "I hope you're still gonna be here when I get back from this leg of the tour."

"Yeah, I'll be here."

"I think Maddie's worried you're gonna leave."

He found himself wondering if it was just Maddie. "I gotta figure some things out," he said. "But she doesn't need to worry."

She bit her bottom lip and looked away, then back at him. "It was good to see you."

He just smiled and reached out to rub her arm. Then he gave her a tight smile and walked out of the room and out to the hall. As he walked down to the elevator, he felt a tightness in his chest. He wasn't sure what he was going to do or how this was going to turn out, but he knew he wasn't ready to leave just yet. He needed to figure that out. Soon.

* * *

Because she had an extra day before she had to be in Philadelphia, Rayna took a chance and texted Deacon. _Flying out tomorrow. Meet me at PW?_ She'd been so surprised to see him at the hospital. It had felt good, hugging him, talking to him. It had felt normal, right. While she waited, she went to her room and repacked her bag. It had felt good to sleep in her own bed the night before. Lamar was going to be okay, would stay in the hospital a few more days, but Tandy was there to take care of things.

Twenty minutes after she sent the text, she heard the buzz of an incoming message. She checked her phone. _Meet you there._ She grabbed her purse, threw her phone into it and went out to get into her car.

* * *

He saw her sitting on one of the stone walls. She raised her hand and he nodded his head, as he walked over to her. She got up and they started walking towards one of the hiking paths. She didn't say anything until they had walked far enough to be out of sight of the main entrance. Then she looked up at him. "Thanks again for coming to the hospital," she said.

He nodded. "I figured you could use some company."

They walked a little further and then she said, "You know, talking about those days made me realize how different my life had become now. I mean, I'm a mama now. Everything I do now is through that filter. I guess it makes me think about my parents differently too. I just want to do a better job for my girls than I feel like they did with me and Tandy."

He looked at her. "I think you are. Maddie respects you and looks up to you." He sighed. "I'm sorry that I had to miss all that."

"I am too." She looked away, putting her hands in her back pockets. "Were you looking for that with your son?"

He scowled. "Rayna, I don't want to talk about that." He paused. "I can't. I don't talk about that. With anyone." That wasn't completely true. He'd talked about it some to Watty, but he'd felt vulnerable that day. But he wasn't ready to share that with her, or anyone else. It was still too raw, too painful.

She nodded. "I'm sorry." They walked a little further. "Will you tell me about Blair?" She could see him stiffen. "I told you about Teddy."

She was right. He worked his lip a moment. "I met her at an after party," he said finally. "She was the prettiest girl in the room. And when I went to talk to her, she sorta shut me down." He smiled a little. "I had kind of a reputation back then and she wasn't interested in that. And that got my attention." He looked at her. "She was the first girl I'd had to work that hard to get since you."

Rayna smiled. "Did she make you happy, Deacon?"

He raised his eyebrows and then took a deep breath. "In the beginning, yeah. She was smart, she was fun, she made me laugh. She didn't care who I was. She seemed to like me for me."

"You always looked happy, in pictures. I was glad you'd found someone."

He frowned. "Well, looks can be deceiving. She was young and we didn't like all the same things, turned out. She wasn't a big fan of country music either and she didn't really want to go out on tour with me. Or any of the things that you'd think people would do when they love someone." He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "Not everything was bad. But it got harder." He wouldn't tell her, but the only thing that was ever good always was the sex. He hated thinking that he'd held on because they were good together in bed. She'd make him feel like she loved him then. Even when she was pregnant, and didn't want him around for much else, she could make him feel loved in bed. But after it was all over, he had to wonder if it was even real.

She looked at him. "I understand about not being interested in the same things. Teddy never really understood my career. He would come to shows occasionally but I could always tell there was somewhere else he'd rather be. We both pretended."

They walked silently for a while and then he said, "You know, I told you that when things don't work out, it can feel like failure. And that's what it felt like. It felt like I'd made a mistake and picked wrong." He looked at her. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse with emotion. "I know I failed you. But I never felt like it was a mistake."

She felt like crying. "I know," she said quietly. "But _you_ didn't fail, Deacon. I've never known you to not give a hundred percent, so I'm sure you did all you could to make it work. Just like you did with us."

He stopped and turned towards her, looking over her head. "I thought she would be the one to help me…forget."

She took a deep breath, as she realized he meant that he was trying to forget about her. She reached out and put her hand on his wrist. When she looked up into his face, she saw incredible pain and sadness and she had to believe that it was not only because of her, but because of Blair and their son. He was hurting and she wanted to heal that hurt. "I'm sorry, Deacon," she said softly. He just looked away, working his lip. She breathed in. "Please don't leave again. Please stay."

He finally looked at her. He could see something in her eyes. He wasn't sure if it was compassion or pity or something else. He reached out with one hand and cupped her jaw, running his thumb over her cheek. She leaned into it slightly. He took a deep breath and slid his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her into him, wrapping his other arm around her back. She wrapped her arms around his waist and they stood there for a long time, saying nothing.

Finally he stepped back and out of her embrace. Again, he looked away, chewing on his lip. "I'll still be here when you get back," he said quietly. "That's all I can promise right now." He looked at her and tried to smile. "Hope the rest of the leg is good." And then he turned and walked swiftly back the way they came.

Rayna stood, rooted to the path, watching his back as he moved farther and farther away from her. She slowly raised her hands to her mouth, as the tears started to fall on her cheeks. She wasn't sure where they were right then, but she realized he was afraid. He'd finally gotten to a place where he had tried to move on and it had apparently blown up in his face. She had two more weeks on this leg of the tour and then she'd be back. And she needed to figure out how to bridge the gap when she did.

* * *

_**The song snippet in this chapter is "It's My Life" from season 1. It was never one of my favorite songs, but as I was writing this chapter, it popped up in my head and it seemed like just the kind of song Rayna might have written back then, when Lamar had kicked her out and she was young and fearless, but maybe also a little scared.**_


	13. Chapter 13

He heard the door open and her footsteps on the stairs. He didn't turn to look until she sat in the chair next to him and handed him a mug. "Thought you could use some coffee," she said.

He smiled at her. "Read my mind," he said. He cleared his throat. "I gotta decide when I'm going back to Austin. Soon."

Scarlett looked at him thoughtfully. "You can stay here as long as you like. You know that, right?"

Deacon nodded. "I know. And I appreciate you letting me stay. Especially since you and Avery probably would like to have your privacy back."

She shook her head. "Well, yeah, but I meant you could stay here in Nashville. I think that's what you want to do, isn't it?"

He frowned. "What makes you say that?"

"You've been here for nearly four months. I heard you talking to your manager a week or so ago, saying you weren't ready to get back in the studio."

"You eavesdropping on me now?"

She shrugged. "It's not eavesdropping when you're yelling."

He turned away and worked his lip. "I just ain't had enough time," he said.

"That's cool. But enough time for who?"

He looked back at her and scowled. "You really don't know how to mind your own business, do you?"

She shook her head and smiled. "You're my awesome Uncle Deacon and, after everything you done for me all these years, I wanna see good things for you. You deserve that. I know how much you've enjoyed being with Maddie, getting to know her and bonding with her. I know you want to spend as much time as you can with her." She gave him a knowing look. "When are you going to start doing that with Maddie's mama?"

He raised his eyebrows and breathed in sharply. "We've been talking."

"What are you waiting for?"

He shook his head and smiled. "You really, _really_ don't know how to mind your own business, do you? Something you learned from your own mama."

"I saw the way you looked at her at the Bluebird." She paused. "And I watched her watch you on stage." She gave him a pointed look. "I'm just sayin'."

He leaned back in his chair and rubbed his hands over his face. "It just ain't that simple, Scar." He breathed out. "A lot's happened. To both of us. It's been a long time since we spent time together. And we were different people then."

Scarlett took a sip of her coffee and looked out towards the horizon. "And yet you both obviously still love each other. I think you can work through everything else." She turned back and looked at him. "Just tell her."

Deacon looked side-eyed at her. "I told you, ain't that simple."

Scarlett sat forward in her chair. "Just tell her about Jackson. You hadn't talked to anybody else about that and you need someone to help you heal. I think she could do that." She could see the dark cloud cross over his face. He'd steadfastly refused to talk about that and everything that had swirled around his life in the aftermath of that. When she had seen him and Rayna together, she knew that's where he'd find healing, if he'd just let himself. She put her hand on his arm and then stood up. "I know I'm not supposed to talk about that, but you need to talk to somebody. You can't keep it all down inside you, like you do. Think about talking to Rayna." She walked quickly to the house before he could say anything.

Tears filled his eyes and he used the heels of his hands to swipe them away.

* * *

Rayna leaned back in the car as she and Bucky headed back towards TD Garden so she could get ready for the show that night. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. She'd just spent the afternoon with Liam, working on a couple songs, and she'd unwisely let him talk her into a couple shots of whiskey while they worked. She was not drunk, but she was a little buzzed and she didn't really like that feeling before a show. Back in the early days of her career, she and Deacon would regularly have a few drinks before performing and, while he was the one that more often than not suffered for it, she had put a halt to that for herself.

She had to admit, though, the two songs they had recorded kind of spoke to that kind of liquid courage. One of them was a bouncy, kind of fun number she'd written on a lark, that reminded her of her early days. _I o__nly smoke when I drink / Only smoke when I drink / Straight bumming, keep it coming / Baby what do you think / Feels good / Right now / And I'm too lit up to try and turn you down / All that holdback gone in a blink / Keep telling myself I only smoke when I drink…._

She smiled, thinking about how she used to bum cigarettes off her band members when she'd been drinking. It really had been the only time she'd smoked, and Deacon used to tease her about it incessantly. She had always thought smoking made you look very privileged and cosmopolitan, but when she'd seen a publicity photo of herself with a shot of whiskey and a cigarette in her mouth, she changed her mind. There were still times, when she drank whiskey, when she was tempted though.

Thinking about that made her thoughts turn to Deacon. That day in the park had felt confusing. The way he'd held her had felt comfortable and right, but then he'd just walked away. She'd gotten him to talk a little about his ex-wife, but she felt like that was what was still between them, that and what happened with his son. When she was standing there with her arms around him and his around her, and she could feel the warmth of his body next to hers, she knew she still loved him and she thought he felt the same. But he was holding back. Maybe he thought she wouldn't love the man he'd become, but she felt like all that he'd been through would only make her love him more. She felt both anxious and apprehensive about seeing him when she returned to Nashville.

* * *

The day Rayna was due back, Deacon drove up to the cabin. He hadn't been there in over thirteen years. He had bought it for Rayna, back when she'd gotten her first CMA nomination and he was fresh out of his first stint in rehab. He'd known it was a big step and she had reminded him that he'd been told not to make big decisions right away, but he had wanted to let her know how much she meant to him and how much he'd appreciated her standing by him while he'd fought his curse. The day he took her up to surprise her had been a beautiful late fall day and everything looked sunny – the sky as well as the rest of their lives.

It had been their hideaway and refuge back in those days, but it had also been a place of pain and anger and hurt. He, of course, had not been able to stay sober that time, or the next three times, and he had dragged her down with him every time. She had pleaded with him, threatened him, broken down with him, and left him, over and over, in a cycle that kept getting more and more dark. It was here that she'd come to tell him she was pregnant and that she was marrying Teddy, instead of giving him a chance to be a father. It became the place he'd come to wallow in his sorrow and grief during those months before she gave birth to Maddie and just after, before he'd left Nashville.

He'd thought about selling it, but something stopped him. Maybe because it was his last link to Rayna and, while he'd cut most of those ties, he hadn't been able to wipe the slate completely clean. He'd hired someone to keep it up in his absence. He wasn't sure what it would feel like to be there again. As he got closer and closer, he felt unsettled, as though it would be haunted with all the ghosts of the past.

Although it was not quite an hour and a half from Nashville, just over the border into Kentucky, it was still incredibly rural. The road that led to the cabin on an unnamed lake was still dirt and gravel. He'd lost cell service about the time he got off the interstate, so that hadn't changed either. It was one of the things he'd liked about this place, its isolation. And right now, that was what he needed most.

Even though the man he'd bought the place from had called it a cabin, and he and Rayna had continued to call it that, it was not anything close to a rustic lakeside cabin. It was a beautiful lake house, as close to the dream house Rayna had described to him all those years ago as it could be. It was larger than the place he had on Lake Travis, but it was even more secluded, nestled on a cove at the end of a spur road.

He got out of his truck and reached for his guitar and his overnight bag. He walked up to the porch that ran the length of the house. The caretaker had been there to open the windows and air the place out and, when he went inside, he found it fully stocked with food staples. He wasn't planning to stay but a few days, just enough time to clear his head.

He'd argued yet again with his manager about getting back in the studio. Eric was fully recovered and the band was ready. It was Deacon who wasn't. Now that he was back in Nashville, he wasn't certain he wanted to leave.

* * *

He was pouring himself a cup of coffee when he heard the door open and then close. He turned around and Rayna was standing there, framed by the sun's light shining in off the lake.

"I thought you had gone back to Austin without telling us," she said. "When I got home, I couldn't reach you and Maddie hadn't heard from you. So I finally went to Scarlett's and she told me you were here."

He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Rayna. I needed some time alone. I had a lot to think about."

She walked towards him. "I didn't know you'd kept this place."

He nodded. "I thought about selling it, but I just never did." He gave her a ghost of a smile. "This is the first time I've been here in thirteen years."

She sat on one of the stools at the kitchen island, across from where he stood. "I did a lot of thinking too, after I saw you at the park." She clasped her hands in front of her and leaned forward. "I really didn't think about what it would be like if you came back to Nashville. I was prepared for you to hate me for not telling Maddie, but I wasn't sure how I'd feel about you." She sighed. "I thought about you a lot back then. Every day really, because every time I looked at Maddie, I saw you looking back at me. I know I told you that I worried about you, after you left. But really, I nearly lost my mind. I thought you were dead, Deacon. I never dreamed Watty would finally find you." She looked away and then looked back. "And then I was mad. It obviously wasn't the first time you'd disappeared and I couldn't find you, but it had never gone on for two and a half _years_. That was a long time, Deacon, and it hurt. Like every other time you'd left, only like a million times worse."

He breathed in slowly. "I know. But, Rayna, you don't know how much it hurt to walk away back then. I get that I was a mess then, I do. I even understand now why you made the decisions you did. And I know you could have just not told me, but you did, and I give you credit for that. But it was like you had no faith in me. That you didn't believe that finally having that family we always talked about wouldn't have been something I'd want to fight for." He pressed his palms down on the counter and looked down. "I hated you, for a long time. It didn't matter that I was a drunk, you took everything away from me that mattered. You didn't even give me a chance to try." He looked up and was surprised to see pain on her face. "Not hearing from you all those years, God, that stabbed me in the heart. Like it wasn't enough to take everything away then, but to never give it back…" He shook his head.

Tears rolled down her cheeks and Rayna reached up to brush them away. "I made a mistake. And I'll regret that for the rest of my life. I want to try to make it up in some way though. I talked to both Maddie and Teddy about this. Maddie's on board. Teddy wasn't, but he really wasn't in a good position to argue. But I want to correct Maddie's birth certificate." Deacon raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You'll need to do a paternity test, but I plan to petition the court to change that when you do."

"Rayna, you don't have to…."

She frowned. "Yes, I do. It's one thing I can do to make this right." She could see the emotions playing across his face and his eyes glistened with tears.

He took a deep breath. "Why don't we sit out on the porch?" he suggested and she nodded. He followed her outside and they sat next to each other. He looked at her. "Where do we go from here?"

She looked down at her hands, then back at him. "Are you going back to Austin? Is that still your plan?"

He rubbed his hands over his face. "I don't know. You know, back when I first came, that was my plan. I've lived there for thirteen years. I built a life there. It's a good place. But you know, it's not home. I don't think I realized that until I came back here. I want us to figure out how to do all this with Maddie, but I don't know if it's good for her to get pulled back and forth. But there's stuff I gotta figure out about that."

"We don't have to solve that now."

"No, you're right, we don't." He worked his lip. "You know, I had to figure out how to stand on my own. And I did. But I did it in Austin. That made it easier. If I came back here, I don't want to fall back into old patterns. And that would be easy to do."

Rayna smiled encouragingly. "I don't want that either. I don't think it has to be that way, Deacon. We've both learned to stand on our own. You know, I've never known you sober. I want to hope that we can build a relationship without all the baggage."

He nodded. "I know." He looked at her sadly. "I still love you, Rayna, but I think I love the person you used to be. I didn't know who you were when I got here and I need to see if I can love the person you are now."

She swallowed hard. His words left an ache in her heart, but she also knew the truth in them. She needed to know the same thing. "I know. I feel the same way." She reached out for his hand. "I feel like I need to understand what you've lived through. Can you tell me?" She only knew what she'd read and she felt sure that didn't tell the whole story.

At first it looked like he was going to stonewall her, but then he breathed out. "I spent all those years trying to move on from you. I finally thought I'd found the person that was gonna do that when I met Blair." He shook his head and laughed bitterly. "I thought I had it all figured out. And she was as different from you as anyone could be." He looked at Rayna. "I loved her. I mean I really _loved_ her. I would have done anything for her. And in the beginning, I think she loved me too, that way. I was sure she was my white picket fence and all those mundane things I wanted."

"What changed?"

He took a deep breath. "It was a lot of things. She was just a couple years out of college and she still wanted to party and all that. She understood that I couldn't drink, but I think it maybe was more than she wanted to take on. She tried at first, I don't want you to think it was all bad, but we wanted different things out of life and as good as things were in the beginning, they didn't stay that way. Then she had a riding accident and she had to rest and stay off her feet. I think that's when things changed, only I didn't realize it because I was always out on the road or in the studio or something."

"It is hard when you have different lives."

He took a deep breath, then rubbed his face. "She didn't want a baby. I see that now. But I thought Maddie…well, you know what I thought. And I was ready for all that. Being a dad, having that responsibility. I wanted it. I mean, I _was_ a dad. But I wanted a kid that I could raise." Rayna looked down at her hands. "I think she resented me for forcing the issue. She finally went along with it, but she hated being pregnant, I get it now. She was always unhappy. We fought all the time. But I thought, you know, when the baby came, that it would all turn out okay.

"She never let me go to an appointment with her, so all I knew was what she told me. I should have seen it all then. But it was what I wanted and I was happy and I didn't pay attention to her like I should have." He breathed in slowly and Rayna could see the tears glistening in his eyes. "When she went into labor, she was scared. She was out of her mind. She did not want that baby to be born. She fought it the whole time, which I didn't understand. I thought she'd be happy it was over, but she just didn't want me to know what she'd done."

Rayna felt a chill run up her spine. She looked at Deacon and saw the tears in his eyes and the devastation on his face. She could see the tension in his body as he fought to keep control. She desperately wanted to reach out to him, but she was afraid that would only make him shut down. "Deacon, what happened?" she whispered.

He took a deep breath and then lowered his head. "When he was born, he was in distress. That's what they told me at first. But they took him away so fast. And Blair wouldn't look at me, she didn't want me near her. I knew something was really wrong. I left and found the doctor and she took me to where my son was." He raised a shaky hand and brushed at the tears in his eyes, then choked back a sob. "He was so sick, Ray. They told me he was anencephalic."

Rayna frowned in confusion. "I don't know what that means."

Deacon rubbed his face. For a moment he struggled to speak. "He was born without all of his brain. I'd never heard that word before, never would have thought I could ever say it out loud." Rayna gasped. "She knew. I didn't." Tears streaked down his face. "I got to hold him, but he was dying in my arms. He didn't even live for thirty minutes."

"Oh, Deacon. Oh my God." She could feel the tears on her own face and her heart hurt for him.

He breathed in again and then let it out, trying to calm himself. "He was a baby, Ray, and he never had a chance. It's a birth defect, they told me, but I found out that she'd been hooked on painkillers since her accident, so I don't know. Maybe other stuff that I didn't want to know about. I should have known what she was doing, but I was never there enough to realize it. I didn't even know then. All I knew is that she wouldn't see me, she cried all the time, and she moved out of our house. I thought she was grieving. All I knew for sure was that our son had died and my wife couldn't stand to look at me."

Rayna was in shock. There had never been a whisper of this. The reports were that the baby had been stillborn. She couldn't even imagine the horror of what he'd gone through. "What did you do?"

"I buried him. And I went back out on the road. I cried every night, for all of us. And then I went home. I hadn't seen Blair in a month and I needed her. I thought we needed to go through this together. That she needed me. So I just took off and went home to her." He looked out over the lake, the tears gone, replaced by a weariness that seemed to drain him. "That's when I found out about the drugs. And that's why she didn't want a baby, why she never let me go to the doctor with her, why she didn't want him to be born at all. She knew. Even though they told me it wasn't that, I don't believe that. And I don't think she did either."

Rayna was horrified. "Oh, babe, I can't believe it. How awful for you."

"I left her then. Filed for divorce right away. She got nothing from me. I told her she had to walk away unless she wanted me to tell her story." He looked devastated, his hands clasped in front of him, his elbows on his knees, and his head down. "I sat at a bar with a shot of whiskey in front of me. Sat there for over an hour, fighting with myself about drinking it. I could hardly breathe. But finally I got up and walked away." He finally looked at her. "This thing with Maddie, it made me feel a lot of the same stuff. Like I wasn't good enough. Like I didn't deserve any of that."

She reached out and put her hand on his arm. "Oh, Deacon, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for what I did and I'm sorry for what happened to Jackson. But you _are_ good enough. You're more than good enough."

"I get it, Ray," he said. "I was a mess back then. And I know you wanted to do right by Maddie. She's a good kid. A great kid. You did a great job." He ran a hand over his mouth. "I could stay mad and pissed off, but I think it's better for us to just move forward. Build that life with Maddie. Be her parents. Being mad ain't gonna help."

Rayna squeezed his arm. "Thank you for telling me, Deacon. I know that was hard." She felt the tears again. "You didn't deserve any of that. You worked hard to make a better life for yourself and you deserved so much better." She slid her hand down his arm and wrapped it around his hand. He held on tightly and leaned back in his chair, closing his eyes.

They sat together, just holding hands, until the sun started to set. Rayna felt drained from listening to his pain and anguish. She wished there was more she could do, but she felt like he needed some time alone. She let his hand go and stood. "Don't stay here too long," she said quietly. "Come back home soon." She paused a moment. "I love you, Deacon."

He looked up at her and nodded. Then he put his hands on the arms of the chair and pushed himself up. He stood looking at her, his eyes still filled with pain. She took a step towards him and he walked into her arms. It felt a little to her like when he'd come to the hospital. The two of them had so much history and the love they'd felt for each other ran so deep, in spite of all the years apart. But she knew he wasn't ready yet and he knew she'd be there when he was.

* * *

As Rayna drove back to Nashville, she felt like she'd run a marathon. She couldn't stop crying. She had never, in a million years, thought she'd hear what came out of Deacon's mouth that day. To lose a child had to be devastating, but to lose one that way and not to be sure if it could have been prevented, was just heartbreaking. Her heart ached for him. All she wanted to do was get home and hug her girls.

She thought back to how she'd felt after they'd met at the park. She had known then that she loved him and that, if she could understand more of what had happened to him in the time they'd been apart, it wouldn't change that. And she was right – knowing all this and how it had shaped him _did_ make her love him more.

* * *

Deacon sat on the porch long after Rayna left, watching the sky darken and the stars twinkle in the blackness. He could hear the breeze whip up the water lightly on the lake. It had been such a relief to let out all of the pain and hurt over Jackson's death. He'd kept it bottled up inside for over a year and a half and it had eaten away at him. He had known Rayna would understand. She knew him better than anyone and she knew him so well. As she had left him that night, he'd known that the love was still there. And even thought she wasn't physically present, he could feel her in this place, like she was wrapped around him. That hadn't changed and it comforted him to know that.

He got up and went into the house, picking up a guitar. He walked back out onto the porch and sat in the chair, the guitar across his lap. He looked up at the sky and he ran his fingers lightly across the strings. He emptied his mind and let the dark and the twinkling of the stars and the flickering of the fireflies dancing across the lake fill him up. And then he started to write.

* * *

Rayna got up from the bench. "I'm going to get some coffee. Y'all want anything?" Maddie and Deacon both looked at her and shook their heads. "Okay. I'll be right back."

They watched her walk off towards the vending machines, then Maddie turned back and looked at Deacon. "So, this is really going to happen?" she asked.

Deacon smiled. "Yeah. I got a copy of the results and it's official." He patted his pocket. "You're mine, whether you like it or not."

Maddie smiled shyly. "I like it."

Deacon reached out and squeezed her hand. "Me too."

"So what will the judge do?"

He shrugged. "Not sure. I guess he'll look at all the paperwork and maybe ask some questions and then make a decision. I don't think it'll be a big deal." He hoped not. Rayna's lawyer had seemed to feel that it was just a formality. She had an affidavit, signed by Teddy, that he was relinquishing his rights, plus the official paternity test. All the parties were in agreement, so she didn't anticipate any issues.

Just as Rayna walked back up, her attorney stepped out of the judge's chambers. "Rayna, the judge is ready for us," she said.

Rayna took a deep breath and looked at Deacon and Maddie. They stood up and walked over to her. Maddie reached for her hand and Rayna squeezed it, smiling at her. Then she looked at Deacon. "Let's go do this."

* * *

It took all of five minutes. The judge had reviewed all the documentation and he asked Maddie if she was sure this was what she wanted. When Maddie smiled and answered in the affirmative, the judge smiled back at her. He asked her if she wanted to change her last name, which she hadn't been prepared for. But she grinned happily and said she would. So a new birth certificate was issued, naming Deacon Claybourne as the father of Madeline Virginia Claybourne, and she looked first at Rayna and then at Deacon, noting they both had tears in their eyes.

They walked out of the judge's chambers and thanked Rayna's lawyer for handling it all. Then they stood together in the hallway and just looked at each other with smiles on their faces.

Rayna watched Deacon and Maddie together. Deacon had come back to Nashville the day after she'd gone to see him. It had felt like they'd broken through a lot of the walls that had been there between them since he'd come back, actually since he'd left in the beginning. There was an ease between them that hadn't been there before and she had felt encouraged, that they were moving forward together. Being able to do this today had felt like a major milestone to them truly being a family again.

"So now it's real," Deacon said, with a happy grin.

Maddie hugged him and Deacon hugged her close, tears spilling out onto his face. She looked up at him. "Hey, are you sad?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Nah, not sad. I'm the happiest guy you know right now. I know it took a while, but this was all I ever wanted." He looked down at Maddie. "I love you, sweetie."

She smiled up at him. "I love you, too. Dad."

He reached out for Rayna's hand, as she stood watching them. "Thanks, Ray," he said.

She leaned in and hugged him and then Maddie. "This is all I ever wanted too," she whispered.

* * *

_**A/N: I borrowed the details of Jackson Claybourne's birth and death from a storyline on "Private Practice". Amelia Shepherd found out the baby she was carrying was anencephalic and thought it was due to the fact that she'd been doing drugs when she conceived. It's actually a birth defect that's caused by other factors, but it's easy to see why those affected by it in these circumstances would always wonder otherwise. **_


	14. Chapter 14

Rayna was sitting on the couch in her den working on some lyrics. Or, more accurately, repeatedly scratching out and rewriting lyrics. She still needed a couple more songs for her album, but was hitting a roadblock. When Deacon walked in with his guitar after his lesson with Maddie, she looked up and smiled. "Hey. Y'all finished?" She set aside her notebook.

He smiled and sat across from her. "Yeah." He scratched his chin. "So, I'll drop her off at her friend's house, if that's okay."

"Sure."

"She said she's spending the night?" Rayna nodded. Deacon frowned a little. "Do we know the parents?"

Rayna grinned. "_I_ do. And Talia's been Maddie's best friend since grade school. So we're good."

Deacon looked a little sheepish as he nodded. "Okay. I don't know what the process is here, you know?"

"You were exactly right, babe. We always want to know who she's spending time with and their parents."

Deacon took a deep breath. "So, she told me that Daphne's at Teddy's. Why don't you come to the Bluebird tonight?"

Rayna felt her heart skip a beat. This was the first time he'd asked her to do anything like this that didn't involve Maddie. She made a face. "Well, I have a rehearsal tonight," she said, with a sigh.

He nodded. "It's okay. I just know you're leaving in a couple days…." His voice trailed off.

She didn't want to miss this opportunity. "I'll try to end it early, how about that? I might not get there until a little bit late, if that's okay."

He nodded and gave her a small smile. "That would be great."

Just then Maddie bounced into the room with her overnight bag. "I'm ready," she said. Deacon stood up and walked over to her. "Bye, Mom. I'll see you tomorrow."

Rayna stood and smiled at her daughter. "Bye, sweet girl. Have fun." Then she looked at Deacon and raised her hand in a wave. He smiled back at her and then walked out with Maddie.

She walked out into the foyer and watched through the side window as Deacon and Maddie headed for his truck. She could see them talking to each other, both smiling. Then Deacon reached out and hugged Maddie before she got in the passenger side of the truck. Rayna felt herself tear up. They'd only officially been father and daughter for a couple of days, but it seemed as natural as if they'd had that relationship since Maddie was born. She knew she should have handled all of that differently, but she felt like she'd done the right thing and things would be better now.

She wished she didn't have rehearsal and she could go to the Bluebird. She wondered if he was asking her for a reason. Every time she felt like they'd taken a step or two forward, it seemed like things stalled out and that felt frustrating. She thought maybe he had more to work through than she did. But she'd figure out a way to get to the Bluebird, even if it was only for a little while.

* * *

Rayna slipped in through the back door of the Bluebird and made her way to the bar, squeezing Erika's hand and smiling as she stood next to her. Bucky had been annoyed that she'd ended rehearsal early, without any explanation, but she wanted to get here before Deacon finished his show. Just as she walked in, she heard him start a new song. It was one she hadn't heard before.

_Sometimes it feels like I'm so far away / Like everything I love has lost its place / When life gets the best of me, I just close my eyes and see_

As she listened from the shadows, she could hear the sadness and regret in his voice.

_Fireflies dancing in the yard under the blanket of stars / The sound of their rusty string guitar playing songs we know / And all that I have to do is think one little thought of you / And I'm back home, I'm right back home_

She thought about what he'd said, about Nashville being home. She hoped that this meant he had decided to stay.

_Work so long and hard to chase your dreams / Wind up someplace you don't want to be / It's such a lonely road, especially when you know_

She felt tears in her eyes as she thought about all he had done and accomplished. He had the career he'd always wanted, with the respect of the music industry for his talents. And yet, all he really wanted was that white picket fence life and a family. Twice he'd been blindsided by disappointment. Her heart hurt and she struggled to swallow over the lump in her throat.

_There's fireflies dancing in the yard, under the blanket of stars / The sound of their rusty string guitar playing songs we know / And all that I have to do, is think one little thought of you / And I'm back home, I'm right back home_

_I'm back home, yeah I'm right back home_

He painted such a hopeful picture of a quiet life with the things that were most important – love and music. All of a sudden her heart missed a beat. She stepped out of the shadows and, as he finished the song to great applause, and looked around the room with a genuine smile, she knew he'd seen her standing there.

Deacon was probably three-quarters of the way through his set, when he saw Rayna step out of the shadows by the bar. She looked happy, for the first time since he'd been back in Nashville, and relaxed. He felt something deep in his soul and he knew it was time to reach back out to her. When the applause died down, he leaned toward the mike. "So, I got a friend out in the audience tonight, a really special and talented friend, and I'd like to ask her to come up here and do a number with me. Please put your hands together for Miss Rayna Jaymes."

Rayna smiled as she walked up onto the stage, waving at the crowd. Deacon stood up and smiled as she approached. She reached for him and hugged him, giving him a brief kiss on the cheek. Then she turned and sat on the chair next to him. "Oh, my goodness, it's great to be here at the Bluebird," she said to the crowd, who clapped appreciatively.

He looked at her. "I wonder if you remember this," he said, and he started playing a melody on his guitar. As he started to sing, she smiled and nodded as she recognized the tune. She joined in after the first couple of lines.

_If you got something else to say / Let's get it out before the end of the day / It's been too long singing the same song and we're losing time / Trouble may come a knocking but you will always be a friend of mine, a friend of mine / Leaving what we knew behind you will always be a friend of mine, a friend of mine_

It was a song he'd sung for her years ago. He'd told her that he and his sister, Beverly, would sing it with their mother in the kitchen, whenever it was just the three of them. It had been one of the few glimpses of that life that he'd ever given her.

_So many battles we have lost / So many bridges we had to cross / It's been too long singing the same song over, we got time, we got time / Trouble may come a knocking but you will always be a friend of mine, a friend of mine / Leaving what we knew behind you will always be a friend of mine, a friend of mine_

_All we have is our days, we can't give any more or less / Trusting God with the rest, we can open any door / Trouble may come a knocking but you will always be a friend of mine, a friend of mine / Leaving what we knew behind you will always be a friend of mine, a friend of mine_

_You will always be a friend of mine / You will always be a friend of mine_

When they were done, he reached for her hand and squeezed it gently. She smiled at him and then at the audience. She had really missed this, singing with Deacon, especially here at the Bluebird. It felt like such a full circle moment.

The applause was enthusiastic and encouraging. It was the first time they'd performed together in over thirteen years and the crowd loved it. Later on, he wondered what had made him choose the next song. He didn't recall having a conscious thought that it should be this particular song, but he found himself playing the opening chords to 'No One Will Ever Love You'. Rayna looked at him with surprise, but then gave him a small smile.

She couldn't remember when exactly was the last time they'd done this song. It would have been before she got pregnant, because when that happened she'd just finished a tour and then her life blew up. It wasn't the first song they'd written together, or even the first love song, but it was one of her most popular songs and it certainly was always her personal favorite. It felt like it had all those years ago, singing together. It was as though the audience faded away and it was just the two of them. She'd always felt like, when they were on stage together, that they were just pouring their hearts out to each other. It had always been like they were sharing the most intimate parts of themselves. It was exactly how she was feeling right now.

_I know why you're lonely / It's time you knew it too / No one will ever love you, no one will ever love you / No one will ever love you like I do_

He always remembered every single detail of every song they wrote – where they were, what it had felt like as they wrote it, and at what point they'd ended up in bed. Most of the time, when they wrote together, it was a true collaboration. He would throw out a line or she would, he would come up with a melody or she would. And somehow it would all come together, as did they. But this one had come about a little differently. Rayna had started writing it when he was in rehab the first time. He'd found her lyrics – really just a verse and a bit of chorus – sometime after he'd gotten home. He'd been intrigued by the spareness of it and the message. He'd known she was writing it to him, to remind him that she would always love him, even when he made it difficult. When he'd finished it and they'd worked through the music, she had cried. And every time they ever played it, it was like a love letter to each other. He looked into her eyes then and saw everything she felt that night and he was sure she could see the same in his own eyes.

_No one will ever love you / No one will ever love you / No one will ever love you like I do_

_I'm all you got / I'm all you'll ever need /I'm all you'll ever have_

_No one will ever love you / No one will ever love you / No one will ever love you like I do_

There were a few seconds of silence when they finished the song and then came the overwhelming applause. Deacon again reached for her hand. This time she clung to it like it was a lifeline. They both felt a little lightheaded from the emotion of it all. Rayna felt like she could hardly breathe. Deacon felt like his heart was beating out of his chest. The magic was still there.

* * *

Later, after the crowd had finally left, and it was just the staff cleaning up, Deacon walked up to Rayna, sitting at the bar with a root beer. "Hey," he said, with a smile.

She smiled back. "Hey."

He took a deep breath and bit his lip. He leaned a little closer. "You ready?" he asked, his voice low and husky.

She nodded. "I am," she murmured. She put her glass down and slid off the stool, picking up her purse. She headed for the back door, his hand lightly touching her back.

They walked out the back door and over to her SUV, not saying a word. She was conscious of his hand against her back. His fingertips tingled from the proximity to her skin. When they got to her car, she reached for her keys and hit the button to unlock the door. He put his hand on the door handle and she leaned against the side of the vehicle as he stood just inches from her. It was not quite a full moon that night, but it was clear and the moon seemed to shine down on her. It reminded him of the night he'd first kissed her, when the moonlight seemed to bathe her in its silvery glow. She could scarcely breathe as she looked at him. Although he was shaded, with his back to the moonlight, she could still see all the emotion in his eyes. He let go of the door handle and stepped up against her, moving his hand around her waist. As he lowered his head and found her mouth, her hands and arms slid up and around his neck. She arched her back slightly and pressed into him and let him kiss her.

She moaned in the back of her throat as he took her bottom lip between his teeth. She opened her mouth and he captured her tongue with his and pulled her even closer to him, kissing her fiercely and with all the pent-up emotion of their thirteen year separation. When he finally pulled away from her sweet mouth, he leaned his forehead to hers. She was breathing hard, as was he. Then he lifted his head, kissing her softly on the forehead. He stepped back and opened the door for her. She leaned in and kissed him once more and then, reluctantly, got in the car. He shut the door behind her and they just stood looking at each other through the glass.

Finally he turned and walked to his own truck, getting in and breathing out in a great, shuddering breath. He started the truck and pulled out of his space, falling in behind her as they drove in tandem to her house.

* * *

She got out of her car and he was right there. He took her in his arms and kissed her, hard. She ran her hands over his back as she pressed herself against him. Finally, reluctantly, she pulled her lips from his. "Let's go inside," she whispered.

He took her hand and pulled her to the back door. She fumbled with her key and finally got the door unlocked. They walked in the house, then he pulled her into his arms and kissed her again, as she dropped her purse beside the door. He kicked the door closed with his boot, his lips not leaving hers. Finally he let her go and looked into her eyes. "I didn't think you were gonna make it," he said, his voice low and hoarse.

She smiled. "Bucky was pissed when I said I was done. I wish I'd gotten there sooner."

He held her tightly. "There'll be other times." She liked the sound of that.

She stepped back and took his hand, leading him back to her bedroom. He pulled her back towards him and reached out to unbutton her blouse. Then he slid his hands to her hips and tugged at the hem, pulling it from her jeans. She then did the same, unbuttoning his shirt and pushing it back off his shoulders. Then she leaned in and kissed his chest, closing her eyes and breathing in his smell. She took a step back and looked up at him and ran her hands down to his belt, unfastening it and then working on the button at the waist before she slid the zipper down. He returned the favor and then he took her in his arms and laid her back on the bed. He backed up and pulled her boots off, followed by her jeans. She watched as he took off his own boots and jeans and then he crawled onto the bed, straddling her.

She reached up and pulled him down to her and kissed him. He ran his hands over her arms and then rolled to the side, pulling her against him. He pulled back and looked into her eyes, reaching out and pushing a strand of hair behind her ear. "I missed you," he said. "All these years, I missed you."

She smiled, running her fingers through his hair. "I missed you too, babe. But right now, I really need you, you know?"

He smiled. "I do," he murmured. Then he freed her from her bra and panties and he did what he'd been waiting more than thirteen years to do. As he started to make love to her, he whispered against her lips, "I love you, baby."

* * *

Rayna snuggled up next to Deacon, wrapping an arm around his waist and sliding one leg in between his. He ran his hand up and over her arm, as he sighed happily. She looked up at him. "What was that song about? The one you were singing when I came in? About the music and the fireflies and being back home."

He leaned in and kissed her forehead. "You," he said quietly. She looked at him, her eyes filled with emotion. "I wrote it after you left the cabin. It felt like you were still there and I realized that was what home was to me. You. That place. The music. The songs we sang together. Us."

She reached her hand up and ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing it back off his forehead. "It was a beautiful song. Different from what you write now though. It reminded me of the songs you wrote back when I met you."

He ran his hand over her back, loving the feel of her skin against his fingers, against his own skin. "It's what I write when I'm alone. Most of it I can't do with the band. Not the right sound. But I got to do it here." He kissed her lightly. "I hope I'll get to do a lot more of that."

"I think you should. You wouldn't be the first to have a solo project."

He smiled at her teasingly. "Could I get you to be my back-up singer?"

She grinned. "Anytime you want," she said.

He put his arm around her waist and rolled her to her back. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, her neck, then her lips. "I love you, Rayna," he whispered.

She looked up at him. "I love you too." She ran her feet along the back of his legs and he found her mouth again, kissing her deeply. Then he entered her slowly and she moaned in the back of her throat, as they rediscovered each other all over again.

* * *

The next morning, Rayna brought coffee back to the bedroom. Deacon was sitting up, propped against the pillows, and took both mugs. Rayna crawled over him to get back under the covers, kissing him as she went. Then she snuggled into his side, took one of the mugs, and he wrapped his free arm around her. She took a sip, then smiled up at him. "I like this."

He smiled back. "I do too." He set down his mug on the bedside table and wrapped his other arm around her. "What's on your agenda today?"

"Rehearsal, a radio interview at WSM, wardrobe fitting, pick up the girls, and have our last dinner together before I leave tomorrow." She looked at him. "Do you want to come eat with us?"

He frowned a little. "I wish I could, but I've got to go back to Austin today."

Rayna pouted. "Today? You can't push it back to tomorrow?"

Deacon shook his head. "I really can't. We were supposed to be back in the studio two and a half weeks ago and I can't stall any longer."

"How long will you be there?"

He shrugged. "Not sure." He didn't want to say anything until he'd talked to the other members of the band. He wanted to test the waters on recording in Nashville. Several of the band members had, over the years, expressed a desire to be in Nashville, closer to the country heartbeat, but they'd never pushed it. They had all been respectful of Deacon's wishes regarding Nashville, even if they hadn't understood why. Now he felt like he owed them the opportunity to make a choice, when it hadn't been their choice for so long. He looked at her and leaned in to kiss her. "We'll see each other as much as I can arrange. I promise."

She sighed and leaned her head back on his chest. "We just now finally worked through everything so we could be together and we're gonna be apart. I don't like it."

He held her close and rested his head on hers. "I don't either. But we'll make everything work. I promise."

She turned in his arms to look at him. "While you're out there, maybe you should think about letting go of all the hurt with your ex-wife." He frowned at her. "I know it's a sensitive topic, babe, but think about it."

He didn't say anything, just sat holding her, stroking her hair. Finally he reached for her coffee mug and set it on the bedside table. Then he reached under the covers and pulled at the tie belt around her robe. He slid his hands underneath the silky fabric as he turned and got on top of her. They shifted themselves under the covers as he captured her mouth and fit himself between her legs and made love to her again.

* * *

Deacon drove into the cemetery. It was a quiet, peaceful place, with well-manicured green lawns and blooming trees and shrubs everywhere. It was a mostly shaded area, which meant that it was conducive to visits. As beautiful as it looked, though, he never drove in here where his heart didn't hurt and he didn't feel immense sadness. He reached under his sunglasses and rubbed at his eye with his index finger. He hadn't been here in over four months, since before he'd driven to Nashville.

There wasn't a day that went by that he didn't think about his son. If Jackson had lived, if he'd been healthy, he'd be almost two. He'd be walking and maybe talking. He'd have a personality all his own. He would have grown up like Maddie did, being loved and cared for. He couldn't think about whether that would mean he and Blair would have been together still, just that his son would have had the life he deserved.

He pulled to the curb and turned off the car. He got out and walked slowly across the lawn area to the spot where Jackson Cash Claybourne was buried. The marker was simple, just his name and the date he'd died. He stood with his hands in his pockets. Finally he took a deep breath and said, "Hey, buddy, sorry I've been gone so long." His voice was thick with the overwhelming emotions he always felt when he came here. "I was in Nashville. With your sister." He choked a little on the word 'sister'.

He looked up towards the trees that spread out comfortingly over this plot of land. He breathed deeply, trying to center himself. When he looked back at the marker, his eyes were wet, but he felt in control. "A lot's changed for me," he went on. "It looks like I won't be here in Austin anymore, but I'll still visit. I found out Nashville's home. It's where I need to be. I need to be with your sister. Maddie is her name and she's amazing. I'll bring her here one day." He sighed. "I figured out that sometimes you just have to forgive people when they mess up and move on. So I'm gonna do that with your mama, before I go."

He walked over to the marker and reached one hand out and laid it on top. "I'll see you soon, buddy. I love you." His voice broke on the last words and he could feel tears run down his cheeks. He took off his sunglasses and wiped his eyes and took one last deep breath before he turned away.

He walked across the grass to the truck he was driving, a thoughtful expression on his face. When he got there, he stood for a moment, working his lip. Finally he pulled out his phone and scrolled through the list of contacts. He pressed Blair's name and then put the phone to his ear.

He was beginning to think it was going to go to voice mail, when he heard her voice. "Deacon?" She sounded unsure.

He took a deep breath. "Yeah. It's me." He paused. "Where are you?"

"Actually I'm in Austin."

"I am too."

"Really? I'd heard you'd gone to Nashville."

"I did. To see my daughter."

Blair was quiet for a moment. "I'm glad, Deacon. I really am."

Deacon looked down at the ground, tapping his boot against the truck tire. "I was hoping to talk to you. Since you're here, could we meet somewhere?"

"Sure. Where?"

"Do you want to come out to the lake house?"

"I can do that. In maybe an hour?"

He nodded. "I'll see you then." He disconnected and leaned against the truck. It was time to put everything right. If he was really moving on with Rayna, he owed it to her to lay all the old ghosts to rest.

* * *

Deacon was sitting on the porch overlooking the lake, when he heard footsteps approach. He turned to see Blair walk around the corner of the house. He thought she looked good, not like she had the last time he'd seen her. As she walked towards him, he caught a glimpse of a diamond on her left ring finger. Maybe it should have caused some kind of reaction in him, but it didn't.

She walked a little closer and then stopped. "Hey," she said, with a tenuous smile.

He didn't get up, just leaned back and gave her a small smile. "Hey. Thanks for coming." He nodded towards the chair next to him and she hesitantly sat down, perched on the edge. He noticed that she clasped her hands in her lap, with the right hand covering the left. He looked back out over the lake. "I was at the cemetery when I called you," he said. She didn't say anything, but out of the corner of his eye he could see her look down at her hands. "A lot's changed in my life in the last few months. I've had to think about a lot of stuff and a lot of old hurts." He breathed in. "One of those is you."

Blair looked up and followed his gaze out over the lake. "I want you to know that I did a lot of soul searching after, well, after everything that happened between us. What I do know now is that what happened to Jackson wasn't my fault. But I was in a lot of trouble then and, it might not matter anymore, but I did something about it. I went to rehab and I got clean. And I've stayed clean."

Deacon turned to look at her. "I'm glad you did that." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I had to let all that go. I had to do that where my daughter was concerned and it made me realize I needed to let it go with you too. And I wanted to tell you that."

Blair wrapped her arms around her waist. "I had a lot of guilt about what happened, Deacon. More than you ever knew. I'm sorry about the way I handled it, but I was really scared. About all of it. I thought I had damaged our baby and I knew how much it meant to you, so I was scared to do anything. Actually, that's not completely true. I did all the wrong things and it ended up being a mess." She bit her lip. "I don't think you and I were ever really right for each other, Deacon. So maybe it all happened the way it was meant to, in the end. But I've moved on and I'm glad that you have too."

He looked back out over the lake and nodded. The silence between the two of them grew and then he heard her get up and walk away. He wasn't sure he was at the place where he could say that what happened to their son wasn't caused by her, or that she hadn't at least contributed to it with her drug use. But it wasn't going to change what had happened now.

She was right, they'd both moved on. He felt the weight of that pain lift from him. He rubbed a hand over his face and sat back in the chair. He watched the sun dance across the rippling water in the lake, watched a sailboat cross his line of sight and then finally disappear. He wasn't sure what he was going to do about this place. Maybe he'd keep it, much like he did the cabin, just as a reminder of where he'd turned his life around. And as a landing place for when he came to visit Jackson. He wanted to bring Rayna and Maddie here someday.

Finally he got up and walked back in the house. He went to his messenger bag and opened it, pulling out the sheet of paper with Rayna's tour schedule printed on it. They were in New Orleans that night, then would be traveling to Houston for a show in two nights. He smiled to himself. He had some final details to wrap up in Austin relating to band business and then maybe he could surprise Rayna. He was aching for her already.

* * *

Deacon stood at the bottom of the stage, leaning against the stairs, watching Rayna's sound check. He smiled as he watched her. _Nobody can touch her._

It had been hard for him to leave her at the airport, even after he'd told her he would come out with the girls later. But he needed to take care of things in Austin first. He wished he'd been able to see her face when he had called her early that afternoon.

"_Hey, babe," she said as she answered. He could hear the smile in her voice._

"_Hey. What are you doing?"_

"_Just getting organized. I've got a couple hours until we head over for sound check. Are you still in Austin?"_

"_No, I'm not. Left this morning."_

"_Where are you?"_

"_Sitting in the lobby of your hotel."_

"_What?" He pulled the phone away from his ear and laughed. "Are you serious, Deacon? Please tell me you're serious."_

_He grinned. "I'm serious. What's your room number?"_

"_Oh, my God, I can't believe this. I'm in penthouse two. Please hurry."_

_He got up and headed for the elevator bay. "That I can do," he said and hung up. He stood in the elevator and watched the floors going up and then, when he got to her door, he had just raised his hand to knock when she pulled the door open, a huge smile on her face._

_She reached out and grabbed his wrist. "Get in here now," she purred and pulled him into an embrace. He reached back and pushed the door closed._

They'd had to scramble to get dressed to catch the car over to the arena after she'd convinced him to come with her. So he was standing and watching her when Juliette walked up beside him and gave him a puzzled look.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with a frown.

He nodded towards Rayna. "Watching her," he said.

She narrowed her eyes. "So y'all are back together."

He raised his eyebrows. "I was in Austin. Y'all are here in Houston. Thought I'd check things out."

She gave him a skeptical look. "Yeah, right." Then she walked up the steps and onto the stage, just as Rayna was finishing up.

Rayna didn't even look at her as she walked past, joining Deacon at the bottom of the steps. As they walked back towards the dressing rooms, she smiled. "She's gonna say something. You know she is," she said, looking at him.

He shrugged and smiled. "Let her," he said, as he reached for her hand and threaded his fingers through hers.

"I knew it!" they heard Juliette shout from behind them. They just smiled at each other as they kept on walking.

* * *

They sat together on the couch in her dressing room. She leaned in and kissed him. "This was such a wonderful surprise," she said, with a smile.

He smiled back at her and then rubbed her cheek with his thumb. "I couldn't be that close and not check in on you," he said. He took her hand and looked at her seriously. "So, I made some decisions while I was in Austin and I want to tell you about 'em."

She nodded. "Okay."

He breathed in. "I talked to my manager and to the guys in the band about recording in Nashville. I don't think Steve was too happy with me, but the guys actually are pretty psyched about it."

She perked up. "Really?"

"Yep. It was easier than I thought." He squeezed her hand. "But the big decision I made is to move back to Nashville. Back home. I want to be with you, Rayna, and with Maddie. And Daphne, of course." He smiled at her. "Is that okay with you?"

She grinned happily. "It's more than okay, it's perfect!" she cried. She leaned in to kiss him. Then she pulled back and looked at him carefully. "You're really sure? I know you're still leaving…a lot back there."

He breathed in and ran his fingers along her arm. "I am. But it's okay. I made peace with all of it." He looked at her. "All of it." He kissed her lightly. "I thought a lot about it. I'm gonna keep the lake house I have there. Maybe you and the girls can go with me, to visit, from time to time."

She saw the little line between his brows and the sadness in his eyes. "Whenever you want," she whispered.

He raised his eyebrows and forced a smile onto his face. "I need to find someplace to live though. I could stay at the cabin, but it's kind of far." His smile became more natural. "I know Scarlett's ready for me to go."

Rayna looked at him questioningly. "Can you travel with me the rest of this leg of the tour? That would solve the problem temporarily."

"No, I can't. I really do need to get in the studio. We're behind and it's my fault, so I gotta make the sacrifice. I'll figure something out." He gave her a crooked smile. "But I'll be waiting for you."

"When do you have to leave?"

"I can stay a couple days, then I gotta get home."

She moved over to snuggle in his arms. "Home," she said softly. "I like how that sounds."

* * *

_**At the Bluebird, they performed Back Home, Friend of Mine and No One Will Ever Love You. I have an epilogue left to post and this story will be complete. Hope all the Deyna fans were happy with how this played out.**_


	15. Chapter 15

**EPILOGUE**

When she woke up, Rayna turned her head on her pillow. Deacon was still asleep, his breathing deep and even. He was laying on his stomach, one hand partially under his pillow. She smiled and then quietly slipped out of the bed. She had teased him the night before about being an old man, when he'd complained of being exhausted. To be fair, it had been late, and they had made love multiple times, and she really was tired too, but he was still cute when he pretended to be in a snit.

She padded over to the closet and pulled out one of the resort robes and wrapped it around her naked body. She walked out into the sitting room of the suite. This was the same beach she and Deacon had come to, all those years ago, when she was getting started, only back then they'd stayed in one of the cheap beachfront motels, with the sandpaper-rough sheets and the suspect cleanliness. Deacon had teased her that he'd made a reservation for them there and she had gasped in horror, until he'd thrown back his head and laughed at her.

This was the place where they'd written "Postcard from Mexico", a sultry, sexy homage to a little game they liked to play. They would pretend not to know each other and, usually with little spoken between them, would seduce the other. They had played out that game during their vacation then, Rayna dressed in a white sundress that was both sexy and a little virginal and Deacon dressed in black. When they'd finished that little role play, it had ended with him making love to her in the restroom at a nearby bar before they had hurried back to that cheap motel room, scratching out that song in between rounds of lovemaking. She grinned as she thought about it.

She slid open the glass door to the balcony and walked out into the early morning sunshine. There was a light breeze and she could see the waves lapping the shore in front of her. She breathed in deeply and closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, she walked over to the edge of the balcony and leaned on the rail. She smiled to herself. _This is what I always wanted. _

She'd said that to Deacon and Maddie that day Maddie had officially become Deacon's daughter. But what she really had wanted was for them to be a family. She wished she'd had the courage to try all those years ago, but she'd been afraid. Deacon had told her it was okay, that he understood, and that maybe it really had been the best thing to do in a very bad situation. She still wasn't sure, but she also knew that if they hadn't spent all those years apart, they might never have broken all the old patterns and been able to come back to each other as strong and capable people.

They had both learned how to make their own way, stand on their own. They'd both dealt with life-changing circumstances. For her, it had been marrying Teddy and then later having Daphne, creating a different family dynamic for herself that was closer to what she'd always thought was the ideal. It hadn't turned out to really be, after all, but she had two amazing daughters and that was a good thing. For Deacon, the life-changers had not all been positive ones, with the devastating loss of his son and the betrayal of his wife. But he'd proven to himself that he was a stronger man than the one who had left Nashville after Maddie's birth. And he had come back to Nashville and become the father he'd always wanted to be.

And now, here they were. On their honeymoon, having put back together that family they'd both always wanted. Back when they had been together, Rayna had hoped that one day they would have a home and a family together. But it had become increasingly impossible as time marched on. Deacon would go to rehab and would come back, sober and committed to staying that way. But something always seemed to keep him from being able to do that long term. Their lives had become fractured and, while the love was still there, it often felt as though it were shattered in a million pieces. Each time they had to try to piece it all back together, it seemed either a piece was missing or the cracks would never completely go away.

Now this new normal they were creating allowed them to put all of that pain in the past. As they spent time learning how to be parents to Maddie and bringing Daphne into that circle, it felt more and more like all those cracks and missing pieces were fading away.

After Rayna's tour had ended and Deacon and his band had completed their album, he took Rayna and Maddie to Austin for a long weekend. They visited some of the places where Deacon had started out and went to a concert at Gruene Hall, where the DCB had started on its star trajectory. He'd taken them to the cemetery and told Maddie about Jackson. He had wanted his son to be a part of their shared lives from that point forward.

A few weeks later, Deacon had taken Rayna away to the cabin so they could have some time alone. It was there, as they sat out on the porch, with the stars twinkling overhead and the fireflies dancing in the yard, that Deacon asked Rayna to marry him. And they had gotten married there just a few weeks later, with just Maddie and Daphne as their witnesses. When they got back from Mexico, they would have a big celebration, they promised everyone else.

It had been a lovely day, late autumn but still warm. Rayna had worn a cream colored dress and her favorite cowboy boots. Deacon's concession to the occasion was to wear a jacket over a white shirt and jeans. She thought about that night at the Opry, when he'd first come back. She'd looked into his face and seen past the crinkles around his eyes and his mouth, past the age-worn wisdom in his face, and seen the young man she'd fallen in love with when she was sixteen years old. She had known that night that the tangled vines of their lives were still connected, even with all the distance of time and miles. And now they were stronger than ever.

The night before the wedding, as they sat on the cabin's porch, which had become their routine, she had asked him if he had responded to her text because he thought there was a chance for them. He had told her he always thought there was a chance. That he'd never stopped loving her, all those years, and that he'd believed she hadn't stopped loving him. And even though they'd had their challenges, he had been pretty sure, that night at the Opry, that the road would once again lead them back to each other.

Rayna was startled out of her reverie by a pair of strong arms wrapping around her waist from behind. She smiled and leaned back against Deacon's chest, wrapping her own arms around his and linking her fingers with his. "Morning," he whispered huskily in her ear. "Missed you when I woke up."

"I knew you were tired, after all that…activity, so I knew you needed the rest. Old man." She snickered.

He squeezed her to him. "You were right behind me, you know. Snoring, as I recall, when it woke me up in the middle of the night."

She gasped and turned around in his arms. "I do _not_ snore!" she said indignantly.

He chuckled and raised his eyebrows. "Oh, yes, madam, you definitely do snore." He brushed her lips with a kiss. "But it's very ladylike. I promise."

She swatted at him and tried to pull away. "I will never believe that," she grumbled.

He pulled her more tightly toward him and kissed her on the tip of her nose. He loved it when she pretended to be mad. "But I love it, baby," he murmured. "Like I love you." When he looked at her, he still saw the wide-eyed excitement of the girl he'd met when he was nineteen, the girl who'd stolen his heart with a smile and a sparkle in her eyes. Over the years, that sparkle had dimmed as he'd tested her over and over again, wearing her down to the point where they could no longer be together. But when he'd seen her again, that first night back in Nashville, he remembered thinking that she was still the most beautiful woman in the room, and that he still loved her. He thought about their wedding day, as he had prepared to connect his life to hers forever, and he had known it still.

She sighed and then she lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck. "I love you, too. You're just lucky you're so adorable," she said, with a smile. Just then she realized that he was still naked and she leaned in and kissed him. "Someone needs to take me back to bed," she whispered against his lips. And so he did.

**THE END**

_**Thanks to all who read this story (and the last several) and indulged me my love affair with the character of Deacon Claybourne. I've enjoyed reimagining him as a stronger, more confident version of himself and I hope you've enjoyed it as well.**_


End file.
